A cuckolding and strong woman to share her adventures and advice. I like to share :).

Posts tagged ‘about me’

Please excuse the mess

Greetings All!!!

This blog started off as a personal brain dump.  A place to dump all the thoughts that were in my head on cuckolding.  Then it became a melting pot of information I found across the web from various authors and sites; some of it good, some of it not so good.  My goal has become to create a single resource where those looking for information on the cuckolding or hot wife lifestyles and come for information.

From personal experience, I know it can be difficult to come to grips with all this lifestyle offers and even how real it is, especially for women.  We have been taught our whole lives that good girls don’t do certain things and married women don’t even consider certain things.  We are also taught that our husband’s love towards us should be expressed in certain ways.  And all of these things we have been taught are completly opposite to this lifestyle.  It can be puzzling, frustrating, hurtful, and exciting all wrapped up in one.  I struggled to find real information from real people to find out just how real all this is and what it means about me, my husband, our family, and our future.  So this blog is meant to provide that single resource.

As I have grown this blog, I have not taken great care in obviously distinguishing my original work from that of others.  I do not intend to take credit for or plagarize the work of others and so I apologize for the confusion I created by not making that obvious distinction.  I will be putting some thought into how better to organize this blog and the information it has in it to make it easier to read for everyone.

Please be aware that when I post work from another author, I make no claims to the accuracy of their work to any scientific evident they produce, how factual it is, or even how realistic it is.  I just want to provide information for men, women, and couples to use to discuss this lifestyle, all it has to offer, and how they want to shape it to fit their own preferences.

Thanks for reading and I welcome all comments or critiques.  Let’s make this our site by working together to build it!!!

 

Good Luck!!!!

Erin

thiswifesturn@yahoo.com

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It starts with the eyes

 We are not a naturally monogamous species.  What is natural is for a man to be turned on by a woman and a woman to be turned on by a man.  (I don’t want to open the whole homosexual debate here, so I’ll say that I’m only talking about straight men and women). 

We’re told men are more visual and I’m all for my guy looking; yes that includes porn and occasional guys nights to a strip club or Hooters.  But we women can be turned on visually and it is okay for us to look too.  We don’t have our swimsuit magazines, clubs to gawk at hunky college studs, or restaurants that disguise bad food behind a pretty package of a waiter, but there are some gorgeous guys that draw our eye.  We can admire someone at the gym or office and dream about some actor in a movie.  We can even have our own dreams and fantasies about someone else.  None of that means we don’t love our husbands, just the same as none of what he sees or looks at means he doesn’t love you.

All it means is that you are alive.  You have eyes, imagination, and hormones and you found something that stimulates them all.  EMBRACE IT!!!!!  And let your man do it too.

It can led to some wild talk and some wild play time.  Yes, we as women can be more insecure about this topic, comparing ourselves to these women who grab his attention.  But we must learn to drown that voice with what is really going on with him.  When he checks out other women, he is not comparing me to them.  I know that it is just a natural response from his sex drive. and I want him to have a sex drive.   Part of the fun of what I do is knowing how excited he gets by it, so as strange as it sounds, his sex drive fuels my excitement and I DON’T want to shut that down. 

And as long as he only looks, I won’t shut that down.  That means I may have to handle a wandering eye or an occasional comment and I’ve found that I now enjoy this healthy expression of his sex drive.  I even give my input and point out someone I think he might find to be a little hottie.  I can turn the tables on him and point out some guys that I find attractive or I point out what features I find sexy on some guys.

It may sound like a double-standard that he only gets to look, but I get to look and touch, but that is how we decided to live our lives and it works for our relationship.  If you are interested in exploring this lifestyle, this looking and communicating about what you see is a WONDERFUL way to get started.  But just because you embrace the fun of looking doesn’t mean that you are destined for this lifestyle.  You are embracing who you are naturally and don’t ever be ashamed of that!!

The Profile of a Cuckoldress

So maybe you are at least just the teansy bit  interested in this lifestyle, but just can’t shake the idea that a good and proper woman, or wife, or mother should not act on that curiosity, or even consider it.

So I want to tell you about the women who do consider the thoughts, the daydreams, and the fantasies.  The women who embrace the freedom and act on those thoughts.  

I’ll start with me.

I’m a fairly curvy woman, I was built to pleasure a man. I love to know that he is hot with desire for me and my curvy parts.  I love to see and feel the physical response of  a certain body part only he has and knowing that I was able to do that to him.  Something magical happens inside me when I know that I am the object of a man’s desires.  Even if that desire is never physically realized, it is a HUGE aphrodisiac

I love to be touched and rubbed by my partner, to feel his strong, rough, and yet soft hands on my smooth skin.  My breasts are sensitive, one of my erogenous zones. It tingles when my nipples get hard, the tingling drives me wild, makes me warm, and lustful. Sometimes in the throws of passion, if they aren’t getting enough attention, I’ll rub and stimulate them myself.   I’ve been called a touchy-feely type of girl many times.

I love sex, all parts of sex; the flirting, build-up, and anticipation, the kissing, teasing, and foreplay, the penetration, being filled up, and the building of the orgasm.

How does that sound?  Does that sound too far off a ‘normal’ woman?  Does that sound so different than you?

But wait, that’s not all!!!!!

As much as I would like to say that I am a 24 hour, 7 day a week sex goddess who spends 100% of my time doing and thinking about sexual things, life does interrupt and it must be lived.  I am a regular woman, a wife, a mother, and part of a regular family.

We could be any family that you meet.  We could be your next door neighbors, the family seated next to you at church, or another family on your child’s soccer team.  I could be that new mommy at the playgroup, I could be your best customer at your last Pamperd Chef party, or maybe I started the scrapbook club you so look forward to each month.  We have our jobs, friends, and responsibilites that can’t be neglected just because we want to enjoy our extra sexual fun.

Enough about me, so now what about you?  Think you might fit the profile of a Cuckoldress?

Angela Lewis, PhD, in her book “My Other Self” says yes you do!  Well, okay, maybe not you specifically, but she does say that any ‘normal’ woman could be a cuckoldress.  Her research and observations has led to some conclusions that may surprise many people.

Her full survey results can be seen from the link below, and I’ll list the high points below:

Suvey Results

According to the survey, the definition of a ‘Typical” Cuckoldress:

  • Well-educated
  • White
  • In her thirties
  • In her first marriage and has been in it for at least 11 years
  • Dominant in her relationship, but submissive with her lovers.
  • No preference in race, but does consider penis size when considering lovers
  • Still has sex with her husband.
  • Seperates love from sexual desire.
  • Discrete about her extra-sexual fun

Some of the reasons women gave for choosing this lifestyle:

  • Husband cannot sexually satisfy me
  • I have a high sex drive
  • I had a crush that I wanted to explore
  • My husband worships and adores me and has given me the gift of having all the sex and pleasure that I deserve
  • My husband is an alpha male in his life, but he willingly submits to me sexually and I love to see him lose control
  •  Discovered husband is aroused by this fantasy and I enjoy the power and control

I was surprised by the lack of rules for some couples.  Here are the activitives where most said they have no rules and it depends on the situation:

  • Husband’s allowed participation
  • Condom use – really suprising and scary to me!!!

Finally, most have agreed that cuckolding has strengthened their relationships.

I’m not trying to convince you to live this lifestyle.  It is not for everyone and should not be entered into lightly.  I want you to know that you are not some hussy or something sleazy because these thoughts are in your imagination or because you want to do this.  Don’t let this society or culture tell you want a proper wife should do. 

But if it is fear that is keeping you from doing this, then find ways to manage it.  A little fear is a good thing.  It helps us to pay attention and to consider all the costs and everything that could be changed.  But too much fear is a bad thing.  If it keeps you from being who you want to be, then talk about it with your partner.  Find baby steps that can help you overcome and manage those fears.

You have your own dreams and desires. 

You shouldn’t live in the shadow of your own desires forever. You have to take that chance and make your life reflect who you really are.

Good Luck!!!!

So now what?

So the main man in your life wants you to be with other men, huh?

Maybe that is a new revelation to you, or maybe he had been obsessed with it in his fantasy talk with you, or maybe he is pushing to make this fantasy a reality.  Your mind is probably swirling and you are feeling confused about how to handle all the emotions, wants, and concerns. And if you are here, reading this, then you are probably in the same spot I was in and are probably at least a little excited about the possibility of it all.  So maybe a little about my story will help.

The idea of our men being okay with us sleeping with other men hits us all differently.  I was mad, hurt, sad, and depressed.  How could my husband, the one man I had committed the rest of my life to be with and faithful to be okay with me having sex with other men.  It was more than that, he was more than just okay with it, and he got off on it.  I was having trouble with how it meant that my husband viewed me and where I belonged in our relationship.  My mind told me it meant that I was nothing special that he would want to keep or protect just for him.  It meant that he saw me as just a toy, a sex toy that he could share or loan out to others for fun, and not as a loving woman committed to him and to us.  We tried to talk about it and I tried to explain how it all made me feel and even some of my concerns if we move forward with this choice of lifestyle, but some of those talks did not end so nicely as I would get angry at how insensitive I felt he was.  And then there were the concerns about him only wanting this so he could sleep with other women.

So, I tried to see things from his perspective.  I searched around, looking for any information I could find.  I read stories, science articles, and some blogs.  I even watched a few pornos.  The more I information I found, the more the thoughts were on my mind and the more of an emotional rollercoaster I was on.  There was still some anger, but there was also some excitement and thrill mixed in.  Those exciting feelings began to concern me and I wasn’t sure how I should handle those.  Even if the thoughts of it all did turn me, that is just not how a wife and mother behaves.

Then one day, the stars all aligned. I realized that it wasn’t anything I was doing or not doing, it was him, it was his fetish.  And if he wanted it and wanted me to have it, then why not enjoy the ride.  He is my husband, I am his wife, and we are in this life together, committed to each other.  So I searched more, this time letting myself enjoy the excitement more, enjoying the thoughts and fantasies that my mind worked up.  More of my free time was spent thinking about it, different scenarios, different men, different couples, and different thrills.  And if our society didn’t think that this mother and wife should be thinking about these things, dreaming about these things, and wanting these things, then too bad.  I AM A WOMAN, a living, breathing, human with sexual wants and desires.  This society has long celebrated men who think and act in this way, so now it is my turn for some equal treatment.  Now it is this wife’s turn!!!

My searching led me to find that this fetish is called cuckoldry, candaulism, or a few other terms that all have different meaning to different people and I think many guys have this fantasy or fetish, even if they don’t admit it or have any desire to act on it.  The constants between them all are that the wives sleep around while the husbands don’t, the husbands love their wives and wives love their husbands, and the wives are in control.  After that, the details are up to you to work out however you want to make them best fit your life and desires.  The more I learned about this fetish and the more I read about people who lived it, the more my view of it all changed.  What at first seems like a husband being indifferent or insensitive to his wife’s needs actually turns out to be the opposite.  You, as the wife, are the center of his fantasies and he puts your satisfaction, sexual and otherwise, above all else.  Above his own desires, above his own needs, and even his own manhood and self in some relationships.

Imagine how many women want that place of prominence in their husband’s mind, and my husband was willing to give it to me.  All I had to do was take it.  I came to realize that I am indeed special to him.  I am his precious jewel and he will give his life protecting me and keeping me happy and satisfied.  He is even willing to humiliate himself to do it.  He has found his place and found his way to enjoy me enjoying myself (and others 🙂 )

That does not mean that everything is smooth and easy going from here.  Even after deciding to enjoy the ride, there was still a mental battle with guilt and worry.  We had some fights and our relationship was strained.  But it felt good, REAL GOOD, and neither of us could deny that and neither of us wanted that ‘umph’ (as one of my online friends, miss you Becca, calls it) to end.  We kept talking and kept working through the issues we had.  Even now, our relationship continues to evolve with each new experience and I would love to say that everything is rosy, but we still have our issues and we still have to work through them.  We are married, so some fighting is required 🙂

So you may be thinking, “That’s fine and good and all, but I still wonder why?”

That is a good question.  Unfortunately, there is no one answer to why men enjoy this fetish.  Once you answer that question for your man, you can begin to establish the rules and details of living this lifestyle in your relationship.

The cuckold fetish has a very big submission element in it for the cuck.  In his mind, there is nothing more submissive than knowing his wife wants to have sex with other men.  She makes no attempt to hide it from him and often times makes him watch.  Where does this intense desire to submit come from?   Maybe he is a big-wig in the corporate world; the man in charge or the head boss all day and wants a break from it all night.  Maybe he grew up with a domineering mother who made every decision for him.  If that’s him, then he is most comfortable with a woman calling the shots and what bigger shots are there than sexual shots :).  Maybe he had a previous relationship where his wife walked all over him and he longs for that strong woman to control him.  If any of those fit him, then it is the humiliation that turns him on.  He wants that humiliation, he wants you to say “too late, you brought me here and I’m gonna enjoy it.”  He will tell you no, but have the hardest erection he has ever had as you tell him all about what you are going to do, who and how many you are going to do it with, and how you might let him join in or might even plan some times for his enjoyment.  He is more submissive in his nature and just cannot bring himself to “tell” you what to do.  Some questions you might answer to see if this fits him…Who is more aggressive in bed?  Who is more creative when it comes to sex?  Does he jump at the chance to do even the smallest request you have?  What about chores around the house, does he gripe and complain, do them without a word when asked, or do them without being asked? What type of fantasy does he bring up most…one where he will get the pleasure, or one where you will get the pleasure?

The cuckold fetish can also be used by him to cover up any jealousy he has.  A lot of cuckold husbands get to these fantasies by repressing the jealousy of sharing their spouses and attempt to change that jealousy to excitement and lust as a way of not dealing with it.  Have their been any traumatic incidents in his life with jealousy or lost (or almost lost) relationships?  He may be telling you to go ahead and enjoying the thoughts and actions as a way of covering up the jealousy, but when the euphoria and lust is gone, the jealousy cannot be hidden any more.  Some questions to ask to see if this fits him…Any significant break-ups after a long term or intense relationship?  How and why did the break-up occur?  Any relationships where he had to fight hard to keep his girlfriend and fending off other players?  Any strife between his parents that might cause him to avoid and relational confrontations?  Any past issues that may cause him to try to make things ‘right’ now?

The cuckold fetish could also be used to cover up any insecurities he has.  Maybe he is insecure about his penis size, his abilities in bed, or the number of your previous lovers and how he compares to them.  He may even be insecure about something non-sexual.  He could feel insecure about his job, his ability to provide for your family, his looks, his childhood, or just about anything.  The cuck turns the pain from those insecurities into lust and pleasure by seeing you get the physical stimulation other men provide you.  His enjoyment comes vicariously through you and the enjoyment he ‘allows’ you to have.

No matter how or why you get here, you are at a crossroads of a sexual journey.

One path leads down the comfortable relationship that you have been in for years.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking that road.  It is safe, well-traveled, and secure.  It still takes work to travel down it, but the outcome is known.  The other path is full of unknowns.  There are bumps and potholes for sure.  It can be a difficult path to travel down and take a lot of work.  But what a thrilling path it is!!!  It is full of intense excitement and nervousness that you haven’t felt in years.  It can make you feel so alive and awaken a sexual beast that has been hidden since your teenage or early-college years.

If you are still reading then there is more than just a little interest in enjoying this lifestyle.

Say yes because it feels so good.  Say yes because it has been a long time since you’ve taken a risk.  Say yes because it will awaken that horny young woman that could think of nothing but her orgasm when she got her first taste.  Do something impulsive, say yes, and hang on!!  Just say YES!!!

He brought you here, he introduced you to this world, and now it is yours to embrace and enjoy!

Men start us on this journey, but we women keep it going and keep loving it!!  Once they start us on the path, there is no going back!!!!!

If you have any questions, ASK AWAY!!!  I’m happy to help, but the final decision must be yours alone.  Don’t let anyone force you into this.

Well, that is enough for now.

Good Luck!!!!

Why I cuckold

The basics of this came from someone else (thank you toy4her), but it is how I feel and helps explain the why.

Basically, I make my husband a cuckold because I like it.

To be proper in our society where a woman only does things to support her precious hubby I guess I should say: “My husband is a cuckold, because that is what he is longing for and because he wants me to lead him to a deeper submission. If he wouldn’t, I wouldn’t do it.”

But the reality is I ENJOY IT!!!   That’s right, it is about me and for me and I will scream that from the mountaintops.

I love meeting men, the whole process from the beginning of the meeting until the conclusion.  I love making love with a man and sometimes just having raw sex with a man.   I keep my husband up to date of things, because I love his support and his deepening submission.  Believe it or not I do love him and love coming home to him. And I love that my husband does not have the right to have the same priviledges as I have.   He only gets what I allow him to get

It is part of who I am, what I believe. It is not a game but a way of life, and a statement.

As I said, I love the whole process. I like to flirt, seduce, be seduced by a handsome man. I like to be asked out on a date. I like to tease my husband about my encounters. I like it when my husband helps me prepare for a new appointment.

I like to go out. I love the game, and to test a man. I like the kiss (the first kiss!), the first caress, to be in his arms, and yes, I love sex! I like to see my husband before, after, and sometimes during, shy, tormented, or otherwise confused. I love this power I feel, and I like what it gives me, and above all I like what it does to my husband.

And I can tell you, you do not know how it feels to really control a man until he is a cuckold, your cuckold.

The cuckolding process is so much more then having sex. It is liberating and by allowing it my husband accepts his subservient position. It is a total power exchange of the husband submitting to the dominant female.

It is neither swinging nor wife swapping. It doesn’t happen because my husband craves for it. I would have stopped after the first try. I continued because it increases my pleasure, and because I feel like it. I enjoy every minute of it. Everything is for my pleasure, and the frustration of my husband forms part of the pleasure.

It was my husband who brought it up, more then once. He had to convince me. Before I decided to give it a try, I told my husband that if we would do it, it might be permanent. And indeed.

There is no way back.

Why Not?

So Why not???  That is the question that keeps going through my mind for all women.
 
You say that this is something that you really want, so why not go for it.  You say that this is something that he brought you to and opened the door to this world, so he wants you to enjoy it, so why not let him enjoy it with you.
 
Why would any woman not cuckold their husband if he was willing?  Imagine all the possibilites, imagine the fun, imagine the thrill, and imagine the power that would cum with each day.  You get to live the single-lifestyle with all the fun and living-in-the-moment experiences, but the stability of a relationship.  The best of both worlds.  If your man is willing, then he wants to live through your experience.  So you should have fun to let them live through you!
 
So as a woman, you have to decide if you want to try it.
 
Do you?????
 
You have desires and needs, so why hold yourself back?  If he is supportive, or your own ‘cheering squad’, and wants to try it, then why not try it?  Are you scared?  Do you not really like sex as much as you think or as much as he does?  Are you sexually satisfied by him?  Do you want more, even if you don’t need it?   Are frustrated by his lack of ‘umph’ and you want more?   Why not go get it?
 
The more you think and talk about it, the easier it gets.  The first time at a lingerie or adult toy store, you are probably a little nervous or uneasy about it.  But the more you go to that store, the easier it becomes and then it is just like going to Walmart.  No big deal.  That goes for cuckolding or swinging too.  The first time can be akward, but the more you talk, the more you fantasize, the more you watch movies (there are even some great non-porn movies about cuckold, hot wifing, or swinging), the easier it becomes until it is part of your life.  Nothing about cuckolding or swinging has changed, but the way you view it has.  Now you are ready to totally embrace your sexual side and go for it.
 
You are now in control of your sexual life and his.  Even the simplest of everyday chores can have a sexual arousal to them.  Imagine how turned on he would be folding the laundry or doing the dishes knowing that you asked him to have those done by the time you get back home from your night out with a friend.  You would come home completely satisfied and still have more attention waiting for you at home because of this build up.  I can tell you that it does not get any better than that.
 
It is not about how little he thinks about you, devalue you, or how unimportant you are.  This does not dimish his desire to be with you or to love you.  It is the exact opposite.  He wants you to enjoy and get the most out of life and sex.  You are the center of his fantasies.  This is his voyeristic kink and he wants to watch you!!!  Enjoy that attention.  Most women can only dream of having that place of prominence in their husband’s mind.
 
This is who the two of you are as sexual beings.  Don’t deny yourselves that pleasure without even trying it!!!!
 
So WHY NOT????