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The cuckold experience

 

The Cuckold Experience 

(click title for original source)

Anyone who’s ever been in one of these relationships will tell you that they’re emotionally complex, physical stimulating, extremely passionate, and intensely erotic. Men and women who’ve been in these types of relationships often become captivated by their unique intensity. Multiple studies demonstrate that the emotional impact of these relationships on their participants is so profound that it can permanently alter brain chemistry levels in both men and women. They become addicted to the thrilling surges of adrenalin (power) and dopamine (pleasure) associated with these activities.

For men, the phrase “once a cuckold, always a cuckold” speaks to this powerful desire and effect. Despite the conflicting emotional turmoil experienced by men in these relationships… often referred to as “cuckold angst”, described as the most intensely erotic roller coaster ride a man will ever experience… men find it highly addictive, and often find themselves wanting to experience it again and again in subsequent relationships with different women. So much so that they will actively seek out women who will cuckold them.

It’s said the most natural cuckolds in the world are men who experienced the emotional trauma of being made a cuckold during their sexually formative years, typically between 16 and 20. A man with a beautiful flirty girlfriend who cheats on him with other men, and then takes her back despite her infidelity… often begging and pleading with her to come back to him… is a man destined to be a cuckold all his life. With that experience, the die is cast. Thereafter, this pattern (she cheats, he forgives and takes her back) will tend to repeat itself.

For women, the experience is different but can be just as addictive, which is why men who think they want their wife to cuckold them need to be very careful about what they wish for. They might just get it. Once a woman has experienced the sexual variety and freedom of having sex with other men in the context of marriage, they will never give it up. The popular phrase “once a woman goes black, she never goes back” is a truism if there ever was one. But it’s a concept that applies not just to white women having sex with black men, but to married women having sex with other men besides their husbands. These types of experiences will forever alter her perceptions, and change the way she looks at things.

The reality that every would-be cuckold needs to face is that once a woman experiences the raw masculine power of a nine inch bull cock working between her legs, and feels what it’s like to cum five or six times in one night, she will never again be satisfied with a four inch penis that discharges in two minutes and then goes soft for the night. It changes the entire dynamic. A cuckold will quickly find out that the loving patience his wife previously showed with his erection and premature ejaculation issues will abruptly come to an end once she knows she has options.

Similarly, men and women who’ve been in serious power exchange relationships, either as the dominant or submissive partner, find them to be highly addictive and often discover that the experience has profoundly altered their perceptions, sexual interests, and desires.

If, for example, during or shortly after some intense power exchange activity, a person consistently has an orgasm, their mind will thereafter begin to associate that particular activity with having an orgasm, and they will find themselves wanting to experience it again and again. Given enough time and experiences, especially when their orgasms are otherwise controlled and restricted, this will apply to virtually any activity. This, of course, forms the basis for and explains the powerful addictive fascination some people have to BDSM relationships and the whole dominant/submissive dynamic. It applies to both to the dominant and submissive partner, and to both men and women.

These types of relationships begin and subsequently develop in all different kinds of ways, each with their own twists, turns, spins, and sexual flavors, reflecting the various interests, motivations, needs, desires, fetishes, passions, characters, and personalities of the individuals involved.

Sometimes it’s the wife’s idea, sometimes it’s the husband’s. Other times it’s spontaneous, unplanned, and just happens. Some women, whose husbands suggest experimenting with the lifestyle, find the concept repulsive and immoral. Other women immediately embrace the idea and take to it like a duck to water. Still other women slowly warm to the notion, dip their toe in the pool cautiously, and then, after a few amazing orgasmic experiences, wish they had thought of it sooner.

Some wives secretly have sex with other men, without their husbands knowing, and actively try to hide it, while other wives do so openly. Some women feel nervous, apprehensive, and guilty about it afterwards, others are confident, poised, and self-assured. Many women experience mixed emotions… a little guilt, mixed with genuine concern about their husband’s feelings, tempered by powerful memories of how incredible the sex was… which is roughly analogous to the “cuckold angst” that men feel (i.e., the next day they feel guilty, then a week later they want to do it again).

Some husbands know about their wife’s sexual activities, and some don’t. Some men harbor suspicions about a cheating wife, while others are clueless. Some men, if and when they do find out about their wife’s affairs, angrily confront her, while men are more introspective and quietly keep it to themselves, afraid to rock the boat. It’s not uncommon for secret cuckolds to become increasingly obsessive about their wife’s activities, and begin monitoring her cell phone, computer, checking her car, following her, etc.

Some husbands find the idea of their wife fucking other men to be intensely erotic, while others are repulsed by it. Some men are excited and exhilarated by the idea of having to share their wife’s pussy with other men, while others are deeply hurt and humiliated by the experience. Some men get an instant rock-hard erection just thinking about their wife coming home with a wet creamy used pussy, while other men are nauseated by it.

Some men despise their wives for it, while others love her even more. Some men beg their wives to stop, while others actively encourage her to continue. Some husbands like to watch. Some women don’t want their husbands to be present.

Many bulls don’t mind the husband being in the room when they fuck his wife, while others don’t want him to be anywhere around. Some women love to dress up special for their bulls, in ways they never dress up for their husbands, while other women are more discreet about it. Some women enjoy the ritual of always go to their bulls, while other women prefer to entertain their lovers at home. Still other women love the naughty idea of meeting up with their bull in a cheap roadside motel for a long hot afternoon of fucking. Some women enjoy spending the night with their bulls, while other women and couples have rules against it.

Some men want their wives to be able to experience sexual delights and pleasures that they can’t possibly give her, while other men feel humiliated by the fact that they can’t compete against the stronger, more virile men their wife’s typically choose as lovers.

Some women are sexually submissive, some are more dominant. Some men are sexually dominant, some are more submissive. And some are in between. Still others, after experimentation and experience, discover sides to them that they never knew about, and want to explore deeper.

Men and women in these types of relationships live in all different parts of the world, come from various demographic groups, different ages, income levels, educations, cultural backgrounds, and races.

For women, the criteria for picking sexual partners can be vastly different than the standards they might apply in selecting a life partner or husband. In fact, it’s quite common for women to be sexually curious about and physically attracted to men who are radically different than their husbands in terms of physical appearance, background, community and economic status, and personality. It is, after all, about having fun, experimenting, trying something new, exploring, and fulfilling sexual fantasies.

As far as sex partners go, most women are attracted to strong, powerful, dominant, masculine, mentally and physically aggressive men with unbounded physical stamina. They also tend to prefer muscular athletic men with big cocks. This, in large part, explains the powerful sexual attraction that many white women have for black men. The conventional cliché that we all hear about, and that we see all over the internet, is white women in their 30s and 40s that like to have hot nasty sex with young well-hung black men. It’s a stereotype, to be sure, but one that’s also very, very common.

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Cuckold Training Tips

Cuckold Training Tips –

From: tumblr of cucks and hotwives

Although not mandatory, it is common practice to expect the Cuckoldress to receive many more sexual experiences than her cuckolded counterpart. The reasons for this are simple, as the Cuckoldress will have multiple lovers while the cuckold will not, and also because it is generally an accepted practice for the Cuckoldress to have sexual superiority over her cuckold, even to the point of deciding when (or if) her cuckold is lucky enough to be permitted direct sexual contact for the purpose of achieving orgasm. 

Some Cuckoldresses enjoy seeing their cuckolds achieve sexual gratification through direct contact on a regular basis, while others take a completely opposite approach to a cuckold’s orgasms. The path that is ultimately chosen should be decided through obtaining input from both parties, and needs to be carefully explored over the course of time to ensure compatibility, both on the alternative side, as well as the enhancing the core portion of the relationship.  Many Cuckoldresses find additional pleasures in knowing their cuckold receives displeasure or even discomfort, both physically and/or psychologically. Quite often, this may take the form of reduced direct sexual contact, severely regulated acts of masturbation, and sexual and/or orgasm denial. For some Cuckoldresses, it is not enough for the cuckold to remain celibate while his Girlfriend or Wife has other lovers, but sometimes she gains additional pleasure from the knowledge that her cuckold is suffering for her sexual gains as well.  Sometimes, it is very difficult to decide whether denied sexual contact creates greater suffering for the cuckold, or whether not being given the opportunity to masturbate creates greater suffering. For many men, that totally depends on their overall outlook regarding sex. There are men that would be content with regular release, even through masturbation as a legitimate replacement for penetration or receiving oral sex. Many men who have been void of female companionship in their recent past have compensated for the lack of sexual trysts with frequent masturbation. Quite often, this habit has created a situation whereby sex with their significant other is no longer a necessity. If, for example, her cuckold has little or no desire to be denied sexual penetration, then his outlook when visualizing or otherwise knowing another man is penetrating his Wife or Girlfriend may be greatly reduced. Therefore, it is critical that if a Cuckoldress wishes her cuckold to suffer, she needs to be aware of the sexual orientation of her cuckold. Otherwise, she will not be able to achieve the desired effect.

As indicated before, frequent masturbation is a habit that can be broken over a period of time. It takes total and complete dedication on the cuckold’s, as well as the Cuckoldresses’ part, however, the greater responsibility lies with the Cuckoldress. One needs to understand that the motivation for changing this bad habit is generally due to the overall needs of the Cuckoldress. 

Eliminating or greatly reducing a bad habit of over masturbating is done by attacking it in two fronts. Firstly, fitting the cuckold with a male chastity device will greatly assist in the physical aspect of withholding masturbation, but also redirecting his ability to orgasm is just as important. If the cuckold has replaced the joy of intercourse with masturbation, this can be changed over time by utilizing a chastity device to ensure his inability to receive self gratification, but then requiring him to climax only by vaginal penetration over time might tend to re-discovering the rapture of sexual intercourse. Once he has become dependent on climaxing via vaginal sex and that frequent masturbation is no longer satisfying or even possible, his suffering will probably increase when knowing or seeing a lover’s cock deep inside his Girlfriend or Wife vagina. Think of it Ladies – What do you think would happen if your boyfriend or husband found wonderful times pounding your pussy to the best of his ability, only for you to take that away from him by replacing him with another lover or lovers more endowed, or with more stamina, or even possibly discovering the joys of interracial sex, or dare I say, all three? It should also be noted that the same mindset regarding vaginal intercourse can easily be used for oral or anal sex. Let’s face it Girls; if you enjoy seeing your cuckold suffer, just give him great oral sex with all the trimmings and then gleefully take it away and make him watch you give your lovers the same pleasures you used to give him.  In closing, I highly recommend that you listen intently to his sexual history so you can learn all about his likes, dislikes, habits, and fantasies. Naturally, if you still plan on making love with him it is certainly important to know how to make your sex life with him more pleasurable for the both of you. However, if your thoughts have turned to a more sinister (HeHe) course of action, then knowing his weaknesses will go a long way towards cuckolding your honey in ways that will make him more loving, attentive, and compliant to your desires. Suffering may sound cruel for many people, but handled the proper way can help to turn your life, both sexually and otherwise into a very enjoyable situation for all involved.

Creating an Enjoyable Cuckolding Experience

 Enjoying the Cuckolding ExperienceObviously, there are many different wives and couples who dine from this buffet of sexual preferences the world has to offer, so this post will not apply to everyone, but anyone may be able to take small pieces and use them. 

The dynamics in a cuckolding relationship can be intense, thrilling, and intimidating for everyone involved.  That range is what makes it so exciting, but it also is what makes it so scary.  We often times find it challenging to balance a relationship that has two people in it, so it is natural to cringe at the thought of adding a third (or fourth, or fifth, or sixth…) to the mix.  Or maybe we push back at the idea of getting close enough to the third person to think of them as being in the relationship or we keep the details of our affairs off limits to our husbands.  But that doesn’t need to be the case.

To make the cuckolding experience an enjoyable one for everyone involved and to keep the lifestyle fresh and going, everyone needs to get the maximum benefit from it.  That may seem obvious, but if it is not considered, you may be missing out on the full enjoyment of the lifestyle.

So you may be asking what the maximum benefit is for each person in this lifestyle.  Well, that’s a good question and the details will be different for each, but in general terms it means that the couple and the boyfriend(s) practice cuckolding together.  That is, you practice it as a threesome.  Now don’t freak out if the idea of being with two men at the same time is not your thing.  That is not exactly what I’m suggesting (but if you are open to it, MFM fun can be its own thrill 🙂 ).  But here, what I mean by threesome is three equal parts; hubby, wife, and boyfriend.

First, as the wife, if you are mainly hooking-up with various men at random times or places or if you have a regular boyfriend, but keep him away from your husband and your home, then you are missing out on some of the best experiences of the cuckolding lifestyle.  A steady boyfriend, or group of steady boyfriends, can be create much more rewarding experiences.  Don’t fear intimacy with your boyfriend, it is healthy, natural, and adds to the experience for everyone involved.

Sure it can be scary and intimidating for a couple to bring a steady relationship with another man into their lifestyle, but in reality, it is less risky physically.  If the concern is the emotional risk, then couples really shouldn’t even be thinking about this.  This is not polyamory we are talking about here, where the wife loves multiple partners.  Not to offend anyone, but I do not see how that relationship works.  In my experience, women cannot truly love more than one man.  This threesome setup I describe would be like adding a Friend with Benefit to the couple.  This FWB is available physically for the wife, but the emotional support comes from the husband.

Second, if you never involve your husband directly in your dates or sexual encounters, you are keeping him from experiencing some of the most intense feelings and parts of being your cuck.  Part of the sexual gratification your husband receives from being your cuck is mental and emotional.  The mental torture of the images that are burned into his mind from seeing with his own eyes the lust in your enjoyment of your boyfriend.  The emotional knots in his stomach watching his wife willingly submit to her boyfriend and enjoy her lover’s body like she once enjoyed her husband’s.  The anxiety and worry from seeing how much his wife can enjoy sex without him and what it means for him.  As strange as it sounds, this ‘anguish’ is a HUGE aphrodisiac for a cuck.  He has found a way of turning what would otherwise be debilitating jealously in others into an amazing and addictive stimulant.  It works much the same when you are away from him for the night and return with tales of your encounters, but the intensity increases hundred times over when he sees it with his own eyes.

And you may find that you enjoy the thrill of him watching more than you ever thought.  The thrills of seeing his erection grow with each act.  His lust growing to a point where his body aches for touch, any touch, and it forces him to masturbate looking for any release as he watches you squirm in ecstasy with your boyfriend.

But what if you or your boyfriend is not comfortable with your husband being around?  Well, go slow.  

He will need to be convinced that your husband is fine with the arrangement, that your husband won’t go postal on him when he watches you with your boyfriend, and that there are no ulterior motives at play here (i.e. no bi-sexual switches in the heat of passion).  Your boyfriend needs to be shown the submissive role your husband has taken in your new relationship.  Here are some ways you can start it off and slowly warm him up to the idea:

1)      Have your boyfriend pick you up at your house while your husband is there.  Introduce the two of them and be sure to use their ‘titles’ of husband and boyfriend (or you could call him your date if you need to go extra slow).  Give your boyfriend a passionate kiss with your husband watching and cuddle up close to him.  Your boyfriend will see your husband simply stand there and watch you two.  Before you leave, give your husband a goodbye kiss, but just a quick peck, make sure there is a big distinction between the two kisses to reinforce your husband’s role.  As you walk to the car, tell your boyfriend how hot and sexy it was to kiss him like that in front of your husband.  He may not get the message immediately, but you should show him enough to know that kissing him in front of your husband gets you hot and wet.

2)      During the dates, if the discussion ever turns to you being married or mentions your husband at all, don’t shy away from it.  Don’t be afraid to discuss your husband and his reactions to your dating.  Even share any details about how excited your husband gets the closer it comes to your date night and how he helps you get ready (picking out clothes, helping you choose sexy lingerie…).  Share the fantasies you and your husband have discussed and how you two have gotten to this point in your relationship.  Don’t use him like a therapist, but the more you can stimulate his mind with information, the more his imagination will be intrigued by it.

3)      Before your next date, have your husband make contact with your boyfriend to get his input about what he would like for you to wear.  It doesn’t need to be very specific and it could be as simple as asking what type of lingerie or panties does your boyfriend want you to wear.

4)      Have the dinner portion of the date at your house.  Your husband can be involved as much as you want and it even helps show his submissive role when you give him little tasks to do.  They don’t have to be big or humiliating tasks, they could be simple ones like greeting your boyfriend at the door, fixing the drinks for everyone, cleaning up the table.  After dinner, have some fun ‘social’ time together with you next to your boyfriend flirting, teasing, and even doing some foreplay fun with him with your husband watching.  Before you go out for the night, give your husband some task to do.  Again, it doesn’t need to be humiliating or overly dominant, but something as simple as saying “I hope that kitchen is clean when I get back home.”  It could be given with a light-hearted tone or laugh.

5)      Call your husband during your date and give him a teasing description of what is going on or what is about to happen.  Be sure your boyfriend is listening.  Before the call you could even ask your boyfriend for suggestions about what to tell your husband or deliberately create a situation to tell your husband about (i.e. your hand is rubbing your boyfriend’s dick under the table, or your boyfriend has his hand under your skirt while you are sitting at a bar).  To push the limits, you can call your husband from your boyfriend’s place, leaving the phone open for your husband to hear the sounds of sexual arousal and then hang-up just when things are getting hot and heavy.

Eventually this will all lead to some heavy petting and kissing at your home, then on to some fun in the bedroom and you may never leave the house.  Don’t get me wrong, we women love to be wined and dined, but sometimes we just want to be fucked.  During the first few of these make out sessions, your husband can watch and you can emphasize his submissive role by having him tied to a chair, watch the two of you while he is naked, or have him be your butler and undress you for your boyfriend.  When you retreat to the bedroom boldly state that your husband is to stay out of the bedroom unless you two call for him.

All of this may seem like such a challenge to most women and not worth the trouble.  But think of it as a game and once you win this game, it will become second nature to you and your boyfriend.  He will begin to take the initiative (and be very encouraging of him when he does as any negative criticism will likely make him regress) and you will be surprise just how playful he can be in your home or around your husband.  Your make out sessions on the couch will go further faster and you’ll find that your boyfriend is even embracing the relationship and coming up with things for your husband to do to help you two out in your passion play.

You’ll also find that your husband is having harder orgasms when you do let him cum.  All of this teasing and torment will cause a buildup in him like he has never felt.  And the more buildup there is, the more submissive he becomes.

Good Luck To All!!!!  Enjoy making this cuckold experience and enjoyable one for all!

A note to our loving, yet perverted, husbands

Everyone knows you love her.  You married her.   You picked her from the world wide women’s web and decided to make her your special, one-of-a-kind woman.  You’ve spent years loving her and doing everything she wants, trying to make her happy.  Now her loving, and perverted, husband has one more idea in his head.  It is something you think she will enjoy and so you’ve turned it into your fantasy so you can find some way in your mind to enjoy it too.  Just remember, it’s not a small thing you are asking your wife to do.  You have to understand that there may be a long road ahead, and you need to understand that once its out there and done, you can’t take it back.  You have opened her mind and her imagination to a world of possibilities and you can’t bring that back.  Of course I will assume you don’t want to do that, so I will give you a suggestion or two on how you should deal with the journey.

One of the worries women have when their husbands want them to fuck another man is that the marriage will be damaged and that damage will cause her to lose her security or her safety net. Obviously, it is a big departure from the traditional marriage situation, so you need to convince her that the marriage will not be damaged.  To the contrary, it will be enhanced, even strengthened, and that you will love her even more.

You have to explain to her that she will be able to explore more of her own sexuality.  She is free to fuck.  If she gets comfortable fucking another man, then she will be more sexual with you, however you define it; sex, teasing, denial, chastity, dominant; because any walls she had built up about what a woman should be sexuality, those will be broken down and disappear. That does mean that she might just as well not want to fuck you any longer – or under peculiar conditions only (for instance, only after her bull has fucked her) – that’s the risk .

Maybe it is the idea of being called a slut she doesn’t like, or maybe she doesn’t like the term hot wife.  Remind here it is something most men and husbands want to see in their women, and most other women will envy in her once your wife has obtained the self-confidence to openly expose herself as such.

Another reason women think their husbands want them to sleep with other men is so the husbands can sleep with other women.  Be honest with her.  If that is in your mind, even in the deepest darkest corner, tell her.  It may not be the big red stop sign you think it is.  You need to paint the picture of how you see it.  Don’t leave out any colors or neither of you will find this as thrilling and exciting as you think it is going into it.

And you better be cool with the situation yourself.  Don’t think just because you get an amazing hardon everytime you think about that you are ready for it.  Because if you ever get to see another man’s dick going into your wife and see her respond to it, she will definitely be a different woman.

 Last point I want to make here, don’t push her.  Take your time and proceed at her pace.  Talk about it, many, many, many, many times.  If it upsets her, back off.   Don’t try to force her along the path you want her to go.  It must be her choice to do it. If she does not say YES right away, then you need to work on discovering what it is she wants to do.  You can have your input, but don’t force your fantasies onto her.

Turning her into a cuckoldress may sometimes be a long, but definitely a rewarding route.

The Profile of a Cuckoldress

So maybe you are at least just the teansy bit  interested in this lifestyle, but just can’t shake the idea that a good and proper woman, or wife, or mother should not act on that curiosity, or even consider it.

So I want to tell you about the women who do consider the thoughts, the daydreams, and the fantasies.  The women who embrace the freedom and act on those thoughts.  

I’ll start with me.

I’m a fairly curvy woman, I was built to pleasure a man. I love to know that he is hot with desire for me and my curvy parts.  I love to see and feel the physical response of  a certain body part only he has and knowing that I was able to do that to him.  Something magical happens inside me when I know that I am the object of a man’s desires.  Even if that desire is never physically realized, it is a HUGE aphrodisiac

I love to be touched and rubbed by my partner, to feel his strong, rough, and yet soft hands on my smooth skin.  My breasts are sensitive, one of my erogenous zones. It tingles when my nipples get hard, the tingling drives me wild, makes me warm, and lustful. Sometimes in the throws of passion, if they aren’t getting enough attention, I’ll rub and stimulate them myself.   I’ve been called a touchy-feely type of girl many times.

I love sex, all parts of sex; the flirting, build-up, and anticipation, the kissing, teasing, and foreplay, the penetration, being filled up, and the building of the orgasm.

How does that sound?  Does that sound too far off a ‘normal’ woman?  Does that sound so different than you?

But wait, that’s not all!!!!!

As much as I would like to say that I am a 24 hour, 7 day a week sex goddess who spends 100% of my time doing and thinking about sexual things, life does interrupt and it must be lived.  I am a regular woman, a wife, a mother, and part of a regular family.

We could be any family that you meet.  We could be your next door neighbors, the family seated next to you at church, or another family on your child’s soccer team.  I could be that new mommy at the playgroup, I could be your best customer at your last Pamperd Chef party, or maybe I started the scrapbook club you so look forward to each month.  We have our jobs, friends, and responsibilites that can’t be neglected just because we want to enjoy our extra sexual fun.

Enough about me, so now what about you?  Think you might fit the profile of a Cuckoldress?

Angela Lewis, PhD, in her book “My Other Self” says yes you do!  Well, okay, maybe not you specifically, but she does say that any ‘normal’ woman could be a cuckoldress.  Her research and observations has led to some conclusions that may surprise many people.

Her full survey results can be seen from the link below, and I’ll list the high points below:

Suvey Results

According to the survey, the definition of a ‘Typical” Cuckoldress:

  • Well-educated
  • White
  • In her thirties
  • In her first marriage and has been in it for at least 11 years
  • Dominant in her relationship, but submissive with her lovers.
  • No preference in race, but does consider penis size when considering lovers
  • Still has sex with her husband.
  • Seperates love from sexual desire.
  • Discrete about her extra-sexual fun

Some of the reasons women gave for choosing this lifestyle:

  • Husband cannot sexually satisfy me
  • I have a high sex drive
  • I had a crush that I wanted to explore
  • My husband worships and adores me and has given me the gift of having all the sex and pleasure that I deserve
  • My husband is an alpha male in his life, but he willingly submits to me sexually and I love to see him lose control
  •  Discovered husband is aroused by this fantasy and I enjoy the power and control

I was surprised by the lack of rules for some couples.  Here are the activitives where most said they have no rules and it depends on the situation:

  • Husband’s allowed participation
  • Condom use – really suprising and scary to me!!!

Finally, most have agreed that cuckolding has strengthened their relationships.

I’m not trying to convince you to live this lifestyle.  It is not for everyone and should not be entered into lightly.  I want you to know that you are not some hussy or something sleazy because these thoughts are in your imagination or because you want to do this.  Don’t let this society or culture tell you want a proper wife should do. 

But if it is fear that is keeping you from doing this, then find ways to manage it.  A little fear is a good thing.  It helps us to pay attention and to consider all the costs and everything that could be changed.  But too much fear is a bad thing.  If it keeps you from being who you want to be, then talk about it with your partner.  Find baby steps that can help you overcome and manage those fears.

You have your own dreams and desires. 

You shouldn’t live in the shadow of your own desires forever. You have to take that chance and make your life reflect who you really are.

Good Luck!!!!

The Cuckold Phenomena

 Dr. Cherry Lee, Ph. D.

(Dr. Lee has lectured and published in the area of analytical psychology, and she developed one of the first electronic systems for the quantitative analysis human behavior.

She started her counseling work by leading gestalt therapy groups. Apart from this, her several decades of professional experience has been largely limited to urban, affluent, female subjects.)

 What Has Spurred the Cuckold Husband/Hotwife Phenomena?

Although motivations for the cuckold husband/hotwife phenomena actually cover a wide spectrum, here we’ll cover a few of the most common.

First, the husband may suspect that his wife is becoming interested in experiencing sex with someone else. He may value the relationship and not want her to jeopardize things because of the deceit and secrecy that normally accompany affairs. In short, he wants to know about and approve any extramarital sex, and even have some control over it. The cuckold husband wants his wife’s sexual encounters with men to be for sex only, with no marriage-threatening emotional entanglements. In this respect it is similar to attitudes about extramarital sex now held by many of the younger people in Japan.

The mass media often cast beautiful and desirable women as both sexy and prone to sexual liaisons. Whereas this type of woman used to be considered a “fallen woman” or even a “whore,” in some minds she now seems to represent an enticing new standard.

Some women used to brag about how they could avoid marital sex, and despite the views of some radical feminists, such women are now suspected as being man-haters, latent lesbians, or simply having personal problems. Now, many women find a certain excitement in being viewed as sexually liberated. For some, especially some older women, there may be a certain ego gratification in still being viewed as being sexually desirable — even discretely promiscuous. While holding to the security of her primary relationship, she may revel in experiencing sexual freedom.

At the same time, most cuckold husbands want their wives to appear ladylike on the surface (in public.). But, among select men, they want they wives to be known as and “not hung up about sex,” or even “great lays.” Although this type of wife was once considered a threat to husbands — and it still is to most — the more psychologically secure males believe that a healthy and well-adjusted (and desirable) woman enjoys sex, and has the right to be just as open about it as men.

Plus, the husbands involved may pride themselves in being secure enough to handle a hotwife. He may even brag to another man about how his wife loves sex and can’t get enough (which, not coincidentally, may be very much in contrast to the attitude of that man’s wife). Implicit in the comment is that the husband has no problem with this, and that, in fact, he thinks his wife is pretty “hot.” In many cases sex within the marriage has waned or grown dull and routine and the husband may get vicarious excitement in seeing (sometimes literally) his wife remain sexually active.

Many women realize that other women regularly enjoy “good sex,” and although many wives have grown ambivalent about sex within their marriages and are reluctant to try new things, these barriers frequently fall with the expectations of new sexual partners. With new men there appears to be unspoken desire to “not disappoint” and “to be good in bed.”

Even though she may have started to have doubts about her sexual desirability, as a hotwife she will probably find that men are again interested in her. For some women this can constitute a kind of new “sexual awakening.”

This transformation can be quite disturbing for a husband who isn’t prepared to handle it. These issues are discussed in much more detail in the next chapter.

In some circles a woman may wear a bold ankle bracelet on her right ankle to tell men “in the know” that she’s a hotwife. (At the same time, most women who wear ankle bracelets do so without realizing the possible significance.) Once seen as a hotwife, she may flirt with select men, making it clear that she’s available for sex.

Women As Sex Objects?

Many women feel that being a hotwife turns a woman into a sex object. This seems to be primarily based on the premise that enjoying sex is a masculine prerogative. However, more and more women are finding that this is not so.

Most women have lived their lives trying to act “like proper women” and shunning men “who have one thing on their minds.” Now, according to one woman, “I let guys know I like sex.”

 Thus, she may soon get beyond, “what other people will think” and concentrate on the pleasures of the sexual experience — in particular, experiencing regular orgasms. This is often bolstered by the excitement that surrounds the culturally taboo aspects of a married women having sex with other men.

Often the Husband’s Idea

All of this notwithstanding, the cuckold husband/hotwife phenomena is typically the idea of the husband who not only knows about the high number of female affairs, but is even sexually excited by visualizing another man having sex with his wife.

According to one husband, “I had to really change my view about how a wife is supposed to be, especially with guys finding out she’s ‘easy.’ But now I can sort of get off on having a woman that guys know is pretty hot. Fact is, instead of being embarrassed or defensive, I now sort of brag about how she loves sex, and then I casually mention that this sure makes her a lot different than most wives.”

According to another husband, “…after a while I got into the idea of encouraging her to let guys give her all the sex she can handle. …She’s settled on several guys she likes and she gets it from at least one of them almost every day. I don’t mind her going off with a guy for a few hours; I don’t feel like I have to take her out — they do that. In fact, I have to admit, I sort of get off on knowing [when she goes out with a guy] that he will soon have her clothes off and be in her. I can kind of get of on visualizing them going at it.”

From her husband’s perspective, if he can rid himself of the “fallen woman baggage” that pervades most of our culture, the fact that she is pursued by men, makes herself available to men, and is frequently bedded by men, introduces a bit of competition for her. This can strengthen the husband’s resolve to “treat her right.”

Or, things can move in the opposite direction, with the husband feeling that, to a degree, she is no longer “his,” and he may find himself emotionally distancing himself from her. If such feelings aren’t effectively addressed and resolved, they may seriously damage the relationship. Things aren’t helped when his change in attitude is accompanied by her (however transient) excitement about new men in her life.

From the husband’s perspective there is sometimes a “taming of the shrew” element. He may fantasize about a powerful (safe) man sexually awakening and dominating her, and forcing her to break free of sexual inhibitions. Some husbands know how exciting a new sexual partner and experience can be, and want to offer some other men this experience with their wives.

A husband may also fantasize about having a wife that is, to a degree, driven by both a physical and a psychological need for sex. Visualizing or seeing first-hand other men meeting this need in her —but only with his permission— may excite him.

The Woman’s Perspective

Women have a different perspective on being a hotwife, of course. According to one woman, “I’ve got a sense of freedom in enjoying the company of men and not being paranoid about a jealous husband, or even being worried about what people will think. If I want to do it with a guy, I have the freedom to let it happen.

At the same time, the hotwife does not want jealousy or resentment to ruin her marriage or threaten the unusual freedom she enjoys, a freedom she knows that very few husbands would be willing to grant. Therefore, she needs to be careful to be totally open and honest to her husband about her lovers. This means that there will be no secret conversations or secret meetings with men. It may also mean that the husband may want to approve of the men she has sex with.

The cuckold husband may want his wife to announce her sexuality by wearing revealing clothes. For example, he may accompany her to a night spot in a distant city and have her dress in ultra-revealing clothes. This can serve to get them both used to the resulting male attention. Rather than being jealous, having a wife that is seen by other men as sexually “hot” may provide him with an ego boost. (Dare we suggest that for some men hot wives are replacing hot cars as a source of pride.) Thus, while the male and female motivations might be quite different in the cuckold husband-hotwife phenomena, the ultimate goal can be the same.

The husband has to adjust to his wife not being sexually exclusive to him. He will have to deal with meeting men who have had or want to have sex with her. To compensate for any suspected loss of his virility, the husband may remind others of his own previous sexual escapades. At the same time to prove his lack of jealousy, he may freely admit to men that his wife regularly enjoys sex with different men, and he may even subtly offer her to select men. According to one man, “I like to set things in motion like that just to see what happens.”

The Quintessential Issue

What may seem desirable for the husband or wife while under the influence of testosterone, libido or fantasy, may later seem like a huge mistake. The result may be regret and marital estrangement.

Clearly, the cuckold husband/hotwife idea is at odds with cultural conditioning and human tendencies toward jealousy and possessiveness. Although these traits may not be desirable, they are the norm and must be recognized. Even assuming that both partners are okay with going in this direction, most of society isn’t. With most people there is still a sigma associated with a promiscuous wife and a husband that lets his wife have extramarital sex. Most people who find out about this will respond negatively toward both partners.

This can be a problem in a work environment where “character” is a part of job performance and promotion considerations. (A common male chauvinistic attitude with roots in the “wife as the husband’s property” notion says that a husband should keep his wife “under control,” and if she has affairs she definitely isn’t “under control.”)

While many couples are able to keep their sexual activities private, they may live with the fear that they may be found out. At the same time, self-employed people who live in large urban areas, or people who work around like-minded individuals probably won’t have this concern.

All this being said, given the ever-increasing number of affairs, and the emerging attitudes about condoned affairs in countries such as Japan, one wonders if somewhere down the road to cultural enlightenment U.S. society won’t be ready to accept open relationships. We seem to be in the early stages of that now.

Although the transition will certainly be bumpy, if we are able to shift our emphasis to love and commitment to hold relationships together, rather than the refutable doctrines about sexual exclusivity which simply cater to jealousies and insecurities, it would not only eliminate much heartache, but it would remove many of the “justifications” for dissolving relationships.

Hotwife Tips

Since the Fuck Buddy tips went so well, how about some hotwife tips.  Add you own:

Sometime talk is not so cheap, especially when trying to convince your man to open up to a cuckold or hotwife relationship.

Ex-talk
While most advice columns caution couples from talking about ex-lovers, for the exceptional woman it is almost mandatory to talk. Women have a particular advantage in all this, since men are obsessed with penis size. It could even be said that Freud’s penis envy afflicts men– not women. Regardless how you really feel about cock size, it is always best to exaggerate your interest. Always keep your husband on his heels. And there are two ways to do this.

The first way: 

Make sure he knows he is not the largest you have been with. Keep things vague, but larger than life. Let him use his imagination. Be coy. If your husband asks about the largest cock you have been with, act like you don’t want to discuss it at first. Tell him that size doesn’t really matter. If he pushes the issue, tell him about a past lover who was huge. If he presses for details, explain he was a few inches larger than the husband, and that sometimes sex was painful.

Over the course of time, you can explain how you have always really liked big cocks. Remind your husband that his is fine for a daily driver, but that sometimes you need a little more. As time progresses, describe another former lover– and how he also had a very large cock. Describe how much you enjoy feeling filled up. You can even explain how while you don’t miss your exlover, you sometimes miss his cock, and that you fantasize about him.

The Second Way:

Exactly the opposite of the first way.  Make your husband know that he is the biggest you have had, but that he is too big.  Tell him how much you love sex and want more of it, but he is so big that it hurts.  Tell him this as you stroke him or suck him.  Tell him how much you love the feel of his BIG (really over emphasize it) cock in your hands and  mouth.  Tell him how wet you get just from thinking about it.  From here, you can talk about having something to help warm you up, maybe even another cock that could help stretch you out first before hubby got to penetrate you.  Since you are keeping him stimulated he will probably try to push the scenerio and ask just what size of cock you need.

You can then tell him about previous lovers who where smaller, but skillful.  Tell him how their cocks could touch just the right spots.  After they get you warmed up, maybe you can take more of your husband’s BIG dick (again add the emphasis).  After that, maybe you can work in another step up in dick size by telling him if that works then maybe you could find a bigger dick.
Celebs
Pick a type— black, latino, older, muscular… you decide. When you see someone who is your type on TV, make comments how hot he is. If you like blacks, every time you watch a program with your husband, comment how sexy your favorite black star is. Tell your husband how you would not hesitate to fuck him and that you would let him have his way with you. Tease your man by asking him if he thinks the celeb is hot. If he says yes, ask if he wants to be fucked by him. If he says no, tell him he is lying.

You can also do this for movies.  When you see a movie that has an actor you find attractive, make that movie the focus of a date night.  You could even tell him how much you would enjoy watching this actor in that movie, and you would enjoy it enough that you could give hubby something special after the show.  You can still tease him, asking him if he thinks the actor is hot.

Coworkers and friends

Tell you husband about a man you know who is hot. Everytime his name comes up, remind your husband how hot he is. Build it up into a crush. Describe the attention you receive from the man, what you were wearing at the time, and so on. Sound obsessive about your interest in him. If the other man is single, be particularly flirtatious, and describe your flirtations in great detail to your husband. Describe how you want to be alone with him and how you wouldn’t hesitate to fuck him if the circumstances allowed.

You can do this with strangers too.  Just pick out some random strangers while you are out and snap some pictures with your cell phone.  You can send them to your hubby with a sexy note.  Or you can save them for later and tell him in your most excited tone about someone you saw today.  Tell him how you normally don’t react this way, but something about this guy just got you going and you couldn’t stop thinking about him and just taking him to some motel for a quickie.

Fantasy talk
In bed, ask your husband what he fantasizes about. It is guaranteed to prompt him to ask you the same question. Go into excruciating detail. For example, if you are into interracial fantasies, tell him how you fantasize about being with two or three black men, who completely have their way with you. Or tell him a fantasy involving someone he already knows, and portray a very realistic fantasy. For example, you are not feeling well, so you stay home from work. A coworker stops by to have you sign some papers. You answer the door in your night clothes. As you invite him in, you find him staring at you, and things develop from there.

Hotwife talk
Tell your husband you fantasize about dating other men– just for the sex and the thrill.  The thrill of that first date and all the nervousness that comes with it, while you know that your big, strong, security net is waiting at home if something goes wrong.   Ask how he feels about it. Tell him you would tell him everything that happened, but that you want to meet one on one with another man. If he doesn’t go for that, explain how he could watch, but not participate. Ask him frequently if he would be comfortable watching a cock sliding in and out of you.

Night Out With the Girls
This is particularly effective if you have single friends. Take a night out with your girlfriends, at least once monthly. Have a few drinks and use the alcohol as an excuse for your flirtations, if you need an excuse. Return home with tales of other men flirting with you, buying drinks, more cell phone pictures, etc. Exaggerate if you must— or better yet, return with a phone number…. or another man.

Just enjoy it and don’t give up!!!

You shouldn’t live in the shadow of your own desires forever. You have to take that chance and make your life reflect who you really are.