So the main man in your life wants you to be with other men, huh?
Maybe that is a new revelation to you, or maybe he had been obsessed with it in his fantasy talk with you, or maybe he is pushing to make this fantasy a reality. Your mind is probably swirling and you are feeling confused about how to handle all the emotions, wants, and concerns. And if you are here, reading this, then you are probably in the same spot I was in and are probably at least a little excited about the possibility of it all. So maybe a little about my story will help.
The idea of our men being okay with us sleeping with other men hits us all differently. I was mad, hurt, sad, and depressed. How could my husband, the one man I had committed the rest of my life to be with and faithful to be okay with me having sex with other men. It was more than that, he was more than just okay with it, and he got off on it. I was having trouble with how it meant that my husband viewed me and where I belonged in our relationship. My mind told me it meant that I was nothing special that he would want to keep or protect just for him. It meant that he saw me as just a toy, a sex toy that he could share or loan out to others for fun, and not as a loving woman committed to him and to us. We tried to talk about it and I tried to explain how it all made me feel and even some of my concerns if we move forward with this choice of lifestyle, but some of those talks did not end so nicely as I would get angry at how insensitive I felt he was. And then there were the concerns about him only wanting this so he could sleep with other women.
So, I tried to see things from his perspective. I searched around, looking for any information I could find. I read stories, science articles, and some blogs. I even watched a few pornos. The more I information I found, the more the thoughts were on my mind and the more of an emotional rollercoaster I was on. There was still some anger, but there was also some excitement and thrill mixed in. Those exciting feelings began to concern me and I wasn’t sure how I should handle those. Even if the thoughts of it all did turn me, that is just not how a wife and mother behaves.
Then one day, the stars all aligned. I realized that it wasn’t anything I was doing or not doing, it was him, it was his fetish. And if he wanted it and wanted me to have it, then why not enjoy the ride. He is my husband, I am his wife, and we are in this life together, committed to each other. So I searched more, this time letting myself enjoy the excitement more, enjoying the thoughts and fantasies that my mind worked up. More of my free time was spent thinking about it, different scenarios, different men, different couples, and different thrills. And if our society didn’t think that this mother and wife should be thinking about these things, dreaming about these things, and wanting these things, then too bad. I AM A WOMAN, a living, breathing, human with sexual wants and desires. This society has long celebrated men who think and act in this way, so now it is my turn for some equal treatment. Now it is this wife’s turn!!!
My searching led me to find that this fetish is called cuckoldry, candaulism, or a few other terms that all have different meaning to different people and I think many guys have this fantasy or fetish, even if they don’t admit it or have any desire to act on it. The constants between them all are that the wives sleep around while the husbands don’t, the husbands love their wives and wives love their husbands, and the wives are in control. After that, the details are up to you to work out however you want to make them best fit your life and desires. The more I learned about this fetish and the more I read about people who lived it, the more my view of it all changed. What at first seems like a husband being indifferent or insensitive to his wife’s needs actually turns out to be the opposite. You, as the wife, are the center of his fantasies and he puts your satisfaction, sexual and otherwise, above all else. Above his own desires, above his own needs, and even his own manhood and self in some relationships.
Imagine how many women want that place of prominence in their husband’s mind, and my husband was willing to give it to me. All I had to do was take it. I came to realize that I am indeed special to him. I am his precious jewel and he will give his life protecting me and keeping me happy and satisfied. He is even willing to humiliate himself to do it. He has found his place and found his way to enjoy me enjoying myself (and others 🙂 )
That does not mean that everything is smooth and easy going from here. Even after deciding to enjoy the ride, there was still a mental battle with guilt and worry. We had some fights and our relationship was strained. But it felt good, REAL GOOD, and neither of us could deny that and neither of us wanted that ‘umph’ (as one of my online friends, miss you Becca, calls it) to end. We kept talking and kept working through the issues we had. Even now, our relationship continues to evolve with each new experience and I would love to say that everything is rosy, but we still have our issues and we still have to work through them. We are married, so some fighting is required 🙂
So you may be thinking, “That’s fine and good and all, but I still wonder why?”
That is a good question. Unfortunately, there is no one answer to why men enjoy this fetish. Once you answer that question for your man, you can begin to establish the rules and details of living this lifestyle in your relationship.
The cuckold fetish has a very big submission element in it for the cuck. In his mind, there is nothing more submissive than knowing his wife wants to have sex with other men. She makes no attempt to hide it from him and often times makes him watch. Where does this intense desire to submit come from? Maybe he is a big-wig in the corporate world; the man in charge or the head boss all day and wants a break from it all night. Maybe he grew up with a domineering mother who made every decision for him. If that’s him, then he is most comfortable with a woman calling the shots and what bigger shots are there than sexual shots :). Maybe he had a previous relationship where his wife walked all over him and he longs for that strong woman to control him. If any of those fit him, then it is the humiliation that turns him on. He wants that humiliation, he wants you to say “too late, you brought me here and I’m gonna enjoy it.” He will tell you no, but have the hardest erection he has ever had as you tell him all about what you are going to do, who and how many you are going to do it with, and how you might let him join in or might even plan some times for his enjoyment. He is more submissive in his nature and just cannot bring himself to “tell” you what to do. Some questions you might answer to see if this fits him…Who is more aggressive in bed? Who is more creative when it comes to sex? Does he jump at the chance to do even the smallest request you have? What about chores around the house, does he gripe and complain, do them without a word when asked, or do them without being asked? What type of fantasy does he bring up most…one where he will get the pleasure, or one where you will get the pleasure?
The cuckold fetish can also be used by him to cover up any jealousy he has. A lot of cuckold husbands get to these fantasies by repressing the jealousy of sharing their spouses and attempt to change that jealousy to excitement and lust as a way of not dealing with it. Have their been any traumatic incidents in his life with jealousy or lost (or almost lost) relationships? He may be telling you to go ahead and enjoying the thoughts and actions as a way of covering up the jealousy, but when the euphoria and lust is gone, the jealousy cannot be hidden any more. Some questions to ask to see if this fits him…Any significant break-ups after a long term or intense relationship? How and why did the break-up occur? Any relationships where he had to fight hard to keep his girlfriend and fending off other players? Any strife between his parents that might cause him to avoid and relational confrontations? Any past issues that may cause him to try to make things ‘right’ now?
The cuckold fetish could also be used to cover up any insecurities he has. Maybe he is insecure about his penis size, his abilities in bed, or the number of your previous lovers and how he compares to them. He may even be insecure about something non-sexual. He could feel insecure about his job, his ability to provide for your family, his looks, his childhood, or just about anything. The cuck turns the pain from those insecurities into lust and pleasure by seeing you get the physical stimulation other men provide you. His enjoyment comes vicariously through you and the enjoyment he ‘allows’ you to have.
No matter how or why you get here, you are at a crossroads of a sexual journey.
One path leads down the comfortable relationship that you have been in for years. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking that road. It is safe, well-traveled, and secure. It still takes work to travel down it, but the outcome is known. The other path is full of unknowns. There are bumps and potholes for sure. It can be a difficult path to travel down and take a lot of work. But what a thrilling path it is!!! It is full of intense excitement and nervousness that you haven’t felt in years. It can make you feel so alive and awaken a sexual beast that has been hidden since your teenage or early-college years.
If you are still reading then there is more than just a little interest in enjoying this lifestyle.
Say yes because it feels so good. Say yes because it has been a long time since you’ve taken a risk. Say yes because it will awaken that horny young woman that could think of nothing but her orgasm when she got her first taste. Do something impulsive, say yes, and hang on!! Just say YES!!!
He brought you here, he introduced you to this world, and now it is yours to embrace and enjoy!
Men start us on this journey, but we women keep it going and keep loving it!! Once they start us on the path, there is no going back!!!!!
If you have any questions, ASK AWAY!!! I’m happy to help, but the final decision must be yours alone. Don’t let anyone force you into this.
Well, that is enough for now.