Over the next several days, I’ll be posting this GREAT guide for both men and women, the couple and the extra, here. To make it easier to read, I will post it in three parts. This is not my original work. I found it at
I found it to be a wonderful read and even though we lean more towards a cuckold relationship, this is still a help to anyone considering this or wanting more information
Are we ready to turn fantasy into reality?
There are several prerequisites that should be met before you both consider turning this fantasy into a reality which relate to your background, mindset and age.
- Have you explored the more moderately erotic sexual activities first? There are several turn-ons that help to bring about sexual maturity. These are discussed in the next section.
- The fantasy has to become her fantasy. In some cases, this is a difficult hurdle and is discussed in the next sections. Men often fail to understand that turning this fantasy into reality for her is more of a journey, with several key steps along the way.
- She must be capable of having sex without emotional involvement. This is relatively easy for a large percentage of men, but may be difficult for women. Society dictates to women, from a young age that “where her body goes, so does her heart”. It is important that you talk about this issue up front so she can feel comfortable with sexual play without attachment.
- Age makes a difference for some. Older couples, in their 30’s and beyond are generally more comfortable with this type of adult play. This is particularly true for women.
Discussions with her about the fantasy
This section will mainly apply to the male readers.Women want respect, love and physical sex – usually in that order. If you’re preparing to discuss this seriously with your partner, this is a perfect time to work on your relationship. Before you broach the subject directly, it is assumed you’ve already explored her sexual past and have bought toys that help explore sex with another partner. There are countless ideas, but I’ve compiled a list of sexual experiences that encourage sexual maturity for both of you:
Less sexually advanced:
- Have her dress up in a sexy outfit such as tight jeans and blouse, then go to a secluded location such as a park. Unbutton a few buttons on her blouse or jeans and take photographs of her in sexy poses.
- Give your wife a gift certificate for a body massage and prearrange to have a man deliver the massage.
- Read one of the books in the Women Readers section.
- Role play. Have her come into a bar and flirt with you, pick you up and take you home.
- Have sex in risky places where there is a chance someone might see you.
- Buy her a revealing dress. Go somewhere you won’t be known and dance the night away in front of others.
- Have her dress provocatively, then go to a public place. Watch other men watch her.
- If you’re apart (e.g. business travel), call her when you’ve been away for several days and encourage her to act as if your fantasy has come true over the phone.
- Place an ad in “Your Wife’s Lovers” on the Dark Wanderer and encourage a man to have a cyber-sex relationship with your wife.
- Post a sexy picture of her, where her identity is not revealed on the net, then ask for comments and read them together.
- Have a male masseuse come to the house and give your wife a body massage as a surprise.
- Have her dress provocatively, then go out and expose her breasts or sexy behind to someone she knows or a stranger.
- Take her dancing, sit apart and encourage her to dance with another man.
- Have an on-line ICQ relationship or visit a chat room.
The best time to talk seriously about this fantasy is while flirting, but not in the throes of passion. As with most sensitive topics, timing is everything. 🙂 I urge you to take the open and honest approach about your sexual needs. Explain that your fantasy has developed over time, as you’ve thought about you’re own sexuality. If you’re like nearly every man I’ve responded to on this topic, the idea of exploring a MFM relationship does not in any way lessen your love for your partner. She needs to hear this message in particular.
Most women will jump to conclusions and believe that their partner actually desires a swinging relationship. They may view a shared-wife experience as a means to that end. It will be necessary to reassure her otherwise, perhaps frequently.
Don’t discuss the details about how and when – that’s for later. First share the reasons you want it to happen (see part 1 ). Explore how you think you will feel afterwards. I would suggest a “go slow” approach. This is your chance to grow and explore your sexuality together over time and strengthen your relationship. If done right, it will be a wonderful experience and you’ll remain happy, sexually fulfilled and very much in love.
When a couple selects a man to be included in your sex life, just keep in mind that he might not be the right partner, either now or some time into the future. There could be a variety of reasons, but the more he knows about either of you, the more difficult it will be to keep him out of your life. If he does not have a way to contact you besides e-mail, it is much easier to say you’re not interested and move on. For this reason, I don’t particularly recommend:
- Ex boyfriends that live in your area
- A guy you meet at a gym
- A friend that lives in your area
The best, perhaps not the easiest, choice is an acquaintance who lives some distance away and visits only occasionally or someone that you get to know just for the purpose of MFM encounters. These other options can be trouble for a variety of reasons. Ex-boyfriends: She knows the guy and she’s already had sex with him, so what could be wrong? Plenty. Women have a natural tendency to become attached to whoever they are having sex with. If he was more than a one night stand, she was at one time emotionally involved. Sex with him will bring back those emotional feelings for both her and the boyfriend. This is way uncool, so why risk it?
Men, just like women, can easily become emotionally attached to a sex partner. When that happens, it is not uncommon for the boyfriend to attempt to convince her to resume a permanent relationship, even when there’s no chance she would consider it. It ruins the event for everyone.
Couples select ex-boyfriends because they fear meeting someone new. These guys come with way too much emotional baggage, and should be avoided.
Friends that live in your area : I don’t discourage this in all cases, but it would not be my first choice. If they are occasional visitors to your area (or if you visit them), that’s more acceptable but proceed with caution. After she has sex with him, the friendship can change and can actually dissolve and become awkward. I made this mistake and regret it. Good friends are hard to come by. It is better to meet someone for the expressed purpose to have sex than it is to risk a old friendship. Friends also know where you live, work, play and may talk with other friends of yours. It is OK to become friends with her new partner to some degree, but don’t expect it to have the dynamics of a typical friendship.
Again, couples select friends because they fear meeting someone new. Friends are not usually the best candidates because they know too much about you. I suggest you both consider first a “new” partner brought into your lives for the explicit purpose of adding to your sex life.
A guy she knows from the gym or work: It is easier for her, because she has already sized him up and he’s considered acceptable. The down side it that he probably knows where he can find her. Also, he’s local. Local people know others in your area and then you risk the possibility that your shared wife experiences are commonly known. Some of the people you encounter in these situations may be acceptable, what if you bring them into your sex life and it does not work out? Now avoiding them is a problem, and this was supposed to be fun, right?
When you surprise someone on the topic of sex, you never know how they will react. Here are a couple of situations couples may want to avoid.
Propositioning a friend: Imagine you’re planning to ask a friend to participate in a three-way. How do you know he will agree? If he says no, everyone will feel very stupid and the friendship will likely suffer. Maybe he will not agree to have sex with the husband present because it is just too embarrassing (there are lots of guys like this). Again, it will create problems. Maybe he is impotent. Get the picture? My advice is that you should be prepared for most any reaction if you’re planning to ask a pal for three-way sex.
Propositioning someone you just met: What if you are planning to ask someone you just met, say at a nightclub or while on vacation? She has danced and flirted with this young hunk for two hours. Perhaps they have kissed and both of them are very horny. Then she propositions him for a three-way. The guy suddenly is quite unhappy. He is not interested in a threesome, especially with another guy present! He wants her to himself. Sadly, this does happen.
Your alternative is to proposition through an advertisement. This way, everyone knows up front the nature of the relationship.
How do you find him? There are a few options, let’s explore the advertisement method first. Essentially, couples can use the internet and take out an ad. Place the ad in the The Hot Wife Forum Personals ,(free) Match Doctor (free), Love.aol (free), or the Adult Friend Finder (pay site).
Before you do, I urge you to take sensible precautions. Don’t give out a phone number, address, place of work, identifiable picture or any other personal information. Do include your area code otherwise expect more mail than you can handle. Be prepared for an onslaught of email (20-50 messages per day at least). I suggest an ad that looks similar to the following:
|Couple in the 651 area code seeking man for shared wife experience. She’s in her late 40’s, 155 lbs, 5’5″. Better than average looks and ready. Prospective candidate should be caucasian, 30-38, 180-220 lbs, 5′ 9″ or taller, attractive, trim and drug/disease free. Discretion is a must. Husband will participate. Condom required. Must not be camera shy. Both of us are straight, non smokers and light drinkers. Send a letter describing why we should consider you. Picture required. We seek email friendship first. Requests will be taken for 1 week only. No applications accepted after mm/dd/yy. firstname.lastname@example.org
This ad does not reveal much about you and clearly spells out what you’re seeking. You don’t want to look through 500 ads so there is a deadline for applying. When you receive ads, I would immediately delete any that don’t have a picture attached. Also delete any that appear too direct, poorly written or too brief.
When you find one you like, I suggest you respond with a picture of her that does not reveal her identity and ask for additional information. Let him know that unless you send him e-mail, he is not to send you any.
This can be a fun experience for a couple going through the candidates together. When you think you’ve found the right man, and you believe he is for real, I might suggest you participate in a suggestive cyber-chat or cyber-sex relationship for a while. Get to know him, his likes and dislikes and share similar information with him. This acclimation time make’s it much easier for both of you if you decide to meet.
Other ways to find a mate
Some couples don’t want to use a personals ad. In this case, there are several other options. You can both go to a night club and she can try to pick someone up. Another option is to go on vacation and find someone there. I’ve heard of couples that take a Caribbean vacation just for this purpose.
What About Penis Size?
Readers of MFM erotica found on the web have no doubt noticed the interest, especially by males, centered around the penis size of the studs selected to please their women. The stories seem to take on mythical proportions. So… do you search for a well hung stud? The answer maybe yes and maybe no depending on your situation, although a “minimum” size criteria is a good idea.
Most men desire to have a 10 inch penis as thick as your arm. But, if you ever have an honest conversation with a well hung guy, you might find he’s not perfectly happy about it. Why? Because he’s too long for full penetration with many partners. Vagina size varies significantly and while some are very deep, others are not. Some women experience pain, not unlike a cramp if a penis or dildo makes forceful contact with the back of the vagina near the cervical entrance. If the man cannot grind his pelvic bone against her clitoris, it may be very difficult for her to really enjoy the sex and have orgasms.
Contrary to what you might read, the vagina does not readily stretch in length like a uterus does to accommodate pregnancy. It can adjust to accommodate greater thickness, not length. Thick is generally good. Erotic stories indicate that a women accustomed to the small penis of her husband will over the course of a few minutes be able to accept another man’s tool that’s several inches longer. In my experience, this does not appear to be true. I’m 6.5 inches and have encountered several women that would prefer that I was a half inch shorter because I would occasionally “bottom out” in certain positions. They never seemed to adjust. I’ve also had girlfriends that could accept a 9″ dildo so vaginal depth varies.
Here’s something else to think about. A few years back, I encouraged my then girlfriend to have a sexual experience with another man. We found a guy. She blew him in his car about two weeks before she actually had sexual intercourse with him and found that he had a 4.5 in penis – one of the smallest she had ever seen. I was disappointed, hoping for at least six. A couple of weeks later, she had one of the most intense sexual experiences with this guy that left her breathless. She had so many orgasms, she lost count and her pussy was sore for a day afterwards. It is like the old saying, “It is not the wand, it is the magician.”
Another common complaint I hear from women is that well hung guy’s don’t try to please them in bed. They assume their size means they don’t have to work too hard and it is over too soon.
If you want a guy who’ll please a woman, look for:
- A lover that can stay hard after orgasm or recovers quickly. Some men can.
- A guy who makes her hot before they jump in bed.
- A stud that can have several orgasms over a two hour period.
- A partner that can delay his orgasm while she cums multiple times.
- A man who will ravish her and make her feel intensely desirable.
So in the end, does size matter? Most women have a minimum size criteria and this should be indicated in an ad. To most women, a man is a package not just a penis. His build, appearance, genitals and intensity in bed all combine together to make him desirable. To this I say look for character first, not quantity.
Manage Communications With Her Prospective New Partner
You’ll be most comfortable if her new partner does not know where you live, work or play. In this way, you control the communication.
Why is this so important? Even with people you think you know, when you start having a sexual relationship with them, they may feel entitled to intrude into your life in a variety of ways. He may call one or both of you when it is not wanted. He may show up at your doorstep, at work or at the gym when you simply don’t want him around. He might talk to others that know you.