A cuckolding and strong woman to share her adventures and advice. I like to share :).

Posts tagged ‘The Lifestyle’

Please excuse the mess

Greetings All!!!

This blog started off as a personal brain dump.  A place to dump all the thoughts that were in my head on cuckolding.  Then it became a melting pot of information I found across the web from various authors and sites; some of it good, some of it not so good.  My goal has become to create a single resource where those looking for information on the cuckolding or hot wife lifestyles and come for information.

From personal experience, I know it can be difficult to come to grips with all this lifestyle offers and even how real it is, especially for women.  We have been taught our whole lives that good girls don’t do certain things and married women don’t even consider certain things.  We are also taught that our husband’s love towards us should be expressed in certain ways.  And all of these things we have been taught are completly opposite to this lifestyle.  It can be puzzling, frustrating, hurtful, and exciting all wrapped up in one.  I struggled to find real information from real people to find out just how real all this is and what it means about me, my husband, our family, and our future.  So this blog is meant to provide that single resource.

As I have grown this blog, I have not taken great care in obviously distinguishing my original work from that of others.  I do not intend to take credit for or plagarize the work of others and so I apologize for the confusion I created by not making that obvious distinction.  I will be putting some thought into how better to organize this blog and the information it has in it to make it easier to read for everyone.

Please be aware that when I post work from another author, I make no claims to the accuracy of their work to any scientific evident they produce, how factual it is, or even how realistic it is.  I just want to provide information for men, women, and couples to use to discuss this lifestyle, all it has to offer, and how they want to shape it to fit their own preferences.

Thanks for reading and I welcome all comments or critiques.  Let’s make this our site by working together to build it!!!


Good Luck!!!!




The cuckold experience


The Cuckold Experience 

(click title for original source)

Anyone who’s ever been in one of these relationships will tell you that they’re emotionally complex, physical stimulating, extremely passionate, and intensely erotic. Men and women who’ve been in these types of relationships often become captivated by their unique intensity. Multiple studies demonstrate that the emotional impact of these relationships on their participants is so profound that it can permanently alter brain chemistry levels in both men and women. They become addicted to the thrilling surges of adrenalin (power) and dopamine (pleasure) associated with these activities.

For men, the phrase “once a cuckold, always a cuckold” speaks to this powerful desire and effect. Despite the conflicting emotional turmoil experienced by men in these relationships… often referred to as “cuckold angst”, described as the most intensely erotic roller coaster ride a man will ever experience… men find it highly addictive, and often find themselves wanting to experience it again and again in subsequent relationships with different women. So much so that they will actively seek out women who will cuckold them.

It’s said the most natural cuckolds in the world are men who experienced the emotional trauma of being made a cuckold during their sexually formative years, typically between 16 and 20. A man with a beautiful flirty girlfriend who cheats on him with other men, and then takes her back despite her infidelity… often begging and pleading with her to come back to him… is a man destined to be a cuckold all his life. With that experience, the die is cast. Thereafter, this pattern (she cheats, he forgives and takes her back) will tend to repeat itself.

For women, the experience is different but can be just as addictive, which is why men who think they want their wife to cuckold them need to be very careful about what they wish for. They might just get it. Once a woman has experienced the sexual variety and freedom of having sex with other men in the context of marriage, they will never give it up. The popular phrase “once a woman goes black, she never goes back” is a truism if there ever was one. But it’s a concept that applies not just to white women having sex with black men, but to married women having sex with other men besides their husbands. These types of experiences will forever alter her perceptions, and change the way she looks at things.

The reality that every would-be cuckold needs to face is that once a woman experiences the raw masculine power of a nine inch bull cock working between her legs, and feels what it’s like to cum five or six times in one night, she will never again be satisfied with a four inch penis that discharges in two minutes and then goes soft for the night. It changes the entire dynamic. A cuckold will quickly find out that the loving patience his wife previously showed with his erection and premature ejaculation issues will abruptly come to an end once she knows she has options.

Similarly, men and women who’ve been in serious power exchange relationships, either as the dominant or submissive partner, find them to be highly addictive and often discover that the experience has profoundly altered their perceptions, sexual interests, and desires.

If, for example, during or shortly after some intense power exchange activity, a person consistently has an orgasm, their mind will thereafter begin to associate that particular activity with having an orgasm, and they will find themselves wanting to experience it again and again. Given enough time and experiences, especially when their orgasms are otherwise controlled and restricted, this will apply to virtually any activity. This, of course, forms the basis for and explains the powerful addictive fascination some people have to BDSM relationships and the whole dominant/submissive dynamic. It applies to both to the dominant and submissive partner, and to both men and women.

These types of relationships begin and subsequently develop in all different kinds of ways, each with their own twists, turns, spins, and sexual flavors, reflecting the various interests, motivations, needs, desires, fetishes, passions, characters, and personalities of the individuals involved.

Sometimes it’s the wife’s idea, sometimes it’s the husband’s. Other times it’s spontaneous, unplanned, and just happens. Some women, whose husbands suggest experimenting with the lifestyle, find the concept repulsive and immoral. Other women immediately embrace the idea and take to it like a duck to water. Still other women slowly warm to the notion, dip their toe in the pool cautiously, and then, after a few amazing orgasmic experiences, wish they had thought of it sooner.

Some wives secretly have sex with other men, without their husbands knowing, and actively try to hide it, while other wives do so openly. Some women feel nervous, apprehensive, and guilty about it afterwards, others are confident, poised, and self-assured. Many women experience mixed emotions… a little guilt, mixed with genuine concern about their husband’s feelings, tempered by powerful memories of how incredible the sex was… which is roughly analogous to the “cuckold angst” that men feel (i.e., the next day they feel guilty, then a week later they want to do it again).

Some husbands know about their wife’s sexual activities, and some don’t. Some men harbor suspicions about a cheating wife, while others are clueless. Some men, if and when they do find out about their wife’s affairs, angrily confront her, while men are more introspective and quietly keep it to themselves, afraid to rock the boat. It’s not uncommon for secret cuckolds to become increasingly obsessive about their wife’s activities, and begin monitoring her cell phone, computer, checking her car, following her, etc.

Some husbands find the idea of their wife fucking other men to be intensely erotic, while others are repulsed by it. Some men are excited and exhilarated by the idea of having to share their wife’s pussy with other men, while others are deeply hurt and humiliated by the experience. Some men get an instant rock-hard erection just thinking about their wife coming home with a wet creamy used pussy, while other men are nauseated by it.

Some men despise their wives for it, while others love her even more. Some men beg their wives to stop, while others actively encourage her to continue. Some husbands like to watch. Some women don’t want their husbands to be present.

Many bulls don’t mind the husband being in the room when they fuck his wife, while others don’t want him to be anywhere around. Some women love to dress up special for their bulls, in ways they never dress up for their husbands, while other women are more discreet about it. Some women enjoy the ritual of always go to their bulls, while other women prefer to entertain their lovers at home. Still other women love the naughty idea of meeting up with their bull in a cheap roadside motel for a long hot afternoon of fucking. Some women enjoy spending the night with their bulls, while other women and couples have rules against it.

Some men want their wives to be able to experience sexual delights and pleasures that they can’t possibly give her, while other men feel humiliated by the fact that they can’t compete against the stronger, more virile men their wife’s typically choose as lovers.

Some women are sexually submissive, some are more dominant. Some men are sexually dominant, some are more submissive. And some are in between. Still others, after experimentation and experience, discover sides to them that they never knew about, and want to explore deeper.

Men and women in these types of relationships live in all different parts of the world, come from various demographic groups, different ages, income levels, educations, cultural backgrounds, and races.

For women, the criteria for picking sexual partners can be vastly different than the standards they might apply in selecting a life partner or husband. In fact, it’s quite common for women to be sexually curious about and physically attracted to men who are radically different than their husbands in terms of physical appearance, background, community and economic status, and personality. It is, after all, about having fun, experimenting, trying something new, exploring, and fulfilling sexual fantasies.

As far as sex partners go, most women are attracted to strong, powerful, dominant, masculine, mentally and physically aggressive men with unbounded physical stamina. They also tend to prefer muscular athletic men with big cocks. This, in large part, explains the powerful sexual attraction that many white women have for black men. The conventional cliché that we all hear about, and that we see all over the internet, is white women in their 30s and 40s that like to have hot nasty sex with young well-hung black men. It’s a stereotype, to be sure, but one that’s also very, very common.

Creating an Enjoyable Cuckolding Experience

 Enjoying the Cuckolding ExperienceObviously, there are many different wives and couples who dine from this buffet of sexual preferences the world has to offer, so this post will not apply to everyone, but anyone may be able to take small pieces and use them. 

The dynamics in a cuckolding relationship can be intense, thrilling, and intimidating for everyone involved.  That range is what makes it so exciting, but it also is what makes it so scary.  We often times find it challenging to balance a relationship that has two people in it, so it is natural to cringe at the thought of adding a third (or fourth, or fifth, or sixth…) to the mix.  Or maybe we push back at the idea of getting close enough to the third person to think of them as being in the relationship or we keep the details of our affairs off limits to our husbands.  But that doesn’t need to be the case.

To make the cuckolding experience an enjoyable one for everyone involved and to keep the lifestyle fresh and going, everyone needs to get the maximum benefit from it.  That may seem obvious, but if it is not considered, you may be missing out on the full enjoyment of the lifestyle.

So you may be asking what the maximum benefit is for each person in this lifestyle.  Well, that’s a good question and the details will be different for each, but in general terms it means that the couple and the boyfriend(s) practice cuckolding together.  That is, you practice it as a threesome.  Now don’t freak out if the idea of being with two men at the same time is not your thing.  That is not exactly what I’m suggesting (but if you are open to it, MFM fun can be its own thrill 🙂 ).  But here, what I mean by threesome is three equal parts; hubby, wife, and boyfriend.

First, as the wife, if you are mainly hooking-up with various men at random times or places or if you have a regular boyfriend, but keep him away from your husband and your home, then you are missing out on some of the best experiences of the cuckolding lifestyle.  A steady boyfriend, or group of steady boyfriends, can be create much more rewarding experiences.  Don’t fear intimacy with your boyfriend, it is healthy, natural, and adds to the experience for everyone involved.

Sure it can be scary and intimidating for a couple to bring a steady relationship with another man into their lifestyle, but in reality, it is less risky physically.  If the concern is the emotional risk, then couples really shouldn’t even be thinking about this.  This is not polyamory we are talking about here, where the wife loves multiple partners.  Not to offend anyone, but I do not see how that relationship works.  In my experience, women cannot truly love more than one man.  This threesome setup I describe would be like adding a Friend with Benefit to the couple.  This FWB is available physically for the wife, but the emotional support comes from the husband.

Second, if you never involve your husband directly in your dates or sexual encounters, you are keeping him from experiencing some of the most intense feelings and parts of being your cuck.  Part of the sexual gratification your husband receives from being your cuck is mental and emotional.  The mental torture of the images that are burned into his mind from seeing with his own eyes the lust in your enjoyment of your boyfriend.  The emotional knots in his stomach watching his wife willingly submit to her boyfriend and enjoy her lover’s body like she once enjoyed her husband’s.  The anxiety and worry from seeing how much his wife can enjoy sex without him and what it means for him.  As strange as it sounds, this ‘anguish’ is a HUGE aphrodisiac for a cuck.  He has found a way of turning what would otherwise be debilitating jealously in others into an amazing and addictive stimulant.  It works much the same when you are away from him for the night and return with tales of your encounters, but the intensity increases hundred times over when he sees it with his own eyes.

And you may find that you enjoy the thrill of him watching more than you ever thought.  The thrills of seeing his erection grow with each act.  His lust growing to a point where his body aches for touch, any touch, and it forces him to masturbate looking for any release as he watches you squirm in ecstasy with your boyfriend.

But what if you or your boyfriend is not comfortable with your husband being around?  Well, go slow.  

He will need to be convinced that your husband is fine with the arrangement, that your husband won’t go postal on him when he watches you with your boyfriend, and that there are no ulterior motives at play here (i.e. no bi-sexual switches in the heat of passion).  Your boyfriend needs to be shown the submissive role your husband has taken in your new relationship.  Here are some ways you can start it off and slowly warm him up to the idea:

1)      Have your boyfriend pick you up at your house while your husband is there.  Introduce the two of them and be sure to use their ‘titles’ of husband and boyfriend (or you could call him your date if you need to go extra slow).  Give your boyfriend a passionate kiss with your husband watching and cuddle up close to him.  Your boyfriend will see your husband simply stand there and watch you two.  Before you leave, give your husband a goodbye kiss, but just a quick peck, make sure there is a big distinction between the two kisses to reinforce your husband’s role.  As you walk to the car, tell your boyfriend how hot and sexy it was to kiss him like that in front of your husband.  He may not get the message immediately, but you should show him enough to know that kissing him in front of your husband gets you hot and wet.

2)      During the dates, if the discussion ever turns to you being married or mentions your husband at all, don’t shy away from it.  Don’t be afraid to discuss your husband and his reactions to your dating.  Even share any details about how excited your husband gets the closer it comes to your date night and how he helps you get ready (picking out clothes, helping you choose sexy lingerie…).  Share the fantasies you and your husband have discussed and how you two have gotten to this point in your relationship.  Don’t use him like a therapist, but the more you can stimulate his mind with information, the more his imagination will be intrigued by it.

3)      Before your next date, have your husband make contact with your boyfriend to get his input about what he would like for you to wear.  It doesn’t need to be very specific and it could be as simple as asking what type of lingerie or panties does your boyfriend want you to wear.

4)      Have the dinner portion of the date at your house.  Your husband can be involved as much as you want and it even helps show his submissive role when you give him little tasks to do.  They don’t have to be big or humiliating tasks, they could be simple ones like greeting your boyfriend at the door, fixing the drinks for everyone, cleaning up the table.  After dinner, have some fun ‘social’ time together with you next to your boyfriend flirting, teasing, and even doing some foreplay fun with him with your husband watching.  Before you go out for the night, give your husband some task to do.  Again, it doesn’t need to be humiliating or overly dominant, but something as simple as saying “I hope that kitchen is clean when I get back home.”  It could be given with a light-hearted tone or laugh.

5)      Call your husband during your date and give him a teasing description of what is going on or what is about to happen.  Be sure your boyfriend is listening.  Before the call you could even ask your boyfriend for suggestions about what to tell your husband or deliberately create a situation to tell your husband about (i.e. your hand is rubbing your boyfriend’s dick under the table, or your boyfriend has his hand under your skirt while you are sitting at a bar).  To push the limits, you can call your husband from your boyfriend’s place, leaving the phone open for your husband to hear the sounds of sexual arousal and then hang-up just when things are getting hot and heavy.

Eventually this will all lead to some heavy petting and kissing at your home, then on to some fun in the bedroom and you may never leave the house.  Don’t get me wrong, we women love to be wined and dined, but sometimes we just want to be fucked.  During the first few of these make out sessions, your husband can watch and you can emphasize his submissive role by having him tied to a chair, watch the two of you while he is naked, or have him be your butler and undress you for your boyfriend.  When you retreat to the bedroom boldly state that your husband is to stay out of the bedroom unless you two call for him.

All of this may seem like such a challenge to most women and not worth the trouble.  But think of it as a game and once you win this game, it will become second nature to you and your boyfriend.  He will begin to take the initiative (and be very encouraging of him when he does as any negative criticism will likely make him regress) and you will be surprise just how playful he can be in your home or around your husband.  Your make out sessions on the couch will go further faster and you’ll find that your boyfriend is even embracing the relationship and coming up with things for your husband to do to help you two out in your passion play.

You’ll also find that your husband is having harder orgasms when you do let him cum.  All of this teasing and torment will cause a buildup in him like he has never felt.  And the more buildup there is, the more submissive he becomes.

Good Luck To All!!!!  Enjoy making this cuckold experience and enjoyable one for all!

Virtues of Infidelity

I seem to be on a pattern about monogamy.  I found this to be interesting and it will certainly open some more conversations with my husband and I.  I don’t see us embracing this life, we seem to be happy where we are.

 Source:  http://www.underpaidgenius.com/post/7188935176


Mark Oppenheimer explores monogamy with Dan Savage, the well-known sex-advice columnist:

Mark Oppenheimer via

Savage’s position on monogamy is frequently caricatured. He does not believe in promiscuity; indeed, his attacks on the anonymous-sex, gay-bathhouse culture were once taken as proof of a secret conservative agenda. And he does not believe that monogamy is wrong for all couples or even for most couples. Rather, he says that a more realistic sexual ethic would prize honesty, a little flexibility and, when necessary, forgiveness over absolute monogamy. And he believes nostalgically, like any good conservative, that we might look to the past for some clues.

“The mistake that straight people made,” Savage told me, “was imposing the monogamous expectation on men. Men were never expected to be monogamous. Men had concubines, mistresses and access to prostitutes, until everybody decided marriage had to be egalitarian and fairsey.” In the feminist revolution, rather than extending to women “the same latitude and license and pressure-release valve that men had always enjoyed,” we extended to men the confines women had always endured. “And it’s been a disaster for marriage.”

In their own marriage, Savage and Miller practice being what he calls “monogamish,” allowing occasional infidelities, which they are honest about. Miller was initially opposed to the idea. “You assume as a younger person that all relationships are monogamous and between two people, that love means nothing can come between you,” said Miller, who met Savage at a club in 1995, when he was 23 and Savage was 30. “Dan has taught me to be more realistic about that kind of stuff.

“It was four or five years before it came up,” Miller said. “It’s not about having three-ways with somebody or having an open relationship. It is just sort of like, Dan has always said if you have different tastes, you have to be good, giving and game, and if you are not G.G.G. for those tastes, then you have to give your partner the out. It took me a while to get down with that.” When I asked Savage how many extramarital encounters there have been, he laughed shyly. “Double digits?” I asked. He said he wasn’t sure; later he and Miller counted, and he reported back that the number was nine. “And far from it being a destabilizing force in our relationship, it’s been a stabilizing force. It may be why we’re still together.”

While his marriage opened up gradually, Savage says that “there’s not a one-size-fits-all way” to approach nonmonogamy, especially if both partners committed to monogamy at the start. “Folks on the verge of making those monogamous commitments,” Savage told me in one of our many e-mail exchanges, “need to look at the wreckage around them — all those failed monogamous relationships out there (Schwarzenegger, Clinton, Vitter, whoever’s on the cover of US magazine this week) — and have a conversation about what it’ll mean if one or the other partner should cheat. And agree, at the very least, to getting through it, to place a higher value on the relationship itself than on one component of it, sexual exclusivity.”


It was not until the 20th century that Americans evolved an understanding of marriage in which partners must meet all of each other’s needs: sexual, emotional, material. When we rely on our partners for everything, any hint of betrayal is terrifying. “That is the bind we are in,” Coontz said. “We accord so much priority to the couple relationship. It is tough under those conditions for most people to live with the insecurity of giving their partners permission to have flings.”

From an anthropological perspective, modern monogamous marriage is an artifact of the industrial revolution, and the modern nation state. The emergence of the 20th century nuclear family, deeply integrated into a mythos of romantic love-based marriage, is strangely tied to religious morality, even for those that are secular. 

A society based on home-owning, hard-working, go-to-church-on-sundays families living tight-knot village-sized communities has a nostalgic appeal, even if it wasn’t really true, even back in the day.

Post-industrial society will be based on older, and not just different norms. A return to tribal forms of authority and power, for example, and enigmatic, not dogmatic, spirituality. We will accept sexual desire and expression, instead of sex being considered legitimate only within the confines of officially-sanctioned heterosexual, monogamous love.

This moral shift will take decades to cascade into everyday life, but the acceptance of homosexuals and lesbians into Western culture, as well as growing acceptance of open sexuality will lead to a broader spectrum of stable relationships, ranging from monogamous, to monogamish, to polygamous, to polyamorous.

It starts with the eyes

 We are not a naturally monogamous species.  What is natural is for a man to be turned on by a woman and a woman to be turned on by a man.  (I don’t want to open the whole homosexual debate here, so I’ll say that I’m only talking about straight men and women). 

We’re told men are more visual and I’m all for my guy looking; yes that includes porn and occasional guys nights to a strip club or Hooters.  But we women can be turned on visually and it is okay for us to look too.  We don’t have our swimsuit magazines, clubs to gawk at hunky college studs, or restaurants that disguise bad food behind a pretty package of a waiter, but there are some gorgeous guys that draw our eye.  We can admire someone at the gym or office and dream about some actor in a movie.  We can even have our own dreams and fantasies about someone else.  None of that means we don’t love our husbands, just the same as none of what he sees or looks at means he doesn’t love you.

All it means is that you are alive.  You have eyes, imagination, and hormones and you found something that stimulates them all.  EMBRACE IT!!!!!  And let your man do it too.

It can led to some wild talk and some wild play time.  Yes, we as women can be more insecure about this topic, comparing ourselves to these women who grab his attention.  But we must learn to drown that voice with what is really going on with him.  When he checks out other women, he is not comparing me to them.  I know that it is just a natural response from his sex drive. and I want him to have a sex drive.   Part of the fun of what I do is knowing how excited he gets by it, so as strange as it sounds, his sex drive fuels my excitement and I DON’T want to shut that down. 

And as long as he only looks, I won’t shut that down.  That means I may have to handle a wandering eye or an occasional comment and I’ve found that I now enjoy this healthy expression of his sex drive.  I even give my input and point out someone I think he might find to be a little hottie.  I can turn the tables on him and point out some guys that I find attractive or I point out what features I find sexy on some guys.

It may sound like a double-standard that he only gets to look, but I get to look and touch, but that is how we decided to live our lives and it works for our relationship.  If you are interested in exploring this lifestyle, this looking and communicating about what you see is a WONDERFUL way to get started.  But just because you embrace the fun of looking doesn’t mean that you are destined for this lifestyle.  You are embracing who you are naturally and don’t ever be ashamed of that!!

MFM Guide – Part 3

Here is the final installment of this GREAT guide for both men and women, the couple and the extra, here.   This is not my original work.  I found it athttp://shareheradvice.tripod.com/myfaithandbeliefsite/index.html

Enjoy and pass along.  It is good to share!!!

I found it to be a wonderful read and even though we lean more towards a cuckold relationship, this is still a help to anyone considering this or wanting more information

Part 3
Setting Up Your First Meeting
This meeting is necessary to see of there is chemistry and to verify that he looks attractive to her in person.  Pictures can be deceiving.  Some couples skip this step or go straight from this meeting to a motel but I think that’s asking too much of a woman.  She needs to warm to him and this meeting is an icebreaker that helps her with this process.  Take your time. Send him email and arrange to meet him in a public place where you can talk.  Tell him this will only last an hour and you have an engagement later (you can always decide to break the engagement if you want to chat longer).  Explain up front that this meeting will not include sex.  I would suggest a place that serves alcohol and has some privacy (e.g. background music or a sparsely occupied seating area).  Get there early and have a drink if you’re nervous.   Have him set where there is plenty of eye contact between her and the prospective new partner.  Let nature take it is course.  If there’s chemistry great.  If there’s not, don’t be discouraged and plan to start over. If the meeting is going well, there should be flirtation and some level of sexual tension in the air.  If it looks promising, it is a good idea to let the woman and her perspective partner have a few minutes alone to talk.  Make an excuse to get drinks, go to the bathroom, etc.  Later, the couple should ask for a few minutes alone to chat before extending a future invitation for more that just conversation.  If you’re both in agreement that this guy will be right for you, then it is time to make future arrangements and set some ground rules. I would suggest you arrange for a hotel meeting several days later.  This gives you both time to back out if you desire.  Tell him you will send e-mail if there is a problem with this arranged date at least a day in advance of your next meeting.  It is appropriate that you ask the man to pay for a room or at least share the cost (If I were the lucky guy, I would volunteer to arrange for the room) at a nice hotel.  I would suggest a time not too late in the day as you may want to start the evening with a meal, dinner, dancing or whatever will help make this a night she will never forget. Most ground rules should have been previously discussed via e-mail earlier including the topic of aids testing. 
Make Sure She Is Ready To Proceed

Communication at this point between you and your partner is essential.  She may have second thoughts after the first meeting for one reason or another.  If so, just cancel the invitation. 

If you’re still ready to proceed, I suggest you stop having sex at least a few days before the first meeting.  Why?  It is one thing to talk about having sex with a stranger and entirely another to actually go through with it.  Yes, this will be very difficult, because sex will be on your minds every minute until the next meeting.  🙂  Being very aroused beforehand will almost certainly make it easier for her.  The sex will be hotter and the orgasm’s more plentiful, believe me.  If you can’t hold out a week, at least try for a couple of days and don’t have sex just prior to the encounter.

Choosing A Location

I suggest a nice hotel with a lounge that you are comfortable with.  If you live in a small town, you should plan on driving to a nearby city to remain discrete.  Don’t choose a sleazy motel, the lighting is poor and the place is not usually clean or very large.   Plan to meet him in the lounge and start with small talk.

Deciding What You Want

If you have not discussed the details beforehand, now that this is almost a reality, this is the time to determine what you really want and don’t want. 

Will this be a threesome or will the husband/boyfriend just watch?  Will the both of you start out and have him join in?  Is French kissing appropriate?  Do the men alternate time with the woman?  Will you take pictures or video the events?  Can she have unprotected sex with both of you?  (not recommended).  Will she go to the room with her new partner and be joined by her husband/boyfriend later?  (not recommended the first time).  How long will the sex last?  Is anal sex allowed?  How about double penetration?   It is not important what you decide,  just that you have a discussion about it. 

 The Big DAY


On the day of the event, you may want to get some wine, beer or favorite drink.  A stereo with CD’s with selections that gets everyone in the mood is recommended and can mask noise heard though walls and doors in a hotel.  😉  Don’t forget some water based lubricant and extra condoms.  If she’s planning on an evening with two men, it may be non stop marathon sex and staying lubricated for several hours is not easy.   A camera or a video cam is a great idea if you want to capture the event.  This way you can both relive the memories. 
Importance Of Making Her New partner Comfortable

I think this is often overlooked and is the cause for some problems with first time three-ways in particular.  Most men have never had sex with another man present.  This makes them feel uneasy.  It can cause temporary impotence.  Also, if you’ve laid down half a dozen pre-sex ground rules – “don’t do this and don’t do that”,  he may be spooked.  So what can you do?

First time sex in a three-way is usually awkward at first.  This can me minimized if you take things slowly and get to know one another with e-mail.  Get comfortable as a threesome before removing your cloths with conversation.  Chat over a beer.  Flirt with email.  Slow dance.  Tease one another.  This will pay off in the end.

The relationship between the two men will probably be the most awkward.  The husband/boyfriend should find a way to indicate with his woman’s new partner when it is OK to proceed and when it is not.  Having a friendly one-on-one conversation is recommended.  Email communications work well for this.

How Do We Begin?

You may want to start with light conversation and a cocktail in the hotel lobby.  On a queue from her, you can all venture to the hotel room.  Both men could start by giving her a body massage fully clothed.  A foot massage is a great place to start and is an excellent icebreaker.  Gradually, the husband/boyfriend can remove articles of clothing.  Then let nature take its course.  I don’t believe you can proceed too slowly, but it’s easy for miscommunication and awkward moments if you move too fast.  As a rule, I think it is best when the woman sets the pace.

Tips For The Husband/Boyfriend

It is completely up to the couple what the husband/boyfriend does.  He can either join in, take turns or passively watch and snap a few pictures.   And here’s a tip:  if you decide to photograph, use a flash as hotel lighting does not make for good photos.  🙂

Assuming you develop a relationship over time with her new partner and you both trust him, I would suggest the husband/boyfriend leave the room for 20 minutes.  She and her new sex partner may be reluctant to show their wild side for different reasons.  He may feel uncomfortable with the other man in the room.  She may feel guilty exhibiting too much pleasure.  While alone, they may reach a new level of passion.  When you return, they may be more willing to continue in this manner.

Another twist it to stop after a period of time and ask the new lover to leave for a period of say an hour.  Then have him phone the room and come back later.  It gives you both some time to talk and be passionate in private.  When he returns, she can resume with him where she left off knowing her husband/boyfriend is both excited and supportive.

How Does It End?

Long before your first meeting, indicate in your email that if either of you wants it to end, it must end immediately, no questions asked.  He should agree completely.

When you make final hotel arrangements with the new partner, tell him it will end within 2 hours of the time you get to the room.  You can always change your mind and continue for as long as you’re both comfortable with it.

The couple should have a non-verbal queue, that they can use in the hotel room indicating they want a time out or the whole thing to end.



Keeping Emotions In Check

As much your wife/girlfriend will try to avoid it, she may bond to her sexual partners at some emotional level.  She’s human and is naturally drawn to any man she has sex with to a limited degree.  There are several ways to minimize this bond and the anxiety it may cause.  These methods revolve around the amount of time spent together, the frequency of the sexual encounters, the physical presence of her husband/boyfriend during sex outside the relationship, open communication and the maintenance of your relationship.

Keep the sexual encounter to just that.  A few hours of sexual activity is enough.  For most couples, once or twice a year of this activity is plenty.  You don’t want a steady diet of sex outside of the relationship.  If you want a repeat performance, take pictures or video the event and re-live the experience at home.

Make it a threesome.   The presence of a husband/boyfriend will help her keep emotions in check.  Realize it will feel awkward for her and her new lover.  It will take an adjustment period where the three of you get used to each other in the bedroom, but it is nothing you can’t work through.  If you take it slow, this is not difficult.  Have a drink, start with a massage.  Move to heavy petting and let things happen naturally.  😉 It is best not to “go on a date” alone – especially at first.  It also reduces the anxiety for the husband/boyfriend.  I let my girlfriend “date” and stayed home wondering what was happening.  On one level, this is exciting, but on another it makes for very anxious moments and mixed feelings.  If she arrives home an hour late, it will feel like minutes for her and days for him.  When she comes home, the man is more than ready to have sex but she will have had time to cool off.  She and may not want sex at all.  Talk about disappointment.  😦   The sex immediately after (seconds later) she’s been with her lover is the very best of all.  Don’t miss out by staying home.

This is not the place for romance.  If an evening out for her is agreed upon, it should NOT include a dinner, dancing, lot’s of discussion and subsequent sex.  This is “dating” mode.  It is the way in which we court a member of the opposite sex and establish a potential lifelong partnership – but inappropriate for a shared wive/girlfriend.  If a date is arranged, it should be short (i.e. for a drink, then upstairs to the hotel room).  At a predetermined time, the husband/boyfriend should knock on the door. This can be a few minutes after her lover departs or he can still be there.  The couple can decide.  Another way to arrange this is to have all three of you there in the hotel room when you begin, then the husband/boyfriend can leave for a while (e.g. 30-45 minutes) and return.  Again, this is not suggested the first time. There should not be any discrete communications between the woman and her new sex partner.  No daily e-mail banter, phone calls, mail, flowers or personal visits.  It is my suggestion that the man maintains the dialog with the new partner in e-mail format only and he should not be allow to talk your wife/girlfriend directly.  This is not meant to control your spouse/girlfriend, it is to keep this new partners desire for more of a relationship firmly in check.  His communication will be less romantic if he knows the boyfriend/husband is reading the mail.  As stated earlier, I have a rule: 

When I contact you, you can respond with mail.  If you don’t hear from me, then we don’t want to hear from you.  If you break this rule, it is over.

Talk about the emotions she feels afterward.  It is OK if she likes him, but if she feels something more, you both should be careful about future meetings.  Feelings of guilt sometimes set in at first, but with reassurance from the husband/boyfriend, this will pass.  Have a heart-to-heart talk about how both of you feel several days later.  It is a new experience for both of you and the relationship you already have is always the first priority.

Keep the romance alive within your own relationship.  Don’t make the grass look greener somewhere else.  Treat her like a princess at the center of your world.

Good luck in your adventures and let me know if the guide was a help!

MFM Guide – Part 2

Over the next several days, I’ll be posting this GREAT guide for both men and women, the couple and the extra, here.   To make it easier to read, I will post it in three parts.  This is not my original work.  I found it at




Enjoy and pass along.  It is good to share!!!


I found it to be a wonderful read and even though we lean more towards a cuckold relationship, this is still a help to anyone considering this or wanting more information



Are we ready to turn fantasy into reality?
There are several prerequisites that should be met before you both consider turning this fantasy into a reality which relate to your background, mindset and age.
  • Have you explored the more moderately erotic sexual activities first?  There are several turn-ons that help to bring about sexual maturity.  These are discussed in the next section. 
  • The fantasy has to become her fantasy.  In some cases, this is a difficult hurdle and is discussed in the next sections.  Men often fail to understand that turning this fantasy into reality for her is more of a journey, with several key steps along the way.
  • She must be capable of having sex without emotional involvement.  This is relatively easy for a large percentage of men, but may be difficult for women.  Society dictates to women, from a young age that “where her body goes, so does her heart”.  It is important that you talk about this issue up front so she can feel comfortable with sexual play without attachment.
  • Age makes a difference for some.  Older couples, in their 30’s and beyond are generally more comfortable with this type of adult play.  This is particularly true for women.

Discussions with her about the fantasy

This section will mainly apply to the male readers.Women want respect, love and physical sex – usually in that order.  If you’re preparing to discuss this seriously with your partner, this is a perfect time to work on your relationship.   Before you broach the subject directly, it is assumed you’ve already explored her sexual past and have bought toys that help explore sex with another partner.  There are countless ideas, but I’ve compiled a list of sexual experiences that encourage sexual maturity for both of you:

Less sexually advanced:

      • Have her dress up in a sexy outfit such as tight jeans and blouse, then go to a secluded location such as a park.  Unbutton a few buttons on her blouse or jeans and take photographs of her in sexy poses.
      • Give your wife a gift certificate for a body massage and prearrange to have a man deliver the massage.
      • Read one of the books in the Women Readers section.
      • Role play.  Have her come into a bar and flirt with you, pick you up and take you home.
      • Have sex in risky places where there is a chance someone might see you.
      • Buy her a revealing dress.  Go somewhere you won’t be known and dance the night away in front of others.
      • Have her dress provocatively, then go to a public place.  Watch other men watch her.

More advanced:

    • If you’re apart (e.g. business travel), call her when you’ve been away for several days and encourage her to act as if your fantasy has come true over the phone.
    • Place an ad in “Your Wife’s Lovers” on the Dark Wanderer and encourage a man to have a cyber-sex relationship with your wife. 
    • Post a sexy picture of her, where her identity is not revealed on the net, then ask for comments and read them together.
    • Have a male masseuse come to the house and give your wife a body massage as a surprise.
    • Have her dress provocatively, then go out and expose her breasts or sexy behind to someone she knows or a stranger.
    • Take her dancing, sit apart and encourage her to dance with another man.
    • Have an on-line ICQ relationship or visit a chat room.

The best time to talk seriously about this fantasy is while flirting, but not in the throes of passion.  As with most sensitive topics, timing is everything.  🙂   I urge you to take the open and honest approach about your sexual needs.  Explain that your fantasy has developed over time, as you’ve thought about you’re own sexuality.  If you’re like nearly every man I’ve responded to on this topic, the idea of exploring a MFM relationship does not in any way lessen your love for your partner.  She needs to hear this message in particular. 

Most women will jump to conclusions and believe that their partner actually desires a swinging relationship.   They may view a shared-wife experience as a means to that end.  It will be necessary to reassure her otherwise, perhaps frequently.

Don’t discuss the details about how and when – that’s for later.  First share the reasons you want it to happen (see part 1 ).  Explore how you think you will feel afterwards.  I would suggest a “go slow” approach.  This is your chance to grow and explore your sexuality together over time and strengthen your relationship.  If done right, it will be a wonderful experience and you’ll remain happy, sexually fulfilled and very much in love.


Good Choices and Bad
When a couple selects a man to be included in your sex life, just keep in mind that he might not be the right partner, either now or some time into the future.  There could be a variety of reasons, but the more he knows about either of you, the more difficult it will be to keep him out of your life.  If he does not have a way to contact you besides e-mail, it is much easier to say you’re not interested and move on.  For this reason, I don’t particularly recommend:

  • Ex boyfriends that live in your area
  • Co-workers
  • A guy you meet at a gym
  • A friend that lives in your area

The best, perhaps not the easiest, choice is an acquaintance who lives some distance away and visits only occasionally or someone that you get to know just for the purpose of MFM encounters.  These other options can be trouble for a variety of reasons. Ex-boyfriends:   She knows the guy and she’s already had sex with him, so what could be wrong?  Plenty.  Women have a natural tendency to become attached to whoever they are having sex with.  If he was more than a one night stand, she was at one time emotionally involved.  Sex with him will bring back those emotional feelings for both her and the boyfriend.  This is way uncool, so why risk it?

Men, just like women, can easily become emotionally attached to a sex partner.  When that happens, it is not uncommon for the boyfriend to attempt to convince her to resume a permanent relationship, even when there’s no chance she would consider it.  It ruins the event for everyone.

Couples select ex-boyfriends because they fear meeting someone new. These guys come with way too much emotional baggage, and should be avoided. 

Friends that live in your area :  I don’t discourage this in all cases, but it would not be my first choice.  If they are occasional visitors to your area (or if you visit them), that’s more acceptable but proceed with caution.  After she has sex with him, the friendship can change and can actually dissolve and become awkward.  I made this mistake and regret it.  Good friends are hard to come by.  It is better to meet someone for the expressed purpose to have sex than it is to risk a old friendship.  Friends also know where you live, work, play and may talk with other friends of yours.  It is OK to become friends with her new partner to some degree, but don’t expect it to have the dynamics of a typical friendship.

Again, couples select friends because they fear meeting someone new. Friends are not usually the best candidates because they know too much about you. I suggest you both consider first a “new” partner brought into your lives for the explicit purpose of adding to your sex life.

A guy she knows from the gym or work:  It is easier for her, because she has already sized him up and he’s considered acceptable.  The down side it that he probably knows where he can find her.  Also, he’s local.  Local people know others in your area and then you risk the possibility that your shared wife experiences are commonly known.  Some of the people you encounter in these situations may be acceptable, what if you bring them into your sex life and it does not work out? Now avoiding them is a problem, and this was supposed to be fun, right?

Other Hazards

When you surprise someone on the topic of sex, you never know how they will react.  Here are a couple of situations couples may want to avoid.

Propositioning a friend:  Imagine you’re planning to ask a friend to participate in a three-way.  How do you know he will agree? If he says no, everyone will feel very stupid and the friendship will likely suffer.  Maybe he will not agree to have sex with the husband present because it is just too embarrassing (there are lots of guys like this).  Again, it will create problems.  Maybe he is impotent.  Get the picture?  My advice is that you should be prepared for most any reaction if you’re planning to ask a pal for three-way sex.

Propositioning someone you just met:  What if you are planning to ask someone you just met, say at a nightclub or while on vacation?  She has danced and flirted with this young hunk for two hours.  Perhaps they have kissed and both of them are very horny.  Then she propositions him for a three-way.   The guy suddenly is quite unhappy.  He is not interested in a threesome, especially with another guy present!  He wants her to himself.  Sadly, this does happen.

Your alternative is to proposition through an advertisement.  This way, everyone knows up front the nature of the relationship.

How do you find him?  There are a few options, let’s explore the advertisement method first.   Essentially, couples can use the internet and take out an ad.  Place the ad in the The Hot Wife Forum Personals ,(free)  Match Doctor (free), Love.aol (free), or the Adult Friend Finder (pay site).

Before you do, I urge you to take sensible precautions.  Don’t give out a phone number, address, place of work, identifiable picture or any other personal information.  Do include your area code otherwise expect more mail than you can handle.  Be prepared for an onslaught of email (20-50 messages per day at least).  I suggest an ad that looks similar to the following:

Example Ad

Couple in the 651 area code seeking man for shared wife experience.  She’s in her late 40’s, 155 lbs, 5’5″.  Better than average looks and ready.  Prospective candidate should be caucasian, 30-38, 180-220 lbs, 5′ 9″ or taller, attractive, trim and drug/disease free.  Discretion is a must. Husband will participate.  Condom required.  Must not be camera shy. Both of us are straight, non smokers and light drinkers.  Send a letter describing why we should consider you.  Picture required. We seek email friendship first.  Requests will be taken for 1 week only.  No applications accepted after mm/dd/yy. hotcouplein651@hotmail.com

This ad does not reveal much about you and clearly spells out what you’re seeking.  You don’t want to look through 500 ads so there is a deadline for applying.  When you receive ads, I would immediately delete any that don’t have a picture attached.  Also delete any that appear too direct, poorly written or too brief. 

When you find one you like, I suggest you respond with a picture of her that does not reveal her identity and ask for additional information.  Let him know that unless you send him e-mail, he is not to send you any. 

This can be a fun experience for a couple going through the candidates together.  When you think you’ve found the right man, and you believe he is for real, I might suggest you participate in a suggestive cyber-chat or cyber-sex relationship for a while.  Get to know him, his likes and dislikes and share similar information with him.  This acclimation time make’s it much easier for both of you if you decide to meet.

Other ways to find a mate

Some couples don’t want to use a personals ad.  In this case, there are several other options.  You can both go to a night club and she can try to pick someone up.  Another option is to go on vacation and find someone there.  I’ve heard of couples that take a Caribbean vacation just for this purpose.

What About Penis Size?

Readers of MFM erotica found on the web have no doubt noticed the interest, especially by males, centered around the penis size of the studs selected to please their women.  The stories seem to take on mythical proportions.  So… do you search for a well hung stud?  The answer maybe yes and maybe no depending on your situation, although a “minimum” size criteria is a good idea.

Most men desire to have a 10 inch penis as thick as your arm.  But, if you ever have an honest conversation with a well hung guy, you might find he’s not perfectly happy about it.  Why?  Because he’s too long for full penetration with many partners.  Vagina size varies significantly and while some are very deep, others are not.  Some women experience pain, not unlike a cramp if a penis or dildo makes forceful contact with the back of the vagina near the cervical entrance.  If the man cannot grind his pelvic bone against her clitoris, it may be very difficult for her to really enjoy the sex and have orgasms. 

Contrary to what you might read, the vagina does not readily stretch in length like a uterus does to accommodate pregnancy.  It can adjust to accommodate greater thickness, not length.  Thick is generally good.  Erotic stories indicate that a women accustomed to the small penis of her husband will over the course of a few minutes be able to accept another man’s tool that’s several inches longer.  In my experience, this does not appear to be true.  I’m 6.5 inches and have encountered several women that would prefer that I was a half inch shorter because I would occasionally “bottom out” in certain positions.  They never seemed to adjust.  I’ve also had girlfriends that could accept a 9″ dildo so vaginal depth varies.

Here’s something else to think about.  A few years back, I encouraged my then girlfriend to have a sexual experience with another man.  We found a guy.  She blew him in his car about two weeks before she actually had sexual intercourse with him and found that he had a 4.5 in penis – one of the smallest she had ever seen.  I was disappointed, hoping for at least six.  A couple of weeks later, she had one of the most intense sexual experiences with this guy that left her breathless.  She had so many orgasms, she lost count and her pussy was sore for a day afterwards.  It is like the old saying, “It is not the wand, it is the magician.” 

Another common complaint I hear from women is that well hung guy’s don’t try to please them in bed.  They assume their size means they don’t have to work too hard and it is over too soon. 

If you want a guy who’ll please a woman, look for:

  • A lover that can stay hard after orgasm or recovers quickly.  Some men can.
  • A guy who makes her hot before they jump in bed.
  • A stud that can have several orgasms over a two hour period.
  • A partner that can delay his orgasm while she cums multiple times.
  • A man who will ravish her and make her feel intensely desirable.

So in the end, does size matter?  Most women have a minimum size criteria and this should be indicated in an ad.  To most women, a man is a package not just a penis.  His build, appearance, genitals and intensity in bed all combine together to make him desirable.   To this I say look for character first, not quantity.

Manage Communications With Her Prospective New Partner

You’ll be most comfortable if her new partner does not know where you live, work or play. In this way, you control the communication. 

Why is this so important?  Even with people you think you know, when you start having a sexual relationship with them, they may feel entitled to intrude into your life in a variety of ways.  He may call one or both of you when it is not wanted.  He may show up at your doorstep, at work or at the gym when you simply don’t want him around.  He might talk to others that know you.