A cuckolding and strong woman to share her adventures and advice. I like to share :).

Posts tagged ‘swingers’

Virtues of Infidelity

I seem to be on a pattern about monogamy.  I found this to be interesting and it will certainly open some more conversations with my husband and I.  I don’t see us embracing this life, we seem to be happy where we are.

 Source:  http://www.underpaidgenius.com/post/7188935176

 

Mark Oppenheimer explores monogamy with Dan Savage, the well-known sex-advice columnist:

Mark Oppenheimer via

Savage’s position on monogamy is frequently caricatured. He does not believe in promiscuity; indeed, his attacks on the anonymous-sex, gay-bathhouse culture were once taken as proof of a secret conservative agenda. And he does not believe that monogamy is wrong for all couples or even for most couples. Rather, he says that a more realistic sexual ethic would prize honesty, a little flexibility and, when necessary, forgiveness over absolute monogamy. And he believes nostalgically, like any good conservative, that we might look to the past for some clues.

“The mistake that straight people made,” Savage told me, “was imposing the monogamous expectation on men. Men were never expected to be monogamous. Men had concubines, mistresses and access to prostitutes, until everybody decided marriage had to be egalitarian and fairsey.” In the feminist revolution, rather than extending to women “the same latitude and license and pressure-release valve that men had always enjoyed,” we extended to men the confines women had always endured. “And it’s been a disaster for marriage.”

In their own marriage, Savage and Miller practice being what he calls “monogamish,” allowing occasional infidelities, which they are honest about. Miller was initially opposed to the idea. “You assume as a younger person that all relationships are monogamous and between two people, that love means nothing can come between you,” said Miller, who met Savage at a club in 1995, when he was 23 and Savage was 30. “Dan has taught me to be more realistic about that kind of stuff.

“It was four or five years before it came up,” Miller said. “It’s not about having three-ways with somebody or having an open relationship. It is just sort of like, Dan has always said if you have different tastes, you have to be good, giving and game, and if you are not G.G.G. for those tastes, then you have to give your partner the out. It took me a while to get down with that.” When I asked Savage how many extramarital encounters there have been, he laughed shyly. “Double digits?” I asked. He said he wasn’t sure; later he and Miller counted, and he reported back that the number was nine. “And far from it being a destabilizing force in our relationship, it’s been a stabilizing force. It may be why we’re still together.”

While his marriage opened up gradually, Savage says that “there’s not a one-size-fits-all way” to approach nonmonogamy, especially if both partners committed to monogamy at the start. “Folks on the verge of making those monogamous commitments,” Savage told me in one of our many e-mail exchanges, “need to look at the wreckage around them — all those failed monogamous relationships out there (Schwarzenegger, Clinton, Vitter, whoever’s on the cover of US magazine this week) — and have a conversation about what it’ll mean if one or the other partner should cheat. And agree, at the very least, to getting through it, to place a higher value on the relationship itself than on one component of it, sexual exclusivity.”

[…]

It was not until the 20th century that Americans evolved an understanding of marriage in which partners must meet all of each other’s needs: sexual, emotional, material. When we rely on our partners for everything, any hint of betrayal is terrifying. “That is the bind we are in,” Coontz said. “We accord so much priority to the couple relationship. It is tough under those conditions for most people to live with the insecurity of giving their partners permission to have flings.”

From an anthropological perspective, modern monogamous marriage is an artifact of the industrial revolution, and the modern nation state. The emergence of the 20th century nuclear family, deeply integrated into a mythos of romantic love-based marriage, is strangely tied to religious morality, even for those that are secular. 

A society based on home-owning, hard-working, go-to-church-on-sundays families living tight-knot village-sized communities has a nostalgic appeal, even if it wasn’t really true, even back in the day.

Post-industrial society will be based on older, and not just different norms. A return to tribal forms of authority and power, for example, and enigmatic, not dogmatic, spirituality. We will accept sexual desire and expression, instead of sex being considered legitimate only within the confines of officially-sanctioned heterosexual, monogamous love.

This moral shift will take decades to cascade into everyday life, but the acceptance of homosexuals and lesbians into Western culture, as well as growing acceptance of open sexuality will lead to a broader spectrum of stable relationships, ranging from monogamous, to monogamish, to polygamous, to polyamorous.

Hotwife Tips

Since the Fuck Buddy tips went so well, how about some hotwife tips.  Add you own:

Sometime talk is not so cheap, especially when trying to convince your man to open up to a cuckold or hotwife relationship.

Ex-talk
While most advice columns caution couples from talking about ex-lovers, for the exceptional woman it is almost mandatory to talk. Women have a particular advantage in all this, since men are obsessed with penis size. It could even be said that Freud’s penis envy afflicts men– not women. Regardless how you really feel about cock size, it is always best to exaggerate your interest. Always keep your husband on his heels. And there are two ways to do this.

The first way: 

Make sure he knows he is not the largest you have been with. Keep things vague, but larger than life. Let him use his imagination. Be coy. If your husband asks about the largest cock you have been with, act like you don’t want to discuss it at first. Tell him that size doesn’t really matter. If he pushes the issue, tell him about a past lover who was huge. If he presses for details, explain he was a few inches larger than the husband, and that sometimes sex was painful.

Over the course of time, you can explain how you have always really liked big cocks. Remind your husband that his is fine for a daily driver, but that sometimes you need a little more. As time progresses, describe another former lover– and how he also had a very large cock. Describe how much you enjoy feeling filled up. You can even explain how while you don’t miss your exlover, you sometimes miss his cock, and that you fantasize about him.

The Second Way:

Exactly the opposite of the first way.  Make your husband know that he is the biggest you have had, but that he is too big.  Tell him how much you love sex and want more of it, but he is so big that it hurts.  Tell him this as you stroke him or suck him.  Tell him how much you love the feel of his BIG (really over emphasize it) cock in your hands and  mouth.  Tell him how wet you get just from thinking about it.  From here, you can talk about having something to help warm you up, maybe even another cock that could help stretch you out first before hubby got to penetrate you.  Since you are keeping him stimulated he will probably try to push the scenerio and ask just what size of cock you need.

You can then tell him about previous lovers who where smaller, but skillful.  Tell him how their cocks could touch just the right spots.  After they get you warmed up, maybe you can take more of your husband’s BIG dick (again add the emphasis).  After that, maybe you can work in another step up in dick size by telling him if that works then maybe you could find a bigger dick.
Celebs
Pick a type— black, latino, older, muscular… you decide. When you see someone who is your type on TV, make comments how hot he is. If you like blacks, every time you watch a program with your husband, comment how sexy your favorite black star is. Tell your husband how you would not hesitate to fuck him and that you would let him have his way with you. Tease your man by asking him if he thinks the celeb is hot. If he says yes, ask if he wants to be fucked by him. If he says no, tell him he is lying.

You can also do this for movies.  When you see a movie that has an actor you find attractive, make that movie the focus of a date night.  You could even tell him how much you would enjoy watching this actor in that movie, and you would enjoy it enough that you could give hubby something special after the show.  You can still tease him, asking him if he thinks the actor is hot.

Coworkers and friends

Tell you husband about a man you know who is hot. Everytime his name comes up, remind your husband how hot he is. Build it up into a crush. Describe the attention you receive from the man, what you were wearing at the time, and so on. Sound obsessive about your interest in him. If the other man is single, be particularly flirtatious, and describe your flirtations in great detail to your husband. Describe how you want to be alone with him and how you wouldn’t hesitate to fuck him if the circumstances allowed.

You can do this with strangers too.  Just pick out some random strangers while you are out and snap some pictures with your cell phone.  You can send them to your hubby with a sexy note.  Or you can save them for later and tell him in your most excited tone about someone you saw today.  Tell him how you normally don’t react this way, but something about this guy just got you going and you couldn’t stop thinking about him and just taking him to some motel for a quickie.

Fantasy talk
In bed, ask your husband what he fantasizes about. It is guaranteed to prompt him to ask you the same question. Go into excruciating detail. For example, if you are into interracial fantasies, tell him how you fantasize about being with two or three black men, who completely have their way with you. Or tell him a fantasy involving someone he already knows, and portray a very realistic fantasy. For example, you are not feeling well, so you stay home from work. A coworker stops by to have you sign some papers. You answer the door in your night clothes. As you invite him in, you find him staring at you, and things develop from there.

Hotwife talk
Tell your husband you fantasize about dating other men– just for the sex and the thrill.  The thrill of that first date and all the nervousness that comes with it, while you know that your big, strong, security net is waiting at home if something goes wrong.   Ask how he feels about it. Tell him you would tell him everything that happened, but that you want to meet one on one with another man. If he doesn’t go for that, explain how he could watch, but not participate. Ask him frequently if he would be comfortable watching a cock sliding in and out of you.

Night Out With the Girls
This is particularly effective if you have single friends. Take a night out with your girlfriends, at least once monthly. Have a few drinks and use the alcohol as an excuse for your flirtations, if you need an excuse. Return home with tales of other men flirting with you, buying drinks, more cell phone pictures, etc. Exaggerate if you must— or better yet, return with a phone number…. or another man.

Just enjoy it and don’t give up!!!

You shouldn’t live in the shadow of your own desires forever. You have to take that chance and make your life reflect who you really are.

Fuck Buddy Date Tips

Add your own in the comments:

  1. Include a Fuck Buddy that you both enjoy talking to.
  2. Get creative
  3. Plan non-sexual portions of the date.  That is don’t make the whole date about sex
  4. Plan 2-3 simple stops that are easy and can break up an uncomfortable mood.
  5. Keep the stops simple, so the focus stays on her and does not overwhelm the senses.
  6. Throw in some sensual stops along the way to keep the mood hightened.  These can include some teasing or erotic play during the date for all three of you.  The key is to keep her in the middle.
  7. Plan a last stop where things can get sexual, but stay safe and legal.
  8. Have a safe word so that if things ever get to a point where the lady is uncomfortable, it ends.  This is all for her afterall.
  9. She leads the way once things get sexual.  At least she calls the shots and if she wants one of the guys to take the lead then she will say or let you know in someway.
  10. Have an plan for when the fuck buddy leaves so that your wife doesn’t feel like she was just another notch on his bedpost.

Where’s the fun?

A great place to meet others to include in your sexual playtime is in the Swinger Community.  Why you ask??

It is all really simple. Swingers just have more fun! Yes many have wild kinky sex with other people. But most come out to enjoy the ADULT fun that is lacking in the every day world.   These are not some strange wierdos that you would avoid.  The are your neighbors, co-workers, other PTA parents, other playgroup parents, Democrats, Republicans…they are regular everyday people who want to have some fun.  You can be yourself and dress how you like, even say what you please, while being sexy all at once.

 You can talk about your hidden desire to run along the beach naked to people who understand. You can flaunt your hidden tattoo that the folks at the office don’t have a clue about.  You can engage in that ultimate fantasy with others who will cheer you along and not hold you back.  Swingers are all about being who they really are in the comfortably of others who think like them.  No judgement of what you like, what turns you on, what clothes you wear, what car you drive, or how much money you make.

 Does sex with strangers happen at a swingers party? Yes! But do you have to have sex with a stranger? NO! Truth be told most folks who go to a swingers party do not have sex with others or get naked or even flash a boobie. They go to enjoy the freedom and the atmosphere that Swingers offer. But I can tell you who does have wild sex like a frat house, couples after they return from a swingers party! They get caught up in the energy, excitement, and fun of others.  It is contagious and causes them to rediscover talking and the importance of attraction all over again.  They begin to see their partner as a sexual being again and not just the father or mother of their children.

You can read wildly written stories about Swingers and even find some so called Swingers Videos.

 But truth be told, you will really never learn anything about Swingers, the Lifestyle or what it’s all about till you attend a Swingers Event.  It will not come to you on this screen, it will not knock on your door, it is not for sale at WalMart. You have to experience a true, real life Swingers Event to see if it is for you.

 

Thanks to JPJustParties for the inspiration.

The Tied-Up Swing

My mind was whirling with possibilities after our last visit to this swing club.  I decided to put this plan into action without telling my husband.  It’s not like he would have been upset or anything, I just wanted it to be a surprise for him.

We arrived at the club and got settled.  I wore a button-up, sleeveless blouse with a long flowing skirt. This was not my usual club wear, but it was perfect for tonight.  What my husband wore is not important as you will find out.  We connected with some of the regulars and tried to make some of the newcomers comfortable.  After a few hours, the foreplay, music, and drinks were doing their thing to get everyone in the mood for some fun and I decided to go for it.  I grabbed my husband’s hand and led him to the far side of the room, to the wall with the chains and shackles attached to it.

We started making out with tongues and hands going everywhere.  He tried to undress me, tugging at each piece of clothing, but that was not part of my plan.  Getting him out of his clothes was however.  That is what I did.  Once I had him naked, I pinned him against the wall and restrained him there with the shackles around his wrists.  I kept kissing and rubbing my hands all over his body.  I wrapped my hand around his dick and took half a step back to get his attention.

I began to lay out the rules for the night.  We can have all the fun we want, but others can only play with whatever skin is exposed.  If any clothing covers it, then it is off limits.  He smiled as I told him that it looks like he is fair game for everyone since he has nothing to cover up and since his hands were tied-up, he could not resist either.  He seemed fine with that and agreed to the rules.  I told him that we should seal the deal with a kiss and began to kiss his cock and give him a toe-curling blowjob.

After a few moments alone, another couple, John and Kim, decided to check on us.  They were already naked and commented about the unfairness of the scene since I was still dressed.  So I informed them of the rules and we shared a good laugh.  Then Kim, took the initiative and enjoyed some play time with my tied to the wall guy.  I was still on my knees in front of my husband and she knelt beside me.  John pouted and said something about all of his playthings were covered up and pointed to me.

I told him to enjoy his woman as she was enjoying my man.  He moved closer, but surprised me by grabbing my hand and placing it on his dick.  He made some comment about exposed skin and since my arms were the only thing uncovered on me, he had me (not that I really tried to find a way out either).  So I stroked and sucked his dick and balls while his wife did the same to my husband.  After a few minutes, his wife noticed what I was doing and came to join me.  So her man was getting double-teamed and mine was left to watch.

I was loving it.

As we played with her man, I unbuttoned some of my blouse; just enough to barely uncover one of my tits but not enough to unleash them both.  My partner in fun saw the newly uncovered skin and left me alone with her man’s cock as she gave me a little attention.  I enjoyed her efforts enough that I unbuttoned the rest of my blouse and flipped it away, completely exposing my bare chest to her.  She took advantage of it and of me.  She knew how to take my breath away in ways no one had done before or has done since just by playing with my tits.  I tried to repay all her efforts by working harder on her man, but I think I got the better of the exchange.

When she returned, I let her take over the oral pleasures of her man.  I gave her body some quick tease feel over as I moved over to my guy who looked like he was aching for some attention.  So I gave him a quick tug and pull along with some licks and sucks.  Then, using his stiff dick for leverage, I pulled myself up, off my knees, and stood face to face with him.  I pressed my bare chest against him as I kissed his lips and let my hands roam all over his body.  As fun as it is to have my husband restrained, it takes some of the fun out of making out with him when I can’t feel his hands all over me too.

But just as I was wishing for his hands to ravish me, I felt a touch.

I had forgotten about the other couple and jumped a little at the touch giving everyone a giggle.  I looked to see who it was and I saw her with one hand on me and one hand on my husband, but then I felt two more hands and knew John was standing behind me.  I went back to kissing my man and push back to allow the three hands on me more room to roam.  I felt a hand battle over my tits as our companion couple fought for that touch.  John gave into his woman’s desire and moved his hands down to my hips.  He pulled my hips against him and I felt his hard cock press against my skirt covered ass.  I moved my hips to the music the DJ was playing, grinding my ass harder against his dick.

John tried to get more daring with his hands.  He tried to work a finger and then two underneath the elastic of my skirt.  I pulled them out quickly.  He then tried to just pull my skirt down and since it was one of those very loose, free flowing skirts with only an elastic waist holding it in place, he was easily able to pull it down some.  But again, I stopped him and made some comment about following the rules or he won’t be allowed to play the game.  His wife smiled and slapped his hands away for me this time.  This teasing and the light caressing touch of his wife was working me up pretty good and making me want more.

I started to bend over at the waist, pressing my hips harder against my friend behind me and sliding my feet back, forcing him to take a few steps back.  When Kim figured out what I was doing, she placed one hand on the back of my head and helped push me down.  With her other hand, she grabbed my husband’s dick and held it in place for me.  I dragged my nails down my husband’s chest as I slowly bent over and felt him tense up and take short quick breaths as my nails scratched at his skin.  With my hands still over my head and resting on my husband’s stomach, I worked my mouth over his dick.  He was sensitive enough that I did not have to take much of him in my mouth to get a big response from him.

He stood on his toes trying to push more of his dick past my lips, but my partner in fun kept her tight grip on his cock and even told him to slow down.  She knew just what I was thinking.  I slowly worked down his shaft until my lips hit her hand and then went back up.  It was a little awkward working his cock with someone else’s hand there, but I soon found a rhythm and my husband told me later how erotic it was knowing it was my mouth and her hand.  I had some idea of what he meant, because it was erotic to me knowing that I was sucking my husband, rubbing against another man’s cock, and feeling his wife’s hand gently caress my back, run her fingers through my hair, and grope my free hanging tits.  All the extra touches were adding to fun.

I continued to wiggle my hips, grinding my bum against our John’s cock.  Playfully, I reached back and pulled the hem of my skirt up slowly.  He stroked my freshly exposed legs and He backed up a bit to give me room to raise my skirt all the way, but I wasn’t ready for that yet.  So with my other hand, I reach between my legs, grabbed his balls, and pulled him back against me.  Of course, while repositioning my hands, I had to stop sucking on my husband’s dick, but luckily Kim was there and she took over.  I had a good up-close view of her mouth engulfing my man’s shaft.

All this teasing and lust was getting to me and I was in need of something, so I released John’s balls and did a quick rub between my legs.  I was surprised how wet I was and at the shivers that went through my body from such a simple touch.  I caught myself before I got too involved in my self-pleasuring, but it did make me realize just how much I want John’s cock, or any cock for that matter, and since he was the closest one available, he was the winner.  I flipped my skirt up, giving John a clear path to where I wanted him and he made the most of the opportunity.  I put my hands on my husband’s hips to brace me for what was cumming.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath when I felt the head of John’s dick easily slide inside.  It was soon followed by his full length and it felt so good to be completely filled.  I must have been louder than I thought I was because when I opened my eyes, Kim was looking up at me.  She still had my husband’s cock in her mouth, but she still managed to smile at me knowing what I was feeling.  She even reached back and gave my tits a couple of good squeezes before turning her attention to my man’s dick.   I used one hand to hold her hair out of her way and to encourage her to go faster and take his dick deeper into her mouth.

We stayed like this for a while before Kim moved out of the way.  Seeing my husband’s glistening dick now free, I pounced on it.  Though I was stuck in the middle, there is something empowering for me to have a dick at both ends.  Knowing I control the pleasure of two men at one time.  I can choose to stop at anytime and be just fine, but knowing these two dicks want my body and want me to pleasure them is intoxicating and addictive.  It also drives me to want to do anything I can to make them cum.

I think Kim was ready for them to cum too, or at least for John to cum.  I heard her begin some intense dirty talk to her husband.  She started by telling him how good he looked and how sexy his cock looked sliding in and out.  I felt John’s hands firmly holding my hips and another hand, I’m guessing Kim’s, rub my ass and even spread them apart for a few seconds.  She then told him how bad she wanted him to cum and to cum on her tits.  After a few more encouraging words, John pulled out of me.  I whimpered when I felt his dick leave, but quickly decided to replace it with my husband’s.

I turned around and bent over in front of my man.  I reached through my legs and guided his cock inside of me.  I looked up to see Kim kneeling in front of John.  John had his knees bent and was stroking his shaft with it pointed at his wife’s chest.  I found my own rhythm since my husband’s hands were tied up and was surprised at how good it was feeling.  This is not my favorite position when it comes to my own orgasm, but I think the buildup of the night, combined with watching the lust of John and Kim was driving me to the edge.

Hearing John groan and seeing his body tense up, I knew what was next.  The simple idea of seeing a man ejaculate is not much of a turn-on for me, but tonight it looked was very erotic.  I think my husband agreed.  Not long after John’s orgasm, my husband hit his limit and his moans let me know.  I bucked harder and faster wanting to milk his dick for everything it had, but also to bring on my own orgasm; and it worked.  My body was now shuttering and shivering as the waves of pleasure came crashing down, flooding every inch of me.

As I came down from the euphoric high of the orgasm, I separated from my husband and tried to stand up.  My legs were weak and wobbly with my back stiff from being bent over for so long.  I was met with some hoots and cheers from the audience we had gained during our little show.  Some of the audience was putting on their own encore show and I smiled knowing I had turned-on, motivated, and encouraged them to do it.  My ego and confidence went up some that night.

I did some quick clean-up with my skirt and found my blouse.  I was in no hurry to release my husband.  Part of the thrill of the night for me was being in control and keeping him in such an exposed state after his orgasm was telling him that I was still in control.  I finished getting dressed, gave some playful high-fives to some of the other ladies around, and finally released my husband.  He got his own pats on the back as we got some more drinks and settled down on the sofa to catch our breath.

We stayed and watched some more fun, but did not join any more action that night at the club. We went back to our hotel room and talked about what we could do next.  But for the next few hours, it was just us and that was just as fun as what we had done at the club.

But oh the doors this night opens and I am ready to march through them!