A cuckolding and strong woman to share her adventures and advice. I like to share :).

Posts tagged ‘swinging’

Creating an Enjoyable Cuckolding Experience

 Enjoying the Cuckolding ExperienceObviously, there are many different wives and couples who dine from this buffet of sexual preferences the world has to offer, so this post will not apply to everyone, but anyone may be able to take small pieces and use them. 

The dynamics in a cuckolding relationship can be intense, thrilling, and intimidating for everyone involved.  That range is what makes it so exciting, but it also is what makes it so scary.  We often times find it challenging to balance a relationship that has two people in it, so it is natural to cringe at the thought of adding a third (or fourth, or fifth, or sixth…) to the mix.  Or maybe we push back at the idea of getting close enough to the third person to think of them as being in the relationship or we keep the details of our affairs off limits to our husbands.  But that doesn’t need to be the case.

To make the cuckolding experience an enjoyable one for everyone involved and to keep the lifestyle fresh and going, everyone needs to get the maximum benefit from it.  That may seem obvious, but if it is not considered, you may be missing out on the full enjoyment of the lifestyle.

So you may be asking what the maximum benefit is for each person in this lifestyle.  Well, that’s a good question and the details will be different for each, but in general terms it means that the couple and the boyfriend(s) practice cuckolding together.  That is, you practice it as a threesome.  Now don’t freak out if the idea of being with two men at the same time is not your thing.  That is not exactly what I’m suggesting (but if you are open to it, MFM fun can be its own thrill 🙂 ).  But here, what I mean by threesome is three equal parts; hubby, wife, and boyfriend.

First, as the wife, if you are mainly hooking-up with various men at random times or places or if you have a regular boyfriend, but keep him away from your husband and your home, then you are missing out on some of the best experiences of the cuckolding lifestyle.  A steady boyfriend, or group of steady boyfriends, can be create much more rewarding experiences.  Don’t fear intimacy with your boyfriend, it is healthy, natural, and adds to the experience for everyone involved.

Sure it can be scary and intimidating for a couple to bring a steady relationship with another man into their lifestyle, but in reality, it is less risky physically.  If the concern is the emotional risk, then couples really shouldn’t even be thinking about this.  This is not polyamory we are talking about here, where the wife loves multiple partners.  Not to offend anyone, but I do not see how that relationship works.  In my experience, women cannot truly love more than one man.  This threesome setup I describe would be like adding a Friend with Benefit to the couple.  This FWB is available physically for the wife, but the emotional support comes from the husband.

Second, if you never involve your husband directly in your dates or sexual encounters, you are keeping him from experiencing some of the most intense feelings and parts of being your cuck.  Part of the sexual gratification your husband receives from being your cuck is mental and emotional.  The mental torture of the images that are burned into his mind from seeing with his own eyes the lust in your enjoyment of your boyfriend.  The emotional knots in his stomach watching his wife willingly submit to her boyfriend and enjoy her lover’s body like she once enjoyed her husband’s.  The anxiety and worry from seeing how much his wife can enjoy sex without him and what it means for him.  As strange as it sounds, this ‘anguish’ is a HUGE aphrodisiac for a cuck.  He has found a way of turning what would otherwise be debilitating jealously in others into an amazing and addictive stimulant.  It works much the same when you are away from him for the night and return with tales of your encounters, but the intensity increases hundred times over when he sees it with his own eyes.

And you may find that you enjoy the thrill of him watching more than you ever thought.  The thrills of seeing his erection grow with each act.  His lust growing to a point where his body aches for touch, any touch, and it forces him to masturbate looking for any release as he watches you squirm in ecstasy with your boyfriend.

But what if you or your boyfriend is not comfortable with your husband being around?  Well, go slow.  

He will need to be convinced that your husband is fine with the arrangement, that your husband won’t go postal on him when he watches you with your boyfriend, and that there are no ulterior motives at play here (i.e. no bi-sexual switches in the heat of passion).  Your boyfriend needs to be shown the submissive role your husband has taken in your new relationship.  Here are some ways you can start it off and slowly warm him up to the idea:

1)      Have your boyfriend pick you up at your house while your husband is there.  Introduce the two of them and be sure to use their ‘titles’ of husband and boyfriend (or you could call him your date if you need to go extra slow).  Give your boyfriend a passionate kiss with your husband watching and cuddle up close to him.  Your boyfriend will see your husband simply stand there and watch you two.  Before you leave, give your husband a goodbye kiss, but just a quick peck, make sure there is a big distinction between the two kisses to reinforce your husband’s role.  As you walk to the car, tell your boyfriend how hot and sexy it was to kiss him like that in front of your husband.  He may not get the message immediately, but you should show him enough to know that kissing him in front of your husband gets you hot and wet.

2)      During the dates, if the discussion ever turns to you being married or mentions your husband at all, don’t shy away from it.  Don’t be afraid to discuss your husband and his reactions to your dating.  Even share any details about how excited your husband gets the closer it comes to your date night and how he helps you get ready (picking out clothes, helping you choose sexy lingerie…).  Share the fantasies you and your husband have discussed and how you two have gotten to this point in your relationship.  Don’t use him like a therapist, but the more you can stimulate his mind with information, the more his imagination will be intrigued by it.

3)      Before your next date, have your husband make contact with your boyfriend to get his input about what he would like for you to wear.  It doesn’t need to be very specific and it could be as simple as asking what type of lingerie or panties does your boyfriend want you to wear.

4)      Have the dinner portion of the date at your house.  Your husband can be involved as much as you want and it even helps show his submissive role when you give him little tasks to do.  They don’t have to be big or humiliating tasks, they could be simple ones like greeting your boyfriend at the door, fixing the drinks for everyone, cleaning up the table.  After dinner, have some fun ‘social’ time together with you next to your boyfriend flirting, teasing, and even doing some foreplay fun with him with your husband watching.  Before you go out for the night, give your husband some task to do.  Again, it doesn’t need to be humiliating or overly dominant, but something as simple as saying “I hope that kitchen is clean when I get back home.”  It could be given with a light-hearted tone or laugh.

5)      Call your husband during your date and give him a teasing description of what is going on or what is about to happen.  Be sure your boyfriend is listening.  Before the call you could even ask your boyfriend for suggestions about what to tell your husband or deliberately create a situation to tell your husband about (i.e. your hand is rubbing your boyfriend’s dick under the table, or your boyfriend has his hand under your skirt while you are sitting at a bar).  To push the limits, you can call your husband from your boyfriend’s place, leaving the phone open for your husband to hear the sounds of sexual arousal and then hang-up just when things are getting hot and heavy.

Eventually this will all lead to some heavy petting and kissing at your home, then on to some fun in the bedroom and you may never leave the house.  Don’t get me wrong, we women love to be wined and dined, but sometimes we just want to be fucked.  During the first few of these make out sessions, your husband can watch and you can emphasize his submissive role by having him tied to a chair, watch the two of you while he is naked, or have him be your butler and undress you for your boyfriend.  When you retreat to the bedroom boldly state that your husband is to stay out of the bedroom unless you two call for him.

All of this may seem like such a challenge to most women and not worth the trouble.  But think of it as a game and once you win this game, it will become second nature to you and your boyfriend.  He will begin to take the initiative (and be very encouraging of him when he does as any negative criticism will likely make him regress) and you will be surprise just how playful he can be in your home or around your husband.  Your make out sessions on the couch will go further faster and you’ll find that your boyfriend is even embracing the relationship and coming up with things for your husband to do to help you two out in your passion play.

You’ll also find that your husband is having harder orgasms when you do let him cum.  All of this teasing and torment will cause a buildup in him like he has never felt.  And the more buildup there is, the more submissive he becomes.

Good Luck To All!!!!  Enjoy making this cuckold experience and enjoyable one for all!

The Intellectual Sex Fetish

originally posted here :  http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2010/07/29/cuckolding-the-sex-fetish-for-intellectuals.html?fb_ref=article&fb_source=home_oneline 

 

The Intellectual Sex Fetish

It’s S&M for Ph.D.s: Cuckolding, in which men watch their wives have sex with other guys, is catching on among people with high IQs who revel in the psychological agony.

<:time property=”dc:created” datetime=”2010-07-29T22:44:28.000Z” pubdate=”pubdate”>Jul 29, 2010 6:44 PM EDT

When he hears his wife moan with pleasure while she has sex with another man, Paul Pines feels bad—then good. When Paul’s wife tells him that the other man is much better at sex than he ever was, Paul feels worse—then better. But of course he does: He arranged this encounter, in which he watches in agony as his wife makes love to another guy. And almost as soon as it’s over, he’ll start planning the next one.

Cuckoldry is defined as a wife’s infidelity. Chaucer and Shakespeare characterized it as the ultimate shame. So perhaps it’s no surprise that today it’s developed into a fairly popular fetish. The Internet is rife with husbands enthusiastically soliciting other men—often larger, hotter, sexier men than themselves—to have sex with their wives while they watch.

“The high point of cuckolding is when your wife says she wants the other guy all the time and never wants you.”

This isn’t like swinging, and it’s not a threesome. Cuckolded men (aka “cucks”) only observe their wives’ infidelities, they don’t participate. And that’s why they find it a turn-on: They’re left out, looking on as the woman they love climaxes with a better man than them. It’s a form of psychological sadomasochism. Some people get turned on by whips, chains, and physical pain. Cucks get aroused by mental anguish.

Cuckolding is rapidly emerging as the alt-sex fetish of choice for American intellectuals. Just check out the online forums like OurHotWives.org/forum, where letter-perfect postings celebrate cuckoldry as a cerebral pursuit, transcending ordinary voyeurism and S&M as a dangerous game involving jealousy, misery, gratitude, shame, sharing, sublimation, lust, and trust.

Once a month, Drs. Paul and Sally Pines, a pair of New York City-area Ph.D.s who have been married 25 years, check into a hotel suite with another man. As Paul looks on, Sally and the man snuggle up together on the couch like lovebirds. Soon their clothes are off, and before long, she’s wailing in ecstasy as the man has aggressive, passionate sex with her. Paul, helpless, can only watch and suffer. Afterward, Paul serves lunch to his wife and the man in the suite’s dining area; they eat in the nude before launching into another long, loud, sweaty session.

For Paul, this sort of suffering feels like heaven.

“Imagine looking at the guy who’s about to go to bed with your wife. Imagine hearing the man crying out in bed with your wife,” says Paul, who pleasures himself “like a madman” during these encounters. “The high point of cuckolding is when your wife says she wants the other guy all the time and never wants you. Sally’s body makes it very clear that this is true. It hurts me worse to know this, so it’s better to know.” Worst/best of all is watching Sally bond with the other man not only physically but emotionally—when, as Paul puts it, she’s “masturbating him with her mind.”

This emotional bond that women form with the third party is a topic of excited discussion on cuckolding forums. One member of OurHotWives.org/forum admits being “more afraid of Susan going for a walk to the ice-cream store with a lover then [ sic] her having three different men in a week.”

“If he just fucks her and goes home, that’s one thing,” Paul says. “But if they fuck for an hour, then have an intellectual relationship where they sit and talk for two hours afterward, it hurts a lot more.”

In this respect, cuckolding attracts “the very highly educated,” Paul says, adding that it’s “truly intellectual in its enterprise because it replaces sexual touch with humiliation and emotional pain, both of which are psychological. Most of what gives me physical pleasure has to go on in my brain. I’m totally being classist, but this isn’t like people in redneck bars asking each other, ‘You wanna fuck my wife?’ It’s much more complex. It’s pleasure on a different level.”

When, after years of pleading, he finally convinced Sally, whom he describes as “dignified and proper,” to cuckold him, Paul posted a notice at AdultFriendFinder.com that began: “Seeking an intelligent man to be my wife’s lover.” He picked the four smartest candidates. That was 12  years ago. Watching Sally having sex with another man, “I realize how bad I am at it. And this is really hard for me to say”—at this point, his voice cracks—”but I get off on it.”

Although he doesn’t know precisely why he’s wired this way—”I’ve told all my therapists I’m happy to talk with them about this as long as they promise they won’t try to cure me”—Paul remembers walking in on his parents once when he was too young to realize what they were doing in bed.

“They said, ‘Get out!’ And I knew it was something very exciting, and that when it’s going on, Paul belongs outside—that my place should always be outside of it, which is a really cool place to be.”

For other cuckolds, pain isn’t the point. Some are closeted husbands who want to see naked men, whether they admit it or not. Others like the idea of their wives attracting other guys.

“Competition gets them hard,” says sex therapist Susan Block, who operates a phone-therapy program especially for cuckolds to fine-tune their fantasies and strategies. “There are so many forms of substitute competition among men in our society, such as sports, that take the place of the real competition inside a woman’s body,” in which rival males’ sperm engage in “wars” to fertilize her eggs.

“Winning isn’t even that important. What’s important for a man in terms of his arousal is the competition. If you’re a married man, you might love your wife, but you won’t get as strong an erection for her or have as strong an ejaculation if your testicles know that this woman is yours alone. Nature is conservative, so your testicles won’t work any harder than they know they have to. But if your wife has been away at a conference and there’s a chance that she’s had sex with another man, you’ll get a stronger erection when she comes home. If she has had sex with another man, that makes you really hard.”

Turning this dynamic into reality through cuckolding is a mental workout “because it involves getting your mind past the jealousy”—past that touch her and I’ll blow your head off reflex. Jealousy, Block theorizes, is a social construct based on the notion that husbands own their wives, and is thus “much more recent, evolutionarily speaking, than the competition that turns guys on. That’s why it’s mostly intellectuals who are into cuckolding: because other guys are crippled by jealousy. They’re aroused and upset and don’t know why.”

Think your way around that, and “this is a simple and safe way to find a lover,” ventures the San Francisco-based Webmaster who calls himself DotInfo and operates Cuckold-Forum.net. “Not only does a woman want it, but also her husband wants to share his wife. And they don’t have to hide it from each other. It makes their relationships more clear and open.”

But there’s also a somewhat uncomfortable racial angle to cuckolding. Cruise the galleries at cuckolding Web sites and you’ll see the same dynamic again and again: white husband, white wife, African-American other man. In cuck slang, these black men are dubbed “mandingos” or “bulls.” Some sites, such as InterracialCuck.com, CuckoldHoes.com, and BigBlackBull.com, cater solely to this.

“It harks back to the notion of the forbidden,” says Paul, who doesn’t pursue this fetish-within-a-fetish himself, “and to that monstrous old stereotype in which all black men have two-foot cocks.”

For Paul, it’s enough that the guy makes him feel pathetic, but he warns that the emotional scarring isn’t for everyone.

“You’re playing with fire” he says. “Don’t do this unless you understand that you can’t take it back. Even if you never do it again, your wife will have always had that great time, and you’ll both know.”

Anneli Rufus is the author of many books, including Party of One: The Loners’ Manifesto, and the Nautilus Award-winning Stuck: Why We Don’t (or Won’t) Move On , and the coauthor of still more, including Weird Europe and The Scavengers’ Manifesto.  In 2006, she won a Society of Professional Journalists award for criticism.

Virtues of Infidelity

I seem to be on a pattern about monogamy.  I found this to be interesting and it will certainly open some more conversations with my husband and I.  I don’t see us embracing this life, we seem to be happy where we are.

 Source:  http://www.underpaidgenius.com/post/7188935176

 

Mark Oppenheimer explores monogamy with Dan Savage, the well-known sex-advice columnist:

Mark Oppenheimer via

Savage’s position on monogamy is frequently caricatured. He does not believe in promiscuity; indeed, his attacks on the anonymous-sex, gay-bathhouse culture were once taken as proof of a secret conservative agenda. And he does not believe that monogamy is wrong for all couples or even for most couples. Rather, he says that a more realistic sexual ethic would prize honesty, a little flexibility and, when necessary, forgiveness over absolute monogamy. And he believes nostalgically, like any good conservative, that we might look to the past for some clues.

“The mistake that straight people made,” Savage told me, “was imposing the monogamous expectation on men. Men were never expected to be monogamous. Men had concubines, mistresses and access to prostitutes, until everybody decided marriage had to be egalitarian and fairsey.” In the feminist revolution, rather than extending to women “the same latitude and license and pressure-release valve that men had always enjoyed,” we extended to men the confines women had always endured. “And it’s been a disaster for marriage.”

In their own marriage, Savage and Miller practice being what he calls “monogamish,” allowing occasional infidelities, which they are honest about. Miller was initially opposed to the idea. “You assume as a younger person that all relationships are monogamous and between two people, that love means nothing can come between you,” said Miller, who met Savage at a club in 1995, when he was 23 and Savage was 30. “Dan has taught me to be more realistic about that kind of stuff.

“It was four or five years before it came up,” Miller said. “It’s not about having three-ways with somebody or having an open relationship. It is just sort of like, Dan has always said if you have different tastes, you have to be good, giving and game, and if you are not G.G.G. for those tastes, then you have to give your partner the out. It took me a while to get down with that.” When I asked Savage how many extramarital encounters there have been, he laughed shyly. “Double digits?” I asked. He said he wasn’t sure; later he and Miller counted, and he reported back that the number was nine. “And far from it being a destabilizing force in our relationship, it’s been a stabilizing force. It may be why we’re still together.”

While his marriage opened up gradually, Savage says that “there’s not a one-size-fits-all way” to approach nonmonogamy, especially if both partners committed to monogamy at the start. “Folks on the verge of making those monogamous commitments,” Savage told me in one of our many e-mail exchanges, “need to look at the wreckage around them — all those failed monogamous relationships out there (Schwarzenegger, Clinton, Vitter, whoever’s on the cover of US magazine this week) — and have a conversation about what it’ll mean if one or the other partner should cheat. And agree, at the very least, to getting through it, to place a higher value on the relationship itself than on one component of it, sexual exclusivity.”

[…]

It was not until the 20th century that Americans evolved an understanding of marriage in which partners must meet all of each other’s needs: sexual, emotional, material. When we rely on our partners for everything, any hint of betrayal is terrifying. “That is the bind we are in,” Coontz said. “We accord so much priority to the couple relationship. It is tough under those conditions for most people to live with the insecurity of giving their partners permission to have flings.”

From an anthropological perspective, modern monogamous marriage is an artifact of the industrial revolution, and the modern nation state. The emergence of the 20th century nuclear family, deeply integrated into a mythos of romantic love-based marriage, is strangely tied to religious morality, even for those that are secular. 

A society based on home-owning, hard-working, go-to-church-on-sundays families living tight-knot village-sized communities has a nostalgic appeal, even if it wasn’t really true, even back in the day.

Post-industrial society will be based on older, and not just different norms. A return to tribal forms of authority and power, for example, and enigmatic, not dogmatic, spirituality. We will accept sexual desire and expression, instead of sex being considered legitimate only within the confines of officially-sanctioned heterosexual, monogamous love.

This moral shift will take decades to cascade into everyday life, but the acceptance of homosexuals and lesbians into Western culture, as well as growing acceptance of open sexuality will lead to a broader spectrum of stable relationships, ranging from monogamous, to monogamish, to polygamous, to polyamorous.

The rise of the cuckolding culture

Come join the fun now!!!  Be a Cuckoldress before being a cuckoldress was cool 😉

An article orginally published by Kai Ma on Nerve.com.

Two years ago, Christina, a thirty-one-year-old married administrative assistant, was about to have sex with Claudio, a man who wasn’t her husband. She pulled out a ruler from underneath her bed so she could measure his penis. “Ten inches with a seven-inch girth,” she said to Claudio. Then she turned to her husband, who was standing next to her and Claudio, videotaping, and emphasized to him, “He’s huge.”

It all began in 1997, when Christina met her husband Kurt online. After they married, they spilled their guts to each other while high on ecstasy: they both had sexual fantasies about sleeping with other people. At that point, “we knew we couldn’t eat the same meal everyday,” says Kurt. They agreed to have an open marriage, and Christina began having sex with a coworker. When she told Kurt about it, he felt “outwardly jealous, inwardly curious,” he says. “A part of me wished that I could’ve seen it.” Kurt also worried for his wife’s safety when she slept with male strangers. “At first, it was about making sure she wasn’t in danger. Now, it’s about me being there, seeing it and getting off.”

Kurt is a cuckolder — or “cuck” — a man who

derives sexual pleasure from watching his wife or girlfriend have sex with other men. He assumes a disempowered, beta-male role as part of the fantasy. His wife, or any woman who cuckolds her male partner, is called a hotwife. When I ask Christina how she feels about the arguably degrading epithets, she shrugs and throws her hands up. “I’m a slut,” she says. Kurt cracks a smile.

Christina and Kurt (not their real names) post ads online seeking extramarital male partners for her. These men are called “bulls” or “studs.” After spending hours searching Craigslist for bulls, I found Claudio (not his real name), Christina and Kurt’s current bull. He responded to my request for an interview, and then put me in touch with them.

On my way to their Manhattan apartment, I am walking a path that countless bulls have walked before. Kurt, a forty-one-year-old former Army man is still cut like a soldier — lean and muscular, with a shaved head, and pecs bulging underneath a baby-blue basketball jersey. He looks like the antithesis of a beta male, though anyone would peg Christina as a hotwife. Her curly, black hair is pulled back by a headband, and her eyes reflect the intensity of her persona; everything, from her short, snappy statements to how she takes a drag from her smoke, is executed with an unapologetic frankness.

It is the same matter-of-fact tone that she uses to describe Claudio’s generous package: “[Claudio] is hitting spots in me that Kurt isn’t.” Kurt nods in somber agreement, adding, “He fills her up. I love watching her react to his bigger dick because I can’t provide her that. I get off on the truth, on what’s real.” The couple’s ads specify that their bulls have to boast a penis of eight inches plus, given that Kurt’s is seven. The bull needs to exemplify masculinity in ways that Kurt cannot. He needs to be not only better endowed, but also alpha enough to make Kurt feel small, both physically and psychologically.

The idea of any husband wanting to watch his wife have sex with another man goes against the grain of marriage, masculinity, even patriarchy, in a radical way. Before meeting Kurt, I’d never known a man who liked the idea of another man messing around with his wife. But Kurt, who enjoys submitting to the bull’s larger penis and his wife’s high sex drive, says his sexual passivity is more a role than the reality. He can personify the beta male role, even eroticize it, because he knows he’s not inherently inferior to other men.

As an alpha male in life, Kurt’s bedside compliance also serves as a refuge from his competitive, high-strung personality. “This is the one area in life where I can choose to be submissive,” he explains. “I always have to win and be the best at everything. No one can do better than I can. If another guy eats her out better than I do, well, he’s just raised the bar, but I can do better. But a bigger dick I can’t complete with. Something about that turns me on.”

Kurt watches his wife have sex with bulls through a video camera, sometimes inches away from the action. He makes it a point to videotape the bull’s penis, then turns the camera on his own smaller one to emphasize the size disparity. Afterwards, the couple will watch the tape with the bull, and then again together after the bull leaves. They’ve accumulated an extensive library of homemade porn. “I can’t stand fading memories,” says Kurt.

“I’m not threatened by these guys,” he says. “Though I do envy them — I give em props, those lucky bastards. Nothing turns me on more than seeing her react to someone else’s bigger dick.” Motioning toward his wife, he adds, “It’s unrealistic to think that I can be the best at everything. There’s always going to be something another guy can give her that I can’t.”

For those unfamiliar with cuckolding as sexual fetish, try to recall high-school English, and more specifically, Geoffrey Chaucer’s reference to cuckolds in The Canterbury Tales. The traditional Middle English meaning of the word — a man with an adulterous wife — echoes the modern-day fetish: “One cannot be a cuckold if not wed. But I do not therefore asperse your bed; few are the wives who make their husbands sad, a thousand good for every one that’s bad.”

The glaring difference? Dozens of cuckold websites affirm that today’s cucks aren’t just standing helplessly by. They’re begging well-endowed men to have sex with their insatiable wives.

The cuckold community remains largely online, though in San Francisco, the private club Cuckold Dreams hosts parties for its members. On Haway.org, run by Seattle-based cuckolder Rusty Haway, members can browse ads, post forums and share stories, video and photos. CuckoldPlace.com (a more advanced site where “52,417 registered users can’t be wrong!”), has different categories for members to explore: interracial, intergenerational, basic, ultimate. Here, ads are posted by couples and bulls from all over the world, and range from detailed accounts (accompanied with dick pics and email addresses) to traditional social networking (“Any bulls in Indianapolis?”) Advice is solicited and shared: “Should Wife spend Her vacation along with Her lover(s)?” And, “Should the cuck be chastised?” On the utilitarian Craigslist, dozens of cuckolding-related ads can be found on any given day, though the majority are bulls looking for hotwives.

Other sites feature images ranging from semen dripping over wedding bands to ethereal caucasian goddesses standing next to black men in mirrored shades. The race thing is one of cuckolding’s more uncomfortable aspects. On most cuckolding sites, such as blacksonwives.com and myslutwife.com, there is an overwhelming preoccupation with “Mandingos,” or well-endowed black men. Similar racial parameters exist in the swinging community, as highlighted in Details magazine’s March article on “Mandingo parties” — interracial orgies arranged for single black men to have sex with white wives in front of their white husbands. The popularity of the orgies is buttressed by a two-prong fantasy: the white couple’s fetish for a “BBC” (big, black cock), and the Mandingo’s fetish for having sex with rich, white wives. All participants get something out of it, and a Mandingo even argues that interracial orgies are a by-product of multiculturalism and tolerance. But bigotry — and a dose of white guilt — lie at the heart of any racialized fetish: black men, despite their “superior” sexual prowess, are debased and eroticized, and believed to pose less of a threat because the wives would supposedly never date them.

The cucks I interviewed denied having a preference for Mandingos, but would eventually admit some sort of racialized, if not racist, baggage. Bob, a forty-seven-year-old caucasian male, says he found a relationship through an online ad posted by a woman pursuing black bulls. “I emailed her because I was hoping to fall in love with a sexual white woman who does black guys,” he says. “We hooked up and it was really wild.”

“In American cuckold culture,” he adds, “it’s the white couple that has black bulls. There’s a notion that black men are better-endowed, and the whole idea of white men getting off on feeling sexually inferior to black men.”

A Black-Puerto Rican bull I interviewed does not answer white couples’ ads because “they tend to be more rigid in terms of what they look for in a bull,” he says. “If you’re a black bull, you’d better fit the mold of what the stereotypical black guy is. To them, he’s a cornrow-wearing thug or basketball player. They’re more into the fantasy — the big, black Mandingo.”

“Most black men are not offended by the stereotype that they’re well-hung,” he continues. “But what gets on my nerves is when the ad says, ‘We want a gold-toothed, baggy-pants type,’ or, ‘We want you to look like Allen Iverson or Usher.’ You know what? The typical bull on Craigslist is not going to look like Usher, so get over your stereotype and deal with it.”

The identity politics don’t stop there. While watching another man have sex with his female partner, a cuck also negotiates a homoerotic encounter in a way that feels less threatening to his heterosexual identity. A cuck with latent bisexual or gay tendencies may be unwilling to have sex with a man, but can concede to watching his woman in the act and vicariously experience it through her. If he decides to perform oral sex on a bull, it’s spun as an act meant to please his female partner. The presence of a conduit — the wife or girlfriend — helps to contain his desires within a safer scope of bi-curious sexuality. Bob, for example, would consider being forced into oral sex with a bull, “but I would never go out to a gay club and blow guys. For men, it’s taboo to have bisexual relationships. Cuckolding allows us to express these desires without having to actually have sex with a man.”

In his erotic nineteenth-century novel Venus in Furs, Leopold von Sacher-Masoch writes of a character who tells his lover, “Suffering has a peculiar attraction for me. Nothing can intensify my passion more than tyranny, cruelty and especially the faithlessness of a beautiful woman.” These predilections were later detailed in The Confessions of Wanda von Sacher-Masoch, written by his wife, also known as Aurora Rümelin. According to the memoir, von Sacher-Masoch forced her to take on additional lovers so that he could experience the pain and humiliation of “infidelity,” and was so obsessed with being cuckolded that he personally set up liaisons with other men for his wife, and threatened her if she didn’t cooperate.

And this is how cuckolding, or any fetish, complicates the notion of who is actually in control. For a fantasy that requires the roles of submissive males and dominant females, is the “forceful and lust-driven wife” really the controlling party when coerced into making her husband’s wet dream a reality?

Bob believes cuckolding relationships should be based on mutual consent, and would never twist a woman’s arm into cuckoldry. But similar to von Sacher-Masoch, he often has to coax his girlfriends into participating in his fetish. If they refuse, the relationship ends. If they agree, Bob becomes both the submissive cuck and the voice of authority. “I’ve trained girlfriends to be more dominant, and how to properly tease and humiliate me,” he says. “Women are usually not born as cuckoldresses.”

When Bob was thirty-three, he found a girlfriend who voluntarily had sex with several other men, but expected him to remain monogamous. When Bob revealed his fetish, she agreed to cuckold him, and he stopped having sex with her altogether. “If I kept her satisfied sexually, she wouldn’t have a reason to go out and sleep with other guys,” Bob explains over the phone. “I had to convince her to concentrate on extramartial affairs as her only avenue for sex to ensure that she would keep searching for and finding men.”

Unlike Kurt and Christina, Bob and his girlfriend would dupe their unwitting bull; Bob would hide in the closet or under the bed while his girlfriend had sex above him. Bob helped her groom and prepare for dates. Several days before her date with the bull, Bob would take her shopping for the plunging neckline of her choice. At the mall, they played out their sexual roles: he acted meek and pathetic, protesting that the new clotheswere too provocative, and she would order him to buy them for her anyway. The day before the date, she would make him pay for her manicure and pedicure, or order him to shave her legs in the shower. “Helping her get ready for her date was a huge mind-fuck that I enjoyed immensely,” he says.

But the biggest mind-fuck of all was clean-up duty — Bob liked to perform oral sex on his girlfriend immediately after she had sex with another man. “What makes it erotic is that my woman is really enjoying herself” with the bull, he says. “Then she comes back to me, and humiliates me by saying, ‘Now it’s your turn to have me. You can taste what the other guy left behind.'”

Bob could spend days kicking around theories explaining his behavior. (Low self-esteem? Oedipus complex?) But rather than putting a psychological stamp on his behavior, he’s content with the explanation that he’s submissive in the sack. “I’m not a docile person and I don’t let anyone push me around,” he says. “I’m not intimidated by younger, virile men with larger penises. But my fetish sexualizes it in a way that I feel inferior to them and enjoy those thoughts for the moment. You grow up in a society that always tells you, ‘No one is better than you. Don’t let anybody push you around. Don’t let anybody tell you that you’re not good enough.’ That’s all good in the real world, but why don’t we tweak it in the sexual world?”


On a recent Saturday afternoon, it is Kurt and Christina’s eight-year wedding anniversary. I ask them what their plans are for the night. “[Claudio] might come over,” Christina tells me. “We might drop some E. If you want to join us, the invitation is always open.”

Instead, I meet Claudio alone at a coffee shop in Manhattan. He’s lanky, and flecks of salt-and-pepper hair are tucked under a black cap. He has intelligent eyes and slightly elfin ears. Claudio, thirty-five, met Kurt and Christina, his first cuckolding couple, in 2005. He answered their ad for a bull because it was hard for him to find single women online to have sex with. He noticed a pattern in straight women seeking sex online — the majority of attractive and sane females were always one-half of a couple. “I saw a lot of ads seeking bulls. So I thought, why don’t I try this cuckolding thing?”

The first time Claudio walked from the train station to the couple’s apartment, his heart was racing. He played out different scenarios in his head: if he got too nervous, he thought, he would back out altogether. As he walked into the doorman building with marble floors, he had “the complete jitters.” Christina was waiting for him in the lobby.

They greeted each other. Within five seconds of seeing him, she said, “So, did you bring your dick?”

“Uh, yeah,” Claudio stammered. “I did.”

“Good. Just checking.”

Once they went inside, Claudio met Kurt, and while the men talked in the bedroom, Claudio got his first real look at Christina’s taut figure. A few minutes later, Christina was measuring his penis, and making sure Kurt was getting it on videotape. “I like the attention I get from being a bull,” Claudio admits. “I’m the one that keeps the action moving. If I can’t perform, nothing happens. I like being in that role.”

He feels that bull-dom has made him a new person. “It’s not every man that can just take off his clothes in front of another man and not feel threatened or uncomfortable,” he says. “Being a bull is my way of being someone I’m not in regular life. It’s helped me break out of my shell because I have more confidence now. I found myself through cuckolding.”

Even as he plays the alpha-male role during sex with Christina, Claudio doesn’t feel like he’s better than Kurt. If anything, he envies him. “He has this great-looking wife, and has all this great sex without any of the worries or troubles that I have to go through as a single male,” Claudio says. “I’m still struggling to attain what he has. To me, he has it made.”

Kurt and Christina couldn’t agree more. A bull simply plays a marginal role in their sex life, and only reinforces the sex they have with each other. “Sexually, I know I’m the one,” Kurt says. “No one is better for each other than we are. The things we get from additional partners are just different body parts, smells, actions, styles. In the end, I’m the one tearing her up.”

Hotwife Tips

Since the Fuck Buddy tips went so well, how about some hotwife tips.  Add you own:

Sometime talk is not so cheap, especially when trying to convince your man to open up to a cuckold or hotwife relationship.

Ex-talk
While most advice columns caution couples from talking about ex-lovers, for the exceptional woman it is almost mandatory to talk. Women have a particular advantage in all this, since men are obsessed with penis size. It could even be said that Freud’s penis envy afflicts men– not women. Regardless how you really feel about cock size, it is always best to exaggerate your interest. Always keep your husband on his heels. And there are two ways to do this.

The first way: 

Make sure he knows he is not the largest you have been with. Keep things vague, but larger than life. Let him use his imagination. Be coy. If your husband asks about the largest cock you have been with, act like you don’t want to discuss it at first. Tell him that size doesn’t really matter. If he pushes the issue, tell him about a past lover who was huge. If he presses for details, explain he was a few inches larger than the husband, and that sometimes sex was painful.

Over the course of time, you can explain how you have always really liked big cocks. Remind your husband that his is fine for a daily driver, but that sometimes you need a little more. As time progresses, describe another former lover– and how he also had a very large cock. Describe how much you enjoy feeling filled up. You can even explain how while you don’t miss your exlover, you sometimes miss his cock, and that you fantasize about him.

The Second Way:

Exactly the opposite of the first way.  Make your husband know that he is the biggest you have had, but that he is too big.  Tell him how much you love sex and want more of it, but he is so big that it hurts.  Tell him this as you stroke him or suck him.  Tell him how much you love the feel of his BIG (really over emphasize it) cock in your hands and  mouth.  Tell him how wet you get just from thinking about it.  From here, you can talk about having something to help warm you up, maybe even another cock that could help stretch you out first before hubby got to penetrate you.  Since you are keeping him stimulated he will probably try to push the scenerio and ask just what size of cock you need.

You can then tell him about previous lovers who where smaller, but skillful.  Tell him how their cocks could touch just the right spots.  After they get you warmed up, maybe you can take more of your husband’s BIG dick (again add the emphasis).  After that, maybe you can work in another step up in dick size by telling him if that works then maybe you could find a bigger dick.
Celebs
Pick a type— black, latino, older, muscular… you decide. When you see someone who is your type on TV, make comments how hot he is. If you like blacks, every time you watch a program with your husband, comment how sexy your favorite black star is. Tell your husband how you would not hesitate to fuck him and that you would let him have his way with you. Tease your man by asking him if he thinks the celeb is hot. If he says yes, ask if he wants to be fucked by him. If he says no, tell him he is lying.

You can also do this for movies.  When you see a movie that has an actor you find attractive, make that movie the focus of a date night.  You could even tell him how much you would enjoy watching this actor in that movie, and you would enjoy it enough that you could give hubby something special after the show.  You can still tease him, asking him if he thinks the actor is hot.

Coworkers and friends

Tell you husband about a man you know who is hot. Everytime his name comes up, remind your husband how hot he is. Build it up into a crush. Describe the attention you receive from the man, what you were wearing at the time, and so on. Sound obsessive about your interest in him. If the other man is single, be particularly flirtatious, and describe your flirtations in great detail to your husband. Describe how you want to be alone with him and how you wouldn’t hesitate to fuck him if the circumstances allowed.

You can do this with strangers too.  Just pick out some random strangers while you are out and snap some pictures with your cell phone.  You can send them to your hubby with a sexy note.  Or you can save them for later and tell him in your most excited tone about someone you saw today.  Tell him how you normally don’t react this way, but something about this guy just got you going and you couldn’t stop thinking about him and just taking him to some motel for a quickie.

Fantasy talk
In bed, ask your husband what he fantasizes about. It is guaranteed to prompt him to ask you the same question. Go into excruciating detail. For example, if you are into interracial fantasies, tell him how you fantasize about being with two or three black men, who completely have their way with you. Or tell him a fantasy involving someone he already knows, and portray a very realistic fantasy. For example, you are not feeling well, so you stay home from work. A coworker stops by to have you sign some papers. You answer the door in your night clothes. As you invite him in, you find him staring at you, and things develop from there.

Hotwife talk
Tell your husband you fantasize about dating other men– just for the sex and the thrill.  The thrill of that first date and all the nervousness that comes with it, while you know that your big, strong, security net is waiting at home if something goes wrong.   Ask how he feels about it. Tell him you would tell him everything that happened, but that you want to meet one on one with another man. If he doesn’t go for that, explain how he could watch, but not participate. Ask him frequently if he would be comfortable watching a cock sliding in and out of you.

Night Out With the Girls
This is particularly effective if you have single friends. Take a night out with your girlfriends, at least once monthly. Have a few drinks and use the alcohol as an excuse for your flirtations, if you need an excuse. Return home with tales of other men flirting with you, buying drinks, more cell phone pictures, etc. Exaggerate if you must— or better yet, return with a phone number…. or another man.

Just enjoy it and don’t give up!!!

You shouldn’t live in the shadow of your own desires forever. You have to take that chance and make your life reflect who you really are.

Where’s the fun?

A great place to meet others to include in your sexual playtime is in the Swinger Community.  Why you ask??

It is all really simple. Swingers just have more fun! Yes many have wild kinky sex with other people. But most come out to enjoy the ADULT fun that is lacking in the every day world.   These are not some strange wierdos that you would avoid.  The are your neighbors, co-workers, other PTA parents, other playgroup parents, Democrats, Republicans…they are regular everyday people who want to have some fun.  You can be yourself and dress how you like, even say what you please, while being sexy all at once.

 You can talk about your hidden desire to run along the beach naked to people who understand. You can flaunt your hidden tattoo that the folks at the office don’t have a clue about.  You can engage in that ultimate fantasy with others who will cheer you along and not hold you back.  Swingers are all about being who they really are in the comfortably of others who think like them.  No judgement of what you like, what turns you on, what clothes you wear, what car you drive, or how much money you make.

 Does sex with strangers happen at a swingers party? Yes! But do you have to have sex with a stranger? NO! Truth be told most folks who go to a swingers party do not have sex with others or get naked or even flash a boobie. They go to enjoy the freedom and the atmosphere that Swingers offer. But I can tell you who does have wild sex like a frat house, couples after they return from a swingers party! They get caught up in the energy, excitement, and fun of others.  It is contagious and causes them to rediscover talking and the importance of attraction all over again.  They begin to see their partner as a sexual being again and not just the father or mother of their children.

You can read wildly written stories about Swingers and even find some so called Swingers Videos.

 But truth be told, you will really never learn anything about Swingers, the Lifestyle or what it’s all about till you attend a Swingers Event.  It will not come to you on this screen, it will not knock on your door, it is not for sale at WalMart. You have to experience a true, real life Swingers Event to see if it is for you.

 

Thanks to JPJustParties for the inspiration.

The Tied-Up Swing

My mind was whirling with possibilities after our last visit to this swing club.  I decided to put this plan into action without telling my husband.  It’s not like he would have been upset or anything, I just wanted it to be a surprise for him.

We arrived at the club and got settled.  I wore a button-up, sleeveless blouse with a long flowing skirt. This was not my usual club wear, but it was perfect for tonight.  What my husband wore is not important as you will find out.  We connected with some of the regulars and tried to make some of the newcomers comfortable.  After a few hours, the foreplay, music, and drinks were doing their thing to get everyone in the mood for some fun and I decided to go for it.  I grabbed my husband’s hand and led him to the far side of the room, to the wall with the chains and shackles attached to it.

We started making out with tongues and hands going everywhere.  He tried to undress me, tugging at each piece of clothing, but that was not part of my plan.  Getting him out of his clothes was however.  That is what I did.  Once I had him naked, I pinned him against the wall and restrained him there with the shackles around his wrists.  I kept kissing and rubbing my hands all over his body.  I wrapped my hand around his dick and took half a step back to get his attention.

I began to lay out the rules for the night.  We can have all the fun we want, but others can only play with whatever skin is exposed.  If any clothing covers it, then it is off limits.  He smiled as I told him that it looks like he is fair game for everyone since he has nothing to cover up and since his hands were tied-up, he could not resist either.  He seemed fine with that and agreed to the rules.  I told him that we should seal the deal with a kiss and began to kiss his cock and give him a toe-curling blowjob.

After a few moments alone, another couple, John and Kim, decided to check on us.  They were already naked and commented about the unfairness of the scene since I was still dressed.  So I informed them of the rules and we shared a good laugh.  Then Kim, took the initiative and enjoyed some play time with my tied to the wall guy.  I was still on my knees in front of my husband and she knelt beside me.  John pouted and said something about all of his playthings were covered up and pointed to me.

I told him to enjoy his woman as she was enjoying my man.  He moved closer, but surprised me by grabbing my hand and placing it on his dick.  He made some comment about exposed skin and since my arms were the only thing uncovered on me, he had me (not that I really tried to find a way out either).  So I stroked and sucked his dick and balls while his wife did the same to my husband.  After a few minutes, his wife noticed what I was doing and came to join me.  So her man was getting double-teamed and mine was left to watch.

I was loving it.

As we played with her man, I unbuttoned some of my blouse; just enough to barely uncover one of my tits but not enough to unleash them both.  My partner in fun saw the newly uncovered skin and left me alone with her man’s cock as she gave me a little attention.  I enjoyed her efforts enough that I unbuttoned the rest of my blouse and flipped it away, completely exposing my bare chest to her.  She took advantage of it and of me.  She knew how to take my breath away in ways no one had done before or has done since just by playing with my tits.  I tried to repay all her efforts by working harder on her man, but I think I got the better of the exchange.

When she returned, I let her take over the oral pleasures of her man.  I gave her body some quick tease feel over as I moved over to my guy who looked like he was aching for some attention.  So I gave him a quick tug and pull along with some licks and sucks.  Then, using his stiff dick for leverage, I pulled myself up, off my knees, and stood face to face with him.  I pressed my bare chest against him as I kissed his lips and let my hands roam all over his body.  As fun as it is to have my husband restrained, it takes some of the fun out of making out with him when I can’t feel his hands all over me too.

But just as I was wishing for his hands to ravish me, I felt a touch.

I had forgotten about the other couple and jumped a little at the touch giving everyone a giggle.  I looked to see who it was and I saw her with one hand on me and one hand on my husband, but then I felt two more hands and knew John was standing behind me.  I went back to kissing my man and push back to allow the three hands on me more room to roam.  I felt a hand battle over my tits as our companion couple fought for that touch.  John gave into his woman’s desire and moved his hands down to my hips.  He pulled my hips against him and I felt his hard cock press against my skirt covered ass.  I moved my hips to the music the DJ was playing, grinding my ass harder against his dick.

John tried to get more daring with his hands.  He tried to work a finger and then two underneath the elastic of my skirt.  I pulled them out quickly.  He then tried to just pull my skirt down and since it was one of those very loose, free flowing skirts with only an elastic waist holding it in place, he was easily able to pull it down some.  But again, I stopped him and made some comment about following the rules or he won’t be allowed to play the game.  His wife smiled and slapped his hands away for me this time.  This teasing and the light caressing touch of his wife was working me up pretty good and making me want more.

I started to bend over at the waist, pressing my hips harder against my friend behind me and sliding my feet back, forcing him to take a few steps back.  When Kim figured out what I was doing, she placed one hand on the back of my head and helped push me down.  With her other hand, she grabbed my husband’s dick and held it in place for me.  I dragged my nails down my husband’s chest as I slowly bent over and felt him tense up and take short quick breaths as my nails scratched at his skin.  With my hands still over my head and resting on my husband’s stomach, I worked my mouth over his dick.  He was sensitive enough that I did not have to take much of him in my mouth to get a big response from him.

He stood on his toes trying to push more of his dick past my lips, but my partner in fun kept her tight grip on his cock and even told him to slow down.  She knew just what I was thinking.  I slowly worked down his shaft until my lips hit her hand and then went back up.  It was a little awkward working his cock with someone else’s hand there, but I soon found a rhythm and my husband told me later how erotic it was knowing it was my mouth and her hand.  I had some idea of what he meant, because it was erotic to me knowing that I was sucking my husband, rubbing against another man’s cock, and feeling his wife’s hand gently caress my back, run her fingers through my hair, and grope my free hanging tits.  All the extra touches were adding to fun.

I continued to wiggle my hips, grinding my bum against our John’s cock.  Playfully, I reached back and pulled the hem of my skirt up slowly.  He stroked my freshly exposed legs and He backed up a bit to give me room to raise my skirt all the way, but I wasn’t ready for that yet.  So with my other hand, I reach between my legs, grabbed his balls, and pulled him back against me.  Of course, while repositioning my hands, I had to stop sucking on my husband’s dick, but luckily Kim was there and she took over.  I had a good up-close view of her mouth engulfing my man’s shaft.

All this teasing and lust was getting to me and I was in need of something, so I released John’s balls and did a quick rub between my legs.  I was surprised how wet I was and at the shivers that went through my body from such a simple touch.  I caught myself before I got too involved in my self-pleasuring, but it did make me realize just how much I want John’s cock, or any cock for that matter, and since he was the closest one available, he was the winner.  I flipped my skirt up, giving John a clear path to where I wanted him and he made the most of the opportunity.  I put my hands on my husband’s hips to brace me for what was cumming.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath when I felt the head of John’s dick easily slide inside.  It was soon followed by his full length and it felt so good to be completely filled.  I must have been louder than I thought I was because when I opened my eyes, Kim was looking up at me.  She still had my husband’s cock in her mouth, but she still managed to smile at me knowing what I was feeling.  She even reached back and gave my tits a couple of good squeezes before turning her attention to my man’s dick.   I used one hand to hold her hair out of her way and to encourage her to go faster and take his dick deeper into her mouth.

We stayed like this for a while before Kim moved out of the way.  Seeing my husband’s glistening dick now free, I pounced on it.  Though I was stuck in the middle, there is something empowering for me to have a dick at both ends.  Knowing I control the pleasure of two men at one time.  I can choose to stop at anytime and be just fine, but knowing these two dicks want my body and want me to pleasure them is intoxicating and addictive.  It also drives me to want to do anything I can to make them cum.

I think Kim was ready for them to cum too, or at least for John to cum.  I heard her begin some intense dirty talk to her husband.  She started by telling him how good he looked and how sexy his cock looked sliding in and out.  I felt John’s hands firmly holding my hips and another hand, I’m guessing Kim’s, rub my ass and even spread them apart for a few seconds.  She then told him how bad she wanted him to cum and to cum on her tits.  After a few more encouraging words, John pulled out of me.  I whimpered when I felt his dick leave, but quickly decided to replace it with my husband’s.

I turned around and bent over in front of my man.  I reached through my legs and guided his cock inside of me.  I looked up to see Kim kneeling in front of John.  John had his knees bent and was stroking his shaft with it pointed at his wife’s chest.  I found my own rhythm since my husband’s hands were tied up and was surprised at how good it was feeling.  This is not my favorite position when it comes to my own orgasm, but I think the buildup of the night, combined with watching the lust of John and Kim was driving me to the edge.

Hearing John groan and seeing his body tense up, I knew what was next.  The simple idea of seeing a man ejaculate is not much of a turn-on for me, but tonight it looked was very erotic.  I think my husband agreed.  Not long after John’s orgasm, my husband hit his limit and his moans let me know.  I bucked harder and faster wanting to milk his dick for everything it had, but also to bring on my own orgasm; and it worked.  My body was now shuttering and shivering as the waves of pleasure came crashing down, flooding every inch of me.

As I came down from the euphoric high of the orgasm, I separated from my husband and tried to stand up.  My legs were weak and wobbly with my back stiff from being bent over for so long.  I was met with some hoots and cheers from the audience we had gained during our little show.  Some of the audience was putting on their own encore show and I smiled knowing I had turned-on, motivated, and encouraged them to do it.  My ego and confidence went up some that night.

I did some quick clean-up with my skirt and found my blouse.  I was in no hurry to release my husband.  Part of the thrill of the night for me was being in control and keeping him in such an exposed state after his orgasm was telling him that I was still in control.  I finished getting dressed, gave some playful high-fives to some of the other ladies around, and finally released my husband.  He got his own pats on the back as we got some more drinks and settled down on the sofa to catch our breath.

We stayed and watched some more fun, but did not join any more action that night at the club. We went back to our hotel room and talked about what we could do next.  But for the next few hours, it was just us and that was just as fun as what we had done at the club.

But oh the doors this night opens and I am ready to march through them!