A cuckolding and strong woman to share her adventures and advice. I like to share :).

Archive for June, 2011

A Little Role Reversal – just sorta :)

This weekend we were finishing tiding up the house after the kids had gone to bed.  My husband took the dishes and laundry and I picked up room by room and put all the stuff strung though the house back in place.  I walked into the washroom and quietly came up behind my husband.  In one quick move, I pulled his shorts down.  He started to say something, but I pulled his shirt over his head.  He raised his arms and I pulled it off his body.  Quickly, I bent down and held his shorts as he stepped out of them.  Naked, he turned around and his hardening member was in my face.  I smiled as stood and gave his package a love pat.

I left with his clothes and made a comment about him not needing them for the rest of the night.  I also told him to hurry with his chores so we could have more fun time later.  That was the encouragement he needed.  He scurried around finishing his tasks and even the few extra I asked him about.  I was enjoying sitting at the table surfing the internet watching him bounce around the house, with his dick swaying in the air.  Sometimes it was hard, sometimes not.  I enjoyed teasing him as he worked too, asking him to stop so I could get a good look at him, or striking a sexy pose for me.  It was funny and stimulating at the same time.  Something about me loves that power of control and uses it as an aphrodisiac.

My husband was intensly working in the kitchen when my cell phone buzzed.  It was my boytoy telling me he was outside and ready.  Without my husband knowing, I let my boytoy, I’ll call him Mike, inside and led him to the table where I was seated.  I fixed him a glass of wine and we chatted quietly while I waited for my husband to be done.  Earlier, I had texted Mike my first thoughts on the night and it was enough to get him interested.  At the table I went over the details of what I had in mind for the night with Mike and he agreed to it, I love it when men do that!!

We talked some more before my husband walked in the room. 

He was shocked 🙂  I could tell he was excited as he left the kitchen, but when he saw Mike at the table, his ‘ego’ deflated.

“Oh honey, you remember Mike,” I said not wanting my husband to lose his excitement and to get the night going.  He had met Mike several times so he was not a new face, but seeing him here tonight threw my husband off.  I reassured my husband that I wanted to play tonight and wanted him involved, but I was also aching for Mike.  I told my husband if he still was up for it, then I will see him in the bedroom, but if not, then I understand and Mike and I will make the most of the evening together.

Without a word, my husband walked down the hall and into the bedroom.  I smiled as I watched his naked ass bounce out of sight.  I patted Mike on the shoulder and motioned for him to follow me.  Playfully striped out of my clothes as I walked, tossing each piece at Mike.  My husband was lying on the bed when I entered the room.  I joined him and gave him an oral workover (a GREAT oral workover if I do say so) and then lay on the bed next to him. 

I told him tonight would be a bit of a role reversal for us because I wanted him to go first and for Mike to watch us.  My husband took advantage and began to work my body over; first with his hands, then with his mouth.  Mike was sitting in the chair in the corner watching us and rubbing his groin through his pants.  I told him to get naked and show me how he liked watching.  He obeyed and I got to watch him stroke his gorgeous cock as my husband worked on me.

I guess I’m a fortunate cuckoldress in that my husband can pleasure me sexually.  So haiving sexual relations with my husband is something I can enjoy and not just endure like many cuckoldresses (or even wives in general).  He just can’t keep up.  I can enjoy his dick and he is great with his hands and tongue, but I love sex and he can’t do it everytime I want it.  I love the thrill of feeling something and someone new.  Besides, one look at Mike’s cock is enough of a reminder why I do this.  My husband is good and his dick can satisfy my, but I can embrace, yearn, and dream about Mike’s penis.  It is enough to get me through the dull parts of the day and week.  And Mike isn’t the only one….but anywho, back to the story.

My husband crawled between my legs and started to push his dick inside me.  I reached down, grabbed his shaft, and held him in place.  I was not ready for him to stick his dick all the way in and I wanted him to know that I was still in charge.  I stroked him as I rubbed the head of his shaft around my wet lips, I loved hearing him moan for more.  Once I had him ready, I told him the  condition on him participating.  I told him he gets to have the pleasure of giving me my first orgasm of the night, but he has to do it without cumming.  Once I have my orgasm, he is to switch places with Mike, but if he cums before I do, then he will be sorry.

He agreed.  He was so hard, so horny, and so ready to go I thought he was going to be finished before he got started.  He was a good boy and lived up to his end of the deal, but he did stop some to keep from cumming.  He ravaged my body like he has not done in a long time and I was in heaven.  I enjoyed what he did to me and enjoyed Mike watching it all.  In the end, I had to take matters in my own hand (or I should say I took his dick in my own hand:) ) to reach my orgasm, but it was a good way to start the night.

Relunctantly, my husband left the bed and Mike climbed on board.  Now, I’m a sensative gal after an orgasm, so most times I don’t like too much action immediately after one.  No problem for Mike.  He had been watching enough that he wanted some attention of his own.  I practically poinced him before he could lay down.  I kissed every inch of his body until I found my way to his dick.  But, I didn’t have to search too hard for it. I was a hungry, wanton woman, even after my orgasm, and his beautiful penis was the meat my mouth was watering for.

After Mike joined me on the bed, the night was just like any other night.  My husband took his place as my cuck and Mike was my bull.   So our little role reversal was over and things were back to how they should be.  I won’t bore you with the rest of the details for the night.  It certainly wasn’t boring to any of us there, but there are only so many times and ways you readers and read about sex.  It was hot, imaginative, and memorable.  It produced feelings and tingles that make it so addictive that you just have to have more. 

What a weekend!!!!  His begging is my drug!!

Everyone did get their orgasms that night, and I got three :).  It was a time that I think we all want to repeat!


You Own Him

When you snug­gle closer
and purr in your sleep,
you are his kitten

When you kneel between his legs
grace­fully accept­ing the band around your throat,
you are his girl

When you squirm across his lap,
your tush rosy red and tin­gling with inti­macy,
you are his brat

When you rub your­self all over him
leav­ing liq­uid pas­sion in your trail,
you are his slut

When you devour him deeply, pleas­ing him,
solely there for his enter­tain­ment,
you are his whore

When you growl and strain against your leash,
hump­ing his leg for release,
you are his bitch

When you sur­ren­der to his strength, his power,
when you sac­ri­fice your body on the altar of his desire,
you are his prey

When you stay still, quiv­er­ing, unspeak­ing,
your only pur­pose to be used, to be mounted,
you are his female

And still…

When you melt into his arms
and lean your head against his chest
and whis­per quietly,

“I am yours”

At that moment,
you own him.

(Source: dreamwalker.com)


MFM Guide – Part 3

Here is the final installment of this GREAT guide for both men and women, the couple and the extra, here.   This is not my original work.  I found it athttp://shareheradvice.tripod.com/myfaithandbeliefsite/index.html

Enjoy and pass along.  It is good to share!!!

I found it to be a wonderful read and even though we lean more towards a cuckold relationship, this is still a help to anyone considering this or wanting more information

Part 3
Setting Up Your First Meeting
This meeting is necessary to see of there is chemistry and to verify that he looks attractive to her in person.  Pictures can be deceiving.  Some couples skip this step or go straight from this meeting to a motel but I think that’s asking too much of a woman.  She needs to warm to him and this meeting is an icebreaker that helps her with this process.  Take your time. Send him email and arrange to meet him in a public place where you can talk.  Tell him this will only last an hour and you have an engagement later (you can always decide to break the engagement if you want to chat longer).  Explain up front that this meeting will not include sex.  I would suggest a place that serves alcohol and has some privacy (e.g. background music or a sparsely occupied seating area).  Get there early and have a drink if you’re nervous.   Have him set where there is plenty of eye contact between her and the prospective new partner.  Let nature take it is course.  If there’s chemistry great.  If there’s not, don’t be discouraged and plan to start over. If the meeting is going well, there should be flirtation and some level of sexual tension in the air.  If it looks promising, it is a good idea to let the woman and her perspective partner have a few minutes alone to talk.  Make an excuse to get drinks, go to the bathroom, etc.  Later, the couple should ask for a few minutes alone to chat before extending a future invitation for more that just conversation.  If you’re both in agreement that this guy will be right for you, then it is time to make future arrangements and set some ground rules. I would suggest you arrange for a hotel meeting several days later.  This gives you both time to back out if you desire.  Tell him you will send e-mail if there is a problem with this arranged date at least a day in advance of your next meeting.  It is appropriate that you ask the man to pay for a room or at least share the cost (If I were the lucky guy, I would volunteer to arrange for the room) at a nice hotel.  I would suggest a time not too late in the day as you may want to start the evening with a meal, dinner, dancing or whatever will help make this a night she will never forget. Most ground rules should have been previously discussed via e-mail earlier including the topic of aids testing. 
Make Sure She Is Ready To Proceed

Communication at this point between you and your partner is essential.  She may have second thoughts after the first meeting for one reason or another.  If so, just cancel the invitation. 

If you’re still ready to proceed, I suggest you stop having sex at least a few days before the first meeting.  Why?  It is one thing to talk about having sex with a stranger and entirely another to actually go through with it.  Yes, this will be very difficult, because sex will be on your minds every minute until the next meeting.  🙂  Being very aroused beforehand will almost certainly make it easier for her.  The sex will be hotter and the orgasm’s more plentiful, believe me.  If you can’t hold out a week, at least try for a couple of days and don’t have sex just prior to the encounter.

Choosing A Location

I suggest a nice hotel with a lounge that you are comfortable with.  If you live in a small town, you should plan on driving to a nearby city to remain discrete.  Don’t choose a sleazy motel, the lighting is poor and the place is not usually clean or very large.   Plan to meet him in the lounge and start with small talk.

Deciding What You Want

If you have not discussed the details beforehand, now that this is almost a reality, this is the time to determine what you really want and don’t want. 

Will this be a threesome or will the husband/boyfriend just watch?  Will the both of you start out and have him join in?  Is French kissing appropriate?  Do the men alternate time with the woman?  Will you take pictures or video the events?  Can she have unprotected sex with both of you?  (not recommended).  Will she go to the room with her new partner and be joined by her husband/boyfriend later?  (not recommended the first time).  How long will the sex last?  Is anal sex allowed?  How about double penetration?   It is not important what you decide,  just that you have a discussion about it. 

 The Big DAY


On the day of the event, you may want to get some wine, beer or favorite drink.  A stereo with CD’s with selections that gets everyone in the mood is recommended and can mask noise heard though walls and doors in a hotel.  😉  Don’t forget some water based lubricant and extra condoms.  If she’s planning on an evening with two men, it may be non stop marathon sex and staying lubricated for several hours is not easy.   A camera or a video cam is a great idea if you want to capture the event.  This way you can both relive the memories. 
Importance Of Making Her New partner Comfortable

I think this is often overlooked and is the cause for some problems with first time three-ways in particular.  Most men have never had sex with another man present.  This makes them feel uneasy.  It can cause temporary impotence.  Also, if you’ve laid down half a dozen pre-sex ground rules – “don’t do this and don’t do that”,  he may be spooked.  So what can you do?

First time sex in a three-way is usually awkward at first.  This can me minimized if you take things slowly and get to know one another with e-mail.  Get comfortable as a threesome before removing your cloths with conversation.  Chat over a beer.  Flirt with email.  Slow dance.  Tease one another.  This will pay off in the end.

The relationship between the two men will probably be the most awkward.  The husband/boyfriend should find a way to indicate with his woman’s new partner when it is OK to proceed and when it is not.  Having a friendly one-on-one conversation is recommended.  Email communications work well for this.

How Do We Begin?

You may want to start with light conversation and a cocktail in the hotel lobby.  On a queue from her, you can all venture to the hotel room.  Both men could start by giving her a body massage fully clothed.  A foot massage is a great place to start and is an excellent icebreaker.  Gradually, the husband/boyfriend can remove articles of clothing.  Then let nature take its course.  I don’t believe you can proceed too slowly, but it’s easy for miscommunication and awkward moments if you move too fast.  As a rule, I think it is best when the woman sets the pace.

Tips For The Husband/Boyfriend

It is completely up to the couple what the husband/boyfriend does.  He can either join in, take turns or passively watch and snap a few pictures.   And here’s a tip:  if you decide to photograph, use a flash as hotel lighting does not make for good photos.  🙂

Assuming you develop a relationship over time with her new partner and you both trust him, I would suggest the husband/boyfriend leave the room for 20 minutes.  She and her new sex partner may be reluctant to show their wild side for different reasons.  He may feel uncomfortable with the other man in the room.  She may feel guilty exhibiting too much pleasure.  While alone, they may reach a new level of passion.  When you return, they may be more willing to continue in this manner.

Another twist it to stop after a period of time and ask the new lover to leave for a period of say an hour.  Then have him phone the room and come back later.  It gives you both some time to talk and be passionate in private.  When he returns, she can resume with him where she left off knowing her husband/boyfriend is both excited and supportive.

How Does It End?

Long before your first meeting, indicate in your email that if either of you wants it to end, it must end immediately, no questions asked.  He should agree completely.

When you make final hotel arrangements with the new partner, tell him it will end within 2 hours of the time you get to the room.  You can always change your mind and continue for as long as you’re both comfortable with it.

The couple should have a non-verbal queue, that they can use in the hotel room indicating they want a time out or the whole thing to end.



Keeping Emotions In Check

As much your wife/girlfriend will try to avoid it, she may bond to her sexual partners at some emotional level.  She’s human and is naturally drawn to any man she has sex with to a limited degree.  There are several ways to minimize this bond and the anxiety it may cause.  These methods revolve around the amount of time spent together, the frequency of the sexual encounters, the physical presence of her husband/boyfriend during sex outside the relationship, open communication and the maintenance of your relationship.

Keep the sexual encounter to just that.  A few hours of sexual activity is enough.  For most couples, once or twice a year of this activity is plenty.  You don’t want a steady diet of sex outside of the relationship.  If you want a repeat performance, take pictures or video the event and re-live the experience at home.

Make it a threesome.   The presence of a husband/boyfriend will help her keep emotions in check.  Realize it will feel awkward for her and her new lover.  It will take an adjustment period where the three of you get used to each other in the bedroom, but it is nothing you can’t work through.  If you take it slow, this is not difficult.  Have a drink, start with a massage.  Move to heavy petting and let things happen naturally.  😉 It is best not to “go on a date” alone – especially at first.  It also reduces the anxiety for the husband/boyfriend.  I let my girlfriend “date” and stayed home wondering what was happening.  On one level, this is exciting, but on another it makes for very anxious moments and mixed feelings.  If she arrives home an hour late, it will feel like minutes for her and days for him.  When she comes home, the man is more than ready to have sex but she will have had time to cool off.  She and may not want sex at all.  Talk about disappointment.  😦   The sex immediately after (seconds later) she’s been with her lover is the very best of all.  Don’t miss out by staying home.

This is not the place for romance.  If an evening out for her is agreed upon, it should NOT include a dinner, dancing, lot’s of discussion and subsequent sex.  This is “dating” mode.  It is the way in which we court a member of the opposite sex and establish a potential lifelong partnership – but inappropriate for a shared wive/girlfriend.  If a date is arranged, it should be short (i.e. for a drink, then upstairs to the hotel room).  At a predetermined time, the husband/boyfriend should knock on the door. This can be a few minutes after her lover departs or he can still be there.  The couple can decide.  Another way to arrange this is to have all three of you there in the hotel room when you begin, then the husband/boyfriend can leave for a while (e.g. 30-45 minutes) and return.  Again, this is not suggested the first time. There should not be any discrete communications between the woman and her new sex partner.  No daily e-mail banter, phone calls, mail, flowers or personal visits.  It is my suggestion that the man maintains the dialog with the new partner in e-mail format only and he should not be allow to talk your wife/girlfriend directly.  This is not meant to control your spouse/girlfriend, it is to keep this new partners desire for more of a relationship firmly in check.  His communication will be less romantic if he knows the boyfriend/husband is reading the mail.  As stated earlier, I have a rule: 

When I contact you, you can respond with mail.  If you don’t hear from me, then we don’t want to hear from you.  If you break this rule, it is over.

Talk about the emotions she feels afterward.  It is OK if she likes him, but if she feels something more, you both should be careful about future meetings.  Feelings of guilt sometimes set in at first, but with reassurance from the husband/boyfriend, this will pass.  Have a heart-to-heart talk about how both of you feel several days later.  It is a new experience for both of you and the relationship you already have is always the first priority.

Keep the romance alive within your own relationship.  Don’t make the grass look greener somewhere else.  Treat her like a princess at the center of your world.

Good luck in your adventures and let me know if the guide was a help!

MFM Guide – Part 2

Over the next several days, I’ll be posting this GREAT guide for both men and women, the couple and the extra, here.   To make it easier to read, I will post it in three parts.  This is not my original work.  I found it at




Enjoy and pass along.  It is good to share!!!


I found it to be a wonderful read and even though we lean more towards a cuckold relationship, this is still a help to anyone considering this or wanting more information



Are we ready to turn fantasy into reality?
There are several prerequisites that should be met before you both consider turning this fantasy into a reality which relate to your background, mindset and age.
  • Have you explored the more moderately erotic sexual activities first?  There are several turn-ons that help to bring about sexual maturity.  These are discussed in the next section. 
  • The fantasy has to become her fantasy.  In some cases, this is a difficult hurdle and is discussed in the next sections.  Men often fail to understand that turning this fantasy into reality for her is more of a journey, with several key steps along the way.
  • She must be capable of having sex without emotional involvement.  This is relatively easy for a large percentage of men, but may be difficult for women.  Society dictates to women, from a young age that “where her body goes, so does her heart”.  It is important that you talk about this issue up front so she can feel comfortable with sexual play without attachment.
  • Age makes a difference for some.  Older couples, in their 30’s and beyond are generally more comfortable with this type of adult play.  This is particularly true for women.

Discussions with her about the fantasy

This section will mainly apply to the male readers.Women want respect, love and physical sex – usually in that order.  If you’re preparing to discuss this seriously with your partner, this is a perfect time to work on your relationship.   Before you broach the subject directly, it is assumed you’ve already explored her sexual past and have bought toys that help explore sex with another partner.  There are countless ideas, but I’ve compiled a list of sexual experiences that encourage sexual maturity for both of you:

Less sexually advanced:

      • Have her dress up in a sexy outfit such as tight jeans and blouse, then go to a secluded location such as a park.  Unbutton a few buttons on her blouse or jeans and take photographs of her in sexy poses.
      • Give your wife a gift certificate for a body massage and prearrange to have a man deliver the massage.
      • Read one of the books in the Women Readers section.
      • Role play.  Have her come into a bar and flirt with you, pick you up and take you home.
      • Have sex in risky places where there is a chance someone might see you.
      • Buy her a revealing dress.  Go somewhere you won’t be known and dance the night away in front of others.
      • Have her dress provocatively, then go to a public place.  Watch other men watch her.

More advanced:

    • If you’re apart (e.g. business travel), call her when you’ve been away for several days and encourage her to act as if your fantasy has come true over the phone.
    • Place an ad in “Your Wife’s Lovers” on the Dark Wanderer and encourage a man to have a cyber-sex relationship with your wife. 
    • Post a sexy picture of her, where her identity is not revealed on the net, then ask for comments and read them together.
    • Have a male masseuse come to the house and give your wife a body massage as a surprise.
    • Have her dress provocatively, then go out and expose her breasts or sexy behind to someone she knows or a stranger.
    • Take her dancing, sit apart and encourage her to dance with another man.
    • Have an on-line ICQ relationship or visit a chat room.

The best time to talk seriously about this fantasy is while flirting, but not in the throes of passion.  As with most sensitive topics, timing is everything.  🙂   I urge you to take the open and honest approach about your sexual needs.  Explain that your fantasy has developed over time, as you’ve thought about you’re own sexuality.  If you’re like nearly every man I’ve responded to on this topic, the idea of exploring a MFM relationship does not in any way lessen your love for your partner.  She needs to hear this message in particular. 

Most women will jump to conclusions and believe that their partner actually desires a swinging relationship.   They may view a shared-wife experience as a means to that end.  It will be necessary to reassure her otherwise, perhaps frequently.

Don’t discuss the details about how and when – that’s for later.  First share the reasons you want it to happen (see part 1 ).  Explore how you think you will feel afterwards.  I would suggest a “go slow” approach.  This is your chance to grow and explore your sexuality together over time and strengthen your relationship.  If done right, it will be a wonderful experience and you’ll remain happy, sexually fulfilled and very much in love.


Good Choices and Bad
When a couple selects a man to be included in your sex life, just keep in mind that he might not be the right partner, either now or some time into the future.  There could be a variety of reasons, but the more he knows about either of you, the more difficult it will be to keep him out of your life.  If he does not have a way to contact you besides e-mail, it is much easier to say you’re not interested and move on.  For this reason, I don’t particularly recommend:

  • Ex boyfriends that live in your area
  • Co-workers
  • A guy you meet at a gym
  • A friend that lives in your area

The best, perhaps not the easiest, choice is an acquaintance who lives some distance away and visits only occasionally or someone that you get to know just for the purpose of MFM encounters.  These other options can be trouble for a variety of reasons. Ex-boyfriends:   She knows the guy and she’s already had sex with him, so what could be wrong?  Plenty.  Women have a natural tendency to become attached to whoever they are having sex with.  If he was more than a one night stand, she was at one time emotionally involved.  Sex with him will bring back those emotional feelings for both her and the boyfriend.  This is way uncool, so why risk it?

Men, just like women, can easily become emotionally attached to a sex partner.  When that happens, it is not uncommon for the boyfriend to attempt to convince her to resume a permanent relationship, even when there’s no chance she would consider it.  It ruins the event for everyone.

Couples select ex-boyfriends because they fear meeting someone new. These guys come with way too much emotional baggage, and should be avoided. 

Friends that live in your area :  I don’t discourage this in all cases, but it would not be my first choice.  If they are occasional visitors to your area (or if you visit them), that’s more acceptable but proceed with caution.  After she has sex with him, the friendship can change and can actually dissolve and become awkward.  I made this mistake and regret it.  Good friends are hard to come by.  It is better to meet someone for the expressed purpose to have sex than it is to risk a old friendship.  Friends also know where you live, work, play and may talk with other friends of yours.  It is OK to become friends with her new partner to some degree, but don’t expect it to have the dynamics of a typical friendship.

Again, couples select friends because they fear meeting someone new. Friends are not usually the best candidates because they know too much about you. I suggest you both consider first a “new” partner brought into your lives for the explicit purpose of adding to your sex life.

A guy she knows from the gym or work:  It is easier for her, because she has already sized him up and he’s considered acceptable.  The down side it that he probably knows where he can find her.  Also, he’s local.  Local people know others in your area and then you risk the possibility that your shared wife experiences are commonly known.  Some of the people you encounter in these situations may be acceptable, what if you bring them into your sex life and it does not work out? Now avoiding them is a problem, and this was supposed to be fun, right?

Other Hazards

When you surprise someone on the topic of sex, you never know how they will react.  Here are a couple of situations couples may want to avoid.

Propositioning a friend:  Imagine you’re planning to ask a friend to participate in a three-way.  How do you know he will agree? If he says no, everyone will feel very stupid and the friendship will likely suffer.  Maybe he will not agree to have sex with the husband present because it is just too embarrassing (there are lots of guys like this).  Again, it will create problems.  Maybe he is impotent.  Get the picture?  My advice is that you should be prepared for most any reaction if you’re planning to ask a pal for three-way sex.

Propositioning someone you just met:  What if you are planning to ask someone you just met, say at a nightclub or while on vacation?  She has danced and flirted with this young hunk for two hours.  Perhaps they have kissed and both of them are very horny.  Then she propositions him for a three-way.   The guy suddenly is quite unhappy.  He is not interested in a threesome, especially with another guy present!  He wants her to himself.  Sadly, this does happen.

Your alternative is to proposition through an advertisement.  This way, everyone knows up front the nature of the relationship.

How do you find him?  There are a few options, let’s explore the advertisement method first.   Essentially, couples can use the internet and take out an ad.  Place the ad in the The Hot Wife Forum Personals ,(free)  Match Doctor (free), Love.aol (free), or the Adult Friend Finder (pay site).

Before you do, I urge you to take sensible precautions.  Don’t give out a phone number, address, place of work, identifiable picture or any other personal information.  Do include your area code otherwise expect more mail than you can handle.  Be prepared for an onslaught of email (20-50 messages per day at least).  I suggest an ad that looks similar to the following:

Example Ad

Couple in the 651 area code seeking man for shared wife experience.  She’s in her late 40’s, 155 lbs, 5’5″.  Better than average looks and ready.  Prospective candidate should be caucasian, 30-38, 180-220 lbs, 5′ 9″ or taller, attractive, trim and drug/disease free.  Discretion is a must. Husband will participate.  Condom required.  Must not be camera shy. Both of us are straight, non smokers and light drinkers.  Send a letter describing why we should consider you.  Picture required. We seek email friendship first.  Requests will be taken for 1 week only.  No applications accepted after mm/dd/yy. hotcouplein651@hotmail.com

This ad does not reveal much about you and clearly spells out what you’re seeking.  You don’t want to look through 500 ads so there is a deadline for applying.  When you receive ads, I would immediately delete any that don’t have a picture attached.  Also delete any that appear too direct, poorly written or too brief. 

When you find one you like, I suggest you respond with a picture of her that does not reveal her identity and ask for additional information.  Let him know that unless you send him e-mail, he is not to send you any. 

This can be a fun experience for a couple going through the candidates together.  When you think you’ve found the right man, and you believe he is for real, I might suggest you participate in a suggestive cyber-chat or cyber-sex relationship for a while.  Get to know him, his likes and dislikes and share similar information with him.  This acclimation time make’s it much easier for both of you if you decide to meet.

Other ways to find a mate

Some couples don’t want to use a personals ad.  In this case, there are several other options.  You can both go to a night club and she can try to pick someone up.  Another option is to go on vacation and find someone there.  I’ve heard of couples that take a Caribbean vacation just for this purpose.

What About Penis Size?

Readers of MFM erotica found on the web have no doubt noticed the interest, especially by males, centered around the penis size of the studs selected to please their women.  The stories seem to take on mythical proportions.  So… do you search for a well hung stud?  The answer maybe yes and maybe no depending on your situation, although a “minimum” size criteria is a good idea.

Most men desire to have a 10 inch penis as thick as your arm.  But, if you ever have an honest conversation with a well hung guy, you might find he’s not perfectly happy about it.  Why?  Because he’s too long for full penetration with many partners.  Vagina size varies significantly and while some are very deep, others are not.  Some women experience pain, not unlike a cramp if a penis or dildo makes forceful contact with the back of the vagina near the cervical entrance.  If the man cannot grind his pelvic bone against her clitoris, it may be very difficult for her to really enjoy the sex and have orgasms. 

Contrary to what you might read, the vagina does not readily stretch in length like a uterus does to accommodate pregnancy.  It can adjust to accommodate greater thickness, not length.  Thick is generally good.  Erotic stories indicate that a women accustomed to the small penis of her husband will over the course of a few minutes be able to accept another man’s tool that’s several inches longer.  In my experience, this does not appear to be true.  I’m 6.5 inches and have encountered several women that would prefer that I was a half inch shorter because I would occasionally “bottom out” in certain positions.  They never seemed to adjust.  I’ve also had girlfriends that could accept a 9″ dildo so vaginal depth varies.

Here’s something else to think about.  A few years back, I encouraged my then girlfriend to have a sexual experience with another man.  We found a guy.  She blew him in his car about two weeks before she actually had sexual intercourse with him and found that he had a 4.5 in penis – one of the smallest she had ever seen.  I was disappointed, hoping for at least six.  A couple of weeks later, she had one of the most intense sexual experiences with this guy that left her breathless.  She had so many orgasms, she lost count and her pussy was sore for a day afterwards.  It is like the old saying, “It is not the wand, it is the magician.” 

Another common complaint I hear from women is that well hung guy’s don’t try to please them in bed.  They assume their size means they don’t have to work too hard and it is over too soon. 

If you want a guy who’ll please a woman, look for:

  • A lover that can stay hard after orgasm or recovers quickly.  Some men can.
  • A guy who makes her hot before they jump in bed.
  • A stud that can have several orgasms over a two hour period.
  • A partner that can delay his orgasm while she cums multiple times.
  • A man who will ravish her and make her feel intensely desirable.

So in the end, does size matter?  Most women have a minimum size criteria and this should be indicated in an ad.  To most women, a man is a package not just a penis.  His build, appearance, genitals and intensity in bed all combine together to make him desirable.   To this I say look for character first, not quantity.

Manage Communications With Her Prospective New Partner

You’ll be most comfortable if her new partner does not know where you live, work or play. In this way, you control the communication. 

Why is this so important?  Even with people you think you know, when you start having a sexual relationship with them, they may feel entitled to intrude into your life in a variety of ways.  He may call one or both of you when it is not wanted.  He may show up at your doorstep, at work or at the gym when you simply don’t want him around.  He might talk to others that know you. 

MFM Guide – Part 1

Over the next several days, I’ll be posting this GREAT guide for both men and women, the couple and the extra, here.   To make it easier to read, I will post it in three parts.  This is not my original work.  I found it at


Enjoy and pass along.  It is good to share!!!

I found it to be a wonderful read and even though we lean more towards a cuckold relationship, this is still a help to anyone considering this or wanting more information.


MFM Guide

The guide is intended for perfectly normal women and men involved in a loving relationship .  Couples interested in this lifestyle are in most cases married, but some are unmarried and involved in a serious long-term relationship.  In this fantasy, the woman is encouraged to engage in sexual play with another partner.  These adventures may be limited to cyber-flirtation or exhibitionism, or much more.

This guide is primarily written for beginners, mature in their views of sexuality, who are considering this next step.  It also includes alternatives for those couples who don’t feel comfortable making the fantasy a reality at this time.

You’ll see that a sensible GO SLOW approach is suggested.  Why?  Because it allows the couple to maintain a sense of control as they explore their own deepest desires and those of their partners.  In addition, it provides the opportunity to stop at any time if either partner feels uncomfortable.  

Before we begin…

An important clarification must be made.  This is not swinging.  It is not “open marriage” which is simply another word for swinging.   The author neither condones or supports the swinging lifestyle.  Bringing the MFM or shared wife fantasies to life does not lead to swinging – at least not for me or anyone that has a sincere interest in this fantasy.  Please look elsewhere if that is your interest.

The terms “Hot Wife” and “Shared Wife” have similar meanings in the context of sexual relationships.  Male-Female-Male (MFM) relationships is also used.   The “hot” designation is by far the most popular.  A few women that I have great respect for, object to the term “Hot Wife” for a couple of reasons.  First, they may not be married and second, they don’t perceive themselves to be any more “hot” than other women and prefer the alternate terms instead.  For these reasons I will refrain from using the “hot” designation.
Shared Wife Or MFM Sex Defined
It is important to first explore what it is before we discuss how to arrange it.  😉   First a succinct definition:

A trusting relationship where a couple supports and encourages the women’s sexual experimentation with another male partner, but maintains a strong emotional bond with one another.

MFM sexual experimentation may take several forms from rather benign flirtation to exhibitionism.  These moderately erotic sexual activities are discussed in a later chapter.  The bulk of this guide refers to a relationship that eventually leads to physical sex. 

It is often said that this fantasy taps into the way men and women are wired.  What is the driving force behind this desire for the man?  For the women?  Is It normal?  Read on.

For the Women Readers
Changing gender roles in society make available more opportunities than ever before for women to pursue sexual relationships that transcend traditional boundaries.   Women can now freely challenge repressive norms which have limited their options in the past to have more partners, while practically rewarding men to do the same.  What’s more, they will find support and even encouragement from their mates in the context of marriage or a serious long-term relationship.

To consider an MFM experience, whether is it serious flirtation or much more, provides a new dimension in sexuality. For mature couples, it can be both positive and mutually satisfying, with a little planning and forethought.  The feeling of sexual power and confidence, by enticing two males into bed can be a huge turn on.  As a rule, women are capable of outlasting any one man, and with a second partner she may be able to reach a previously unobtainable sexual high.  The result is more often than not “memorable sex” that you both think fondly of and recall from time to time.

Of course, any major change in our sex lives can be cause for concern.  It is with a certain amount of fear that most women begin their sex life or try a sex toy with their partner for the first time.  But with each chance taken, new pleasures are often realized.  All couples have initial feelings of intrepedation with MFM encounters, but those anxious moments fade away and are replaced by sexual joy.

For more information on women’s sexuality, I would suggest any of the following:

The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities
by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt Greenery Press

Turn Ons: Pleasing Yourself While Pleasing Your Lover
by Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D. Plume

Best Women’s Erotica
by Marcy Sheiner, Cleis Press 

Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women’s Sexual Fantasies
by Nancy Friday Pocket Books

The Erotic Mind : Unlocking the Inner Sources of Sexual Passion and Fulfillment
by Dr. Jack Morin

Exhibitionism for the Shy : Show Off, Dress Up and Talk Hot
by Carol Queen

The Erotic Edge: 22 Erotic Stories for Couples
by Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D.  Plume

Cyborgasm (Audio Cassette)
by Lisa Palac 

Men and Women’s Motivation
 MEN’S MOTIVATIONThe desire for a man to see his partner sexually experimenting with another is an “awakening” for him as his sexuality matures.  This common fantasy comes about, perhaps unexpectedly, for many men and women as they age.  Young men in their teens and early twenties do not typically have this desire.  It seems to develop after a decade or two of sexual experience and can be a source of unbridled eroticism. There are a variety of reasons men may encourage their wives to sexually engage other men.  If you’re looking for a simple explanation, I have none to offer but I might suggest you read “ Brain Sex, (Moir & Jessel, 1993) ”  or Sex on the Brain : The Biological Differences Between Men and Women(Blum, 1998) which contains bits and pieces of what makes men and women tick.  There have been recent television specials on the Discovery channel such as “Brain Sex” that offer additional clues.His desire to encourage his partner to explore sex with another man is driven by many complex and intertwined reasons that even he may have difficulty verbalizing.  The more common themes are explored here:

  • Unconditional love
  • Reliving past sex
  • New sex
  • Pure lust sex
  • Competition with other males
  • Cum fantasy
  • Sexual Control
  • Husband humiliation
  • Wife humiliation
    Unconditional Love:  In a trusting and loving relationship the man encourages her to have a pleasurable erotic sexual experience with another partner.  He knows she will enjoy it immensely if she has his support.  He may feel that she was cheated out of sexual experimentation that he engaged in as a young man prior to the current relationship.  Essentially, it is an act of love, where he gives her something very special. Reliving past sex:  Most couples at some point explore her past sexual relationships through fantasy.  She finds that her sexual history is a powerful source of eroticism for him.  Many men discover their own desire for a shared wife experience in this manner.New Sex :  Sex with a new partner is often very highly charged and perhaps biological in nature.  For nearly all couples, it is fondly remembered.  Bringing another man into your relationship can result in a similar level of intensity that you experienced when you first shared one another – maybe greater.  🙂  A woman who has been in a long term monogamous relationship will often behave as if she has been starved for sex when a new partner begins to engage in adult play with her.   For a man, most of whom are very visual, the site of another male playing with his partner may cause uncontrollable arousal. The many “shared wife with another man” pictures posted on the web and related stories are strong evidence of this common and perfectly normal fantasy.  Check out the Toy Box (couples section) or the many forums on this topic on Yahoo or Excite.Pure lust sex:  The sex a couple has over the years can be wild and passionate, but it is not exactly the same as the kind of sex she would have with someone she is not emotionally involved with.  Pure lust sex has a different dimension.  He wants to see that “desire for a stud” look in her eyes, driven by female hormones and animal instinct.

    Competition :  Male competition allows him to measure his ability to stimulate his mate against another male.  A darker side of this fantasy is impregnation competition.  Men are evolutionary designed for this as a penis is shaped to pull out the semen of another and replace it with his own.  I do not promote or condone impregnation.  Another area of competition is penis size.  More on that later.

    Cum fantasy :  As part of nearly all pair bonding relationships in the mammal world, males want sole access to their mate’s sexual zones, and specifically for the deposition of semen.  This is a sacred right for any couple.  Placing Sexually Transmitted Diseases aside for a moment, the idea of another male given this same access and opportunity may be very erotic for him.  The sight, smell or feel of another man’s cum in her mouth or vagina is taboo and also an erotic fantasy.

    Husband humiliation :  This one I can not relate to personally.  It seems that some men want their partner to exhibit control over them, choosing to deny them sexual satisfaction by finding another sexual source.  This is known as cuckolding and not explored in this guide.

    Wife humiliation :  Another one I don’t relate to personally.  Some men like the feeling of power they have ordering their partner to submit to sex with another man.

I’m sure there are other motivations, but the group listed here represent the mainstream reasons men suggest to their partners to engage in sex with another man.  If the male readers can relate to any or all of the above, you are perfectly normal as millions of other guys have these same fantasies.


Some women have a reoccurring MFM fantasy.   Others have not given it much thought until asked about it.  Perhaps you have been directed here by your mate to learn more and so you’re here?  Woman reading this who have not explored the topic of sexual play another man should try bringing the subject up some time when your partner is aroused.  You may be pleasantly surprised by the result.  🙂  For those of you trying to understand why he wants to pursue this and what it would be like, I hope this will help you make an informed decision.

In the right circumstances, I’ve asked women what motivated them to seek sex outside of their relationship and this is what they’ve shared:

  • “New sex” pleasures
  • Pleasing her partner
  • Guilt free lustful sex
  • Sex with a more desirable partner
  • Being ravished
  • Need to validate her desirability
  • Fulfilling missed sexual experiences
  • Unconditional belonging
  • Enjoying sex similar to that before being married
  • Being with more than one man at a time

“New sex” pleasures:  For men and women, sex with a new partner is in most cases very erotic.  It is likely she will have one of the most memorable sexual experiences in her life. Pleasing her partner:  Through the exploration of relationships with her previous lovers, she learns of his desire for her to engage in sexual play with a new partner.  She finds he is seriously turned on by the thought of this fantasy and finds his lustfulness associated with this topic equally arousing.  He wants to bring this fantasy to life more than anything and by granting his wish, she gives him something very special.

Guilt free lustful sex:  Sex without the emotional baggage of a relationship can feel more heightened for her.   It can be a liberating experience for those women who have not yet tried it.  In an MFM adult play situation, she can concentrate totally on her pleasure, her desire and her needs.

Sex with a more desirable partner:  No one man can satisfy a woman’s erotic desires in every way.  In an MFM experience, she has the opportunity to select a mate that is different than her current lover.  He could be younger or maybe leaner or maybe from another part of the world.  If she has always had the hots for a guy with lots of muscles, this is her opportunity.

Being ravished :  The thought of a man she hardly knows seeing her naked, aroused and unable to resist his advances is a female fantasy.  Her new partner is full of desire for her and is allowed to touch her everywhere and “take” her.

Need to validate her desirability:  Some women need to know they are attractive and viewed as sensual.  No experience will validate her desirability more than attracting another partner for sexual play.  It can be a ego boost for her, especially if she has been having doubts about her ability to attract others.  Ask any 50 year old women if she feels more attractive after a shared wife experience with a younger stud and you’ll get an affirmative response.

Fulfilling missed sexual experiences:  She’s lived an overly conservative life and now realizes she has missed out on the opportunity to sample sex with other men.  Now is her chance to experience a variety of partners.

Unconditional belonging:   A deep sense of bonding where she feels owned by her partner.  This occurs when the husband/boyfriend, after making sure she is completely ready, invites another man to have her.  She is “his woman” and is given away.  Some couples experience a very strong emotional attachment as they look at one another while a new partner is intimately engaged with her.

Enjoying sex similar to that before being married:  Perhaps she longs again for that freedom she had to sleep with whomever she wished.  (editorial note:  Most men can relate with this).

Being with more than one man at a time:  It is not just guys who have the fantasy of being with two members of the opposite sex at once.  Some women find it arousing.
This is by no means a complete list. Perhaps one of the female readers can elaborate on what I’ve written here.

The Profile of a Cuckoldress

So maybe you are at least just the teansy bit  interested in this lifestyle, but just can’t shake the idea that a good and proper woman, or wife, or mother should not act on that curiosity, or even consider it.

So I want to tell you about the women who do consider the thoughts, the daydreams, and the fantasies.  The women who embrace the freedom and act on those thoughts.  

I’ll start with me.

I’m a fairly curvy woman, I was built to pleasure a man. I love to know that he is hot with desire for me and my curvy parts.  I love to see and feel the physical response of  a certain body part only he has and knowing that I was able to do that to him.  Something magical happens inside me when I know that I am the object of a man’s desires.  Even if that desire is never physically realized, it is a HUGE aphrodisiac

I love to be touched and rubbed by my partner, to feel his strong, rough, and yet soft hands on my smooth skin.  My breasts are sensitive, one of my erogenous zones. It tingles when my nipples get hard, the tingling drives me wild, makes me warm, and lustful. Sometimes in the throws of passion, if they aren’t getting enough attention, I’ll rub and stimulate them myself.   I’ve been called a touchy-feely type of girl many times.

I love sex, all parts of sex; the flirting, build-up, and anticipation, the kissing, teasing, and foreplay, the penetration, being filled up, and the building of the orgasm.

How does that sound?  Does that sound too far off a ‘normal’ woman?  Does that sound so different than you?

But wait, that’s not all!!!!!

As much as I would like to say that I am a 24 hour, 7 day a week sex goddess who spends 100% of my time doing and thinking about sexual things, life does interrupt and it must be lived.  I am a regular woman, a wife, a mother, and part of a regular family.

We could be any family that you meet.  We could be your next door neighbors, the family seated next to you at church, or another family on your child’s soccer team.  I could be that new mommy at the playgroup, I could be your best customer at your last Pamperd Chef party, or maybe I started the scrapbook club you so look forward to each month.  We have our jobs, friends, and responsibilites that can’t be neglected just because we want to enjoy our extra sexual fun.

Enough about me, so now what about you?  Think you might fit the profile of a Cuckoldress?

Angela Lewis, PhD, in her book “My Other Self” says yes you do!  Well, okay, maybe not you specifically, but she does say that any ‘normal’ woman could be a cuckoldress.  Her research and observations has led to some conclusions that may surprise many people.

Her full survey results can be seen from the link below, and I’ll list the high points below:

Suvey Results

According to the survey, the definition of a ‘Typical” Cuckoldress:

  • Well-educated
  • White
  • In her thirties
  • In her first marriage and has been in it for at least 11 years
  • Dominant in her relationship, but submissive with her lovers.
  • No preference in race, but does consider penis size when considering lovers
  • Still has sex with her husband.
  • Seperates love from sexual desire.
  • Discrete about her extra-sexual fun

Some of the reasons women gave for choosing this lifestyle:

  • Husband cannot sexually satisfy me
  • I have a high sex drive
  • I had a crush that I wanted to explore
  • My husband worships and adores me and has given me the gift of having all the sex and pleasure that I deserve
  • My husband is an alpha male in his life, but he willingly submits to me sexually and I love to see him lose control
  •  Discovered husband is aroused by this fantasy and I enjoy the power and control

I was surprised by the lack of rules for some couples.  Here are the activitives where most said they have no rules and it depends on the situation:

  • Husband’s allowed participation
  • Condom use – really suprising and scary to me!!!

Finally, most have agreed that cuckolding has strengthened their relationships.

I’m not trying to convince you to live this lifestyle.  It is not for everyone and should not be entered into lightly.  I want you to know that you are not some hussy or something sleazy because these thoughts are in your imagination or because you want to do this.  Don’t let this society or culture tell you want a proper wife should do. 

But if it is fear that is keeping you from doing this, then find ways to manage it.  A little fear is a good thing.  It helps us to pay attention and to consider all the costs and everything that could be changed.  But too much fear is a bad thing.  If it keeps you from being who you want to be, then talk about it with your partner.  Find baby steps that can help you overcome and manage those fears.

You have your own dreams and desires. 

You shouldn’t live in the shadow of your own desires forever. You have to take that chance and make your life reflect who you really are.

Good Luck!!!!

The rise of the cuckolding culture

Come join the fun now!!!  Be a Cuckoldress before being a cuckoldress was cool 😉

An article orginally published by Kai Ma on Nerve.com.

Two years ago, Christina, a thirty-one-year-old married administrative assistant, was about to have sex with Claudio, a man who wasn’t her husband. She pulled out a ruler from underneath her bed so she could measure his penis. “Ten inches with a seven-inch girth,” she said to Claudio. Then she turned to her husband, who was standing next to her and Claudio, videotaping, and emphasized to him, “He’s huge.”

It all began in 1997, when Christina met her husband Kurt online. After they married, they spilled their guts to each other while high on ecstasy: they both had sexual fantasies about sleeping with other people. At that point, “we knew we couldn’t eat the same meal everyday,” says Kurt. They agreed to have an open marriage, and Christina began having sex with a coworker. When she told Kurt about it, he felt “outwardly jealous, inwardly curious,” he says. “A part of me wished that I could’ve seen it.” Kurt also worried for his wife’s safety when she slept with male strangers. “At first, it was about making sure she wasn’t in danger. Now, it’s about me being there, seeing it and getting off.”

Kurt is a cuckolder — or “cuck” — a man who

derives sexual pleasure from watching his wife or girlfriend have sex with other men. He assumes a disempowered, beta-male role as part of the fantasy. His wife, or any woman who cuckolds her male partner, is called a hotwife. When I ask Christina how she feels about the arguably degrading epithets, she shrugs and throws her hands up. “I’m a slut,” she says. Kurt cracks a smile.

Christina and Kurt (not their real names) post ads online seeking extramarital male partners for her. These men are called “bulls” or “studs.” After spending hours searching Craigslist for bulls, I found Claudio (not his real name), Christina and Kurt’s current bull. He responded to my request for an interview, and then put me in touch with them.

On my way to their Manhattan apartment, I am walking a path that countless bulls have walked before. Kurt, a forty-one-year-old former Army man is still cut like a soldier — lean and muscular, with a shaved head, and pecs bulging underneath a baby-blue basketball jersey. He looks like the antithesis of a beta male, though anyone would peg Christina as a hotwife. Her curly, black hair is pulled back by a headband, and her eyes reflect the intensity of her persona; everything, from her short, snappy statements to how she takes a drag from her smoke, is executed with an unapologetic frankness.

It is the same matter-of-fact tone that she uses to describe Claudio’s generous package: “[Claudio] is hitting spots in me that Kurt isn’t.” Kurt nods in somber agreement, adding, “He fills her up. I love watching her react to his bigger dick because I can’t provide her that. I get off on the truth, on what’s real.” The couple’s ads specify that their bulls have to boast a penis of eight inches plus, given that Kurt’s is seven. The bull needs to exemplify masculinity in ways that Kurt cannot. He needs to be not only better endowed, but also alpha enough to make Kurt feel small, both physically and psychologically.

The idea of any husband wanting to watch his wife have sex with another man goes against the grain of marriage, masculinity, even patriarchy, in a radical way. Before meeting Kurt, I’d never known a man who liked the idea of another man messing around with his wife. But Kurt, who enjoys submitting to the bull’s larger penis and his wife’s high sex drive, says his sexual passivity is more a role than the reality. He can personify the beta male role, even eroticize it, because he knows he’s not inherently inferior to other men.

As an alpha male in life, Kurt’s bedside compliance also serves as a refuge from his competitive, high-strung personality. “This is the one area in life where I can choose to be submissive,” he explains. “I always have to win and be the best at everything. No one can do better than I can. If another guy eats her out better than I do, well, he’s just raised the bar, but I can do better. But a bigger dick I can’t complete with. Something about that turns me on.”

Kurt watches his wife have sex with bulls through a video camera, sometimes inches away from the action. He makes it a point to videotape the bull’s penis, then turns the camera on his own smaller one to emphasize the size disparity. Afterwards, the couple will watch the tape with the bull, and then again together after the bull leaves. They’ve accumulated an extensive library of homemade porn. “I can’t stand fading memories,” says Kurt.

“I’m not threatened by these guys,” he says. “Though I do envy them — I give em props, those lucky bastards. Nothing turns me on more than seeing her react to someone else’s bigger dick.” Motioning toward his wife, he adds, “It’s unrealistic to think that I can be the best at everything. There’s always going to be something another guy can give her that I can’t.”

For those unfamiliar with cuckolding as sexual fetish, try to recall high-school English, and more specifically, Geoffrey Chaucer’s reference to cuckolds in The Canterbury Tales. The traditional Middle English meaning of the word — a man with an adulterous wife — echoes the modern-day fetish: “One cannot be a cuckold if not wed. But I do not therefore asperse your bed; few are the wives who make their husbands sad, a thousand good for every one that’s bad.”

The glaring difference? Dozens of cuckold websites affirm that today’s cucks aren’t just standing helplessly by. They’re begging well-endowed men to have sex with their insatiable wives.

The cuckold community remains largely online, though in San Francisco, the private club Cuckold Dreams hosts parties for its members. On Haway.org, run by Seattle-based cuckolder Rusty Haway, members can browse ads, post forums and share stories, video and photos. CuckoldPlace.com (a more advanced site where “52,417 registered users can’t be wrong!”), has different categories for members to explore: interracial, intergenerational, basic, ultimate. Here, ads are posted by couples and bulls from all over the world, and range from detailed accounts (accompanied with dick pics and email addresses) to traditional social networking (“Any bulls in Indianapolis?”) Advice is solicited and shared: “Should Wife spend Her vacation along with Her lover(s)?” And, “Should the cuck be chastised?” On the utilitarian Craigslist, dozens of cuckolding-related ads can be found on any given day, though the majority are bulls looking for hotwives.

Other sites feature images ranging from semen dripping over wedding bands to ethereal caucasian goddesses standing next to black men in mirrored shades. The race thing is one of cuckolding’s more uncomfortable aspects. On most cuckolding sites, such as blacksonwives.com and myslutwife.com, there is an overwhelming preoccupation with “Mandingos,” or well-endowed black men. Similar racial parameters exist in the swinging community, as highlighted in Details magazine’s March article on “Mandingo parties” — interracial orgies arranged for single black men to have sex with white wives in front of their white husbands. The popularity of the orgies is buttressed by a two-prong fantasy: the white couple’s fetish for a “BBC” (big, black cock), and the Mandingo’s fetish for having sex with rich, white wives. All participants get something out of it, and a Mandingo even argues that interracial orgies are a by-product of multiculturalism and tolerance. But bigotry — and a dose of white guilt — lie at the heart of any racialized fetish: black men, despite their “superior” sexual prowess, are debased and eroticized, and believed to pose less of a threat because the wives would supposedly never date them.

The cucks I interviewed denied having a preference for Mandingos, but would eventually admit some sort of racialized, if not racist, baggage. Bob, a forty-seven-year-old caucasian male, says he found a relationship through an online ad posted by a woman pursuing black bulls. “I emailed her because I was hoping to fall in love with a sexual white woman who does black guys,” he says. “We hooked up and it was really wild.”

“In American cuckold culture,” he adds, “it’s the white couple that has black bulls. There’s a notion that black men are better-endowed, and the whole idea of white men getting off on feeling sexually inferior to black men.”

A Black-Puerto Rican bull I interviewed does not answer white couples’ ads because “they tend to be more rigid in terms of what they look for in a bull,” he says. “If you’re a black bull, you’d better fit the mold of what the stereotypical black guy is. To them, he’s a cornrow-wearing thug or basketball player. They’re more into the fantasy — the big, black Mandingo.”

“Most black men are not offended by the stereotype that they’re well-hung,” he continues. “But what gets on my nerves is when the ad says, ‘We want a gold-toothed, baggy-pants type,’ or, ‘We want you to look like Allen Iverson or Usher.’ You know what? The typical bull on Craigslist is not going to look like Usher, so get over your stereotype and deal with it.”

The identity politics don’t stop there. While watching another man have sex with his female partner, a cuck also negotiates a homoerotic encounter in a way that feels less threatening to his heterosexual identity. A cuck with latent bisexual or gay tendencies may be unwilling to have sex with a man, but can concede to watching his woman in the act and vicariously experience it through her. If he decides to perform oral sex on a bull, it’s spun as an act meant to please his female partner. The presence of a conduit — the wife or girlfriend — helps to contain his desires within a safer scope of bi-curious sexuality. Bob, for example, would consider being forced into oral sex with a bull, “but I would never go out to a gay club and blow guys. For men, it’s taboo to have bisexual relationships. Cuckolding allows us to express these desires without having to actually have sex with a man.”

In his erotic nineteenth-century novel Venus in Furs, Leopold von Sacher-Masoch writes of a character who tells his lover, “Suffering has a peculiar attraction for me. Nothing can intensify my passion more than tyranny, cruelty and especially the faithlessness of a beautiful woman.” These predilections were later detailed in The Confessions of Wanda von Sacher-Masoch, written by his wife, also known as Aurora Rümelin. According to the memoir, von Sacher-Masoch forced her to take on additional lovers so that he could experience the pain and humiliation of “infidelity,” and was so obsessed with being cuckolded that he personally set up liaisons with other men for his wife, and threatened her if she didn’t cooperate.

And this is how cuckolding, or any fetish, complicates the notion of who is actually in control. For a fantasy that requires the roles of submissive males and dominant females, is the “forceful and lust-driven wife” really the controlling party when coerced into making her husband’s wet dream a reality?

Bob believes cuckolding relationships should be based on mutual consent, and would never twist a woman’s arm into cuckoldry. But similar to von Sacher-Masoch, he often has to coax his girlfriends into participating in his fetish. If they refuse, the relationship ends. If they agree, Bob becomes both the submissive cuck and the voice of authority. “I’ve trained girlfriends to be more dominant, and how to properly tease and humiliate me,” he says. “Women are usually not born as cuckoldresses.”

When Bob was thirty-three, he found a girlfriend who voluntarily had sex with several other men, but expected him to remain monogamous. When Bob revealed his fetish, she agreed to cuckold him, and he stopped having sex with her altogether. “If I kept her satisfied sexually, she wouldn’t have a reason to go out and sleep with other guys,” Bob explains over the phone. “I had to convince her to concentrate on extramartial affairs as her only avenue for sex to ensure that she would keep searching for and finding men.”

Unlike Kurt and Christina, Bob and his girlfriend would dupe their unwitting bull; Bob would hide in the closet or under the bed while his girlfriend had sex above him. Bob helped her groom and prepare for dates. Several days before her date with the bull, Bob would take her shopping for the plunging neckline of her choice. At the mall, they played out their sexual roles: he acted meek and pathetic, protesting that the new clotheswere too provocative, and she would order him to buy them for her anyway. The day before the date, she would make him pay for her manicure and pedicure, or order him to shave her legs in the shower. “Helping her get ready for her date was a huge mind-fuck that I enjoyed immensely,” he says.

But the biggest mind-fuck of all was clean-up duty — Bob liked to perform oral sex on his girlfriend immediately after she had sex with another man. “What makes it erotic is that my woman is really enjoying herself” with the bull, he says. “Then she comes back to me, and humiliates me by saying, ‘Now it’s your turn to have me. You can taste what the other guy left behind.'”

Bob could spend days kicking around theories explaining his behavior. (Low self-esteem? Oedipus complex?) But rather than putting a psychological stamp on his behavior, he’s content with the explanation that he’s submissive in the sack. “I’m not a docile person and I don’t let anyone push me around,” he says. “I’m not intimidated by younger, virile men with larger penises. But my fetish sexualizes it in a way that I feel inferior to them and enjoy those thoughts for the moment. You grow up in a society that always tells you, ‘No one is better than you. Don’t let anybody push you around. Don’t let anybody tell you that you’re not good enough.’ That’s all good in the real world, but why don’t we tweak it in the sexual world?”

On a recent Saturday afternoon, it is Kurt and Christina’s eight-year wedding anniversary. I ask them what their plans are for the night. “[Claudio] might come over,” Christina tells me. “We might drop some E. If you want to join us, the invitation is always open.”

Instead, I meet Claudio alone at a coffee shop in Manhattan. He’s lanky, and flecks of salt-and-pepper hair are tucked under a black cap. He has intelligent eyes and slightly elfin ears. Claudio, thirty-five, met Kurt and Christina, his first cuckolding couple, in 2005. He answered their ad for a bull because it was hard for him to find single women online to have sex with. He noticed a pattern in straight women seeking sex online — the majority of attractive and sane females were always one-half of a couple. “I saw a lot of ads seeking bulls. So I thought, why don’t I try this cuckolding thing?”

The first time Claudio walked from the train station to the couple’s apartment, his heart was racing. He played out different scenarios in his head: if he got too nervous, he thought, he would back out altogether. As he walked into the doorman building with marble floors, he had “the complete jitters.” Christina was waiting for him in the lobby.

They greeted each other. Within five seconds of seeing him, she said, “So, did you bring your dick?”

“Uh, yeah,” Claudio stammered. “I did.”

“Good. Just checking.”

Once they went inside, Claudio met Kurt, and while the men talked in the bedroom, Claudio got his first real look at Christina’s taut figure. A few minutes later, Christina was measuring his penis, and making sure Kurt was getting it on videotape. “I like the attention I get from being a bull,” Claudio admits. “I’m the one that keeps the action moving. If I can’t perform, nothing happens. I like being in that role.”

He feels that bull-dom has made him a new person. “It’s not every man that can just take off his clothes in front of another man and not feel threatened or uncomfortable,” he says. “Being a bull is my way of being someone I’m not in regular life. It’s helped me break out of my shell because I have more confidence now. I found myself through cuckolding.”

Even as he plays the alpha-male role during sex with Christina, Claudio doesn’t feel like he’s better than Kurt. If anything, he envies him. “He has this great-looking wife, and has all this great sex without any of the worries or troubles that I have to go through as a single male,” Claudio says. “I’m still struggling to attain what he has. To me, he has it made.”

Kurt and Christina couldn’t agree more. A bull simply plays a marginal role in their sex life, and only reinforces the sex they have with each other. “Sexually, I know I’m the one,” Kurt says. “No one is better for each other than we are. The things we get from additional partners are just different body parts, smells, actions, styles. In the end, I’m the one tearing her up.”